This is when you mention to a spectator that they want to be more like one thing (or nominalization) but not like another - even though these two things differ mainly as a matter of intensity or DEGREE
"You need to be realistic in this regard, without completely giving up on your dreams".
How can anyone be "realistic" and "dream" at the same time? Actually we can all do this from time to time. We believe many problems come only when we "dream" but take no action, or demand "realism" without seeing a larger picture. In other words, it is when we are at one extreme or the other that we tend to create problems for ourselves.
The remedy then we feel is all a matter of achieving a balance, learning how to be more flexible, and having more expansive options. By allowing the spectator to determine their OWN amount of balance and flexibility, you can help the spectator to accept more options in life. The more options they have, the more solutions to their problems they have to discover and use.
By creating a simple sentence that allows for two opposing similar things - the difference being a matter of degrees - we give the spectator such options. We also insure that the spectator makes decisions for themselves, and we are NOT the ones giving "advice". Let's look at a few more examples that will make this clear:
"It's important you do what you feel is right, without trashing the feelings of those around you".
"You may need to stand up for yourself more often, in ways that don't invite out and out fights".
We might say:
"It's a good idea to be completely honest, without harming people in the process. I understand that constant arguments are not good, but that doesn't mean you don't allow yourself to express you own opinions".
"I see where you have some fears about this area of your life, but some fears are self-fulfilling". We could suggest to the spectator:
"You can learn to loosen up a bit on your demands, without losing your deepest values".
"Listening to others is good, just be sure to give equal time listening to yourself..."
The last few examples may be more subtle about the "opposites", and they sound very reasonable. Look these over a few more times. Just recall the basic idea is to make a statement in which the choices offered - even if they appear as entirely opposing ideas -allow the spectator to determine a comfortable DEGREE of flexibility for themselves and their life. We don't have to know what that level of flexibility or options are for them. All we need do is present the degree statements, then allow the spectator to determine this all on their own. Once they do this, we as readers will not only be "right", heavens, we often feel we may have actually HELPED our clients.
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