Recently on Mindlist, a woman asked for information about hypnosis and if it could be used for sexual pleasure. Elroy Carter posted a reply, which is a brilliant pattern for explaining our favorite topic to a prospective subject. (You can read Elroy's many posts about NLP on the Mindlist egroup at Yahoo.) The Elroy Induction is sensory rich with lots of embedded commands. I have reworked it somewhat, and I asked Elroy if I could copy it here.
(Apply embedded commands and pauses as necessary...) Hypnosis can be used in a number of ways to increase sexual pleasure.
First of all, hypnosis is a great way to relax. You can just turn off the busy chatter in your head, and ignore any external distractions. It can help you to shed any self consciousness, such that you can be your true self, allowing you to turn your awareness inside, and concentrate completely on your pleasure.
Hypnosis can be used to vividly relive the excitement of prior experiences of sexual desire, and amplify them. This happens a lot naturally, and hypnosis is just a way for you to do this deliberately. Sex is so much better when you are 'in the mood', and the stronger that mood becomes, the more pleasure you feel. When you can take your levels of desire and make them grow stronger, more real, you will find yourself experiencing even more pleasure than before.
Another way is to use hypnosis to heighten your senses, such as to increase the sensitivity of your skin. You may remember times when you had exquisitely heightened senses, where every touch seemed electric, where you could see the texture of your lover's skin, be filled with your lover's scent, and utterly luxuriate in their caress. Using hypnosis, these feelings get even stronger, and you greatly increase your own pleasure.
Yet another way is to generalize sexual pleasure. When you can take the specific pleasure that you feel, and let it begin to spread all throughout your body. And the more you relax, and surrender to the pleasure, giving yourself over to it completely, the more you begin to feel it consume your entire body, to where every nerve in your body is singing with delight.
Your pleasure may increase so much that the input of one sense transforms to become the input of another. You might see bright colors when you hear your lover's voice. You may feel sensations when you smell your lover's skin. It is a naturally occurring phenomenon when you can take sensations of pleasure and allow them to transform into colors, which can turn back into textures with flows and movements of their own. You can allow the sounds that you hear become feelings that resonate and pulse inside you, and back out to become colors that transform yet again.
Actually, many women do this by themselves, without hypnosis training. In effect, you could say that they are hypnotizing themselves, by allowing themselves to focus so firmly and intensely on their own fantasies that they can literally feel the sensations that they are imagining, and the more they focus, the better it gets. Knowing
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL what it's like to have a powerful fantasy, and knowing of times thinking about something over and over again, the details and feelings grow more powerful with each pass.
"Be it real or feigned, her sleep tells the intelligent lover of an adored object that he is unworthy to enjoy her the moment he begins to wonder if he may or may not take advantage of it." Giacomo Casanova
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL What Women Must Have
Ross recommends that we read "A Passion for More" by Susan Shapiro Barash, c 2001 Berkeley Hills Books, ISBN 1-893163-24-5. It is an outstanding book that includes the interviews of 57 women who had extra marital affairs.
Every woman had something missing in her marriage. Each woman filled the missing need by taking a lover. Some of the women felt guilt about it, but most did not. In all cases, the women were happy they did it, as it ultimately led her to greater enlightenment and fulfillment
For almost all the women, they had much better sex with their lover than with their husband. For a few, the sex was better with the husband. In all cases, the woman's thoughts were consumed with the man that she had the most exciting sex.
For some women, she had great sex with the man because she felt close to him. But for most of the women, she became close to him because she had great sex with him.
One could conclude from this book that a woman has four basic needs that must be met: 1) affirmation, 2) sharing, 3) to feel like a woman, and 4) exciting sex. 1) Affirmation, in that she needs to feel appreciated and respected for the individual that she is. She needs to know that she is supported in her endeavors. 2) Sharing, in that she has the need to share her feelings with her man and to receive the sharing from her man. She needs to be able to "communicate" emotionally with her man and to feel that "emotional connection." 3) Feel like a woman, in that she needs to feel beautiful, sexy, and feminine. She needs to enjoy all that comes with being a woman. 4) Exciting Sex, in that she needs to be seduced, excited, and satisfied, over and over again. She needs to experience new things, in new ways, including fantasies and roles.
As I was reading this book, I thought to myself many times: "Major Mark told us exactly that in his book 'Scoring with Married Women.' In fact, it showed that every single word he wrote is absolutely true. You would understand if you had read both books.
I have taken a few quotes from "A Passion for More" to give you a flavor for the book. Because these are very minimal quotes, they are thus by definition taken out of context. Certainly, each woman's situation was more involved. But it gives you an idea...
Honey: "The affair awakened me sexually. I felt more uninhibited with my lover than with my husband. We had anal sex. He was a superb lover. I could have multiple orgasms with him, which wasn't happening in my marriage at the time. I was obsessed with him when he wasn't around, although we were together a few days a week."
Kristen: "I needed him to be there to hug me and to tell me it was okay. I knew all along that this man wasn't what I wanted. But if sex was what it took, that was fine. I had to get by. The sex was all right, but nothing special. I let this one end fairly quickly."
Lucy: "The sex was excellent because he was so skilled. It was a learning experience for me. At first I slept with both my husband and this man; eventually I had sex only with my lover. It was hot. We had sex every possible way. For almost a year there was an intense, hot situation. The sex was wild and continual."
Sandy: "It was a wonderful sexual and emotional union and I never felt guilty. My lover adored me. He thought I was beautiful and gave me everything I wanted. The sex was loving and gentle but also uninhibited and open. We'd have sex everywhere. We did it in restaurants, in the back of the movie theatre. Wherever we were, we did it. If we went away, we'd do it on a mountain cliff, in the beach, in the car all the time, in the buggy ride in the city."
Hanna: "The sex was very exciting in the beginning. I'd see him daily sometimes, other times a few days a week, so there was lots of sex. Because he accepted me, I was able to play out sexual fantasies. The fantasies were things I would have done with my husband if he'd been willing. But with my lover there was no question that he was willing. My relationship with my lover made me see myself as a whole person and I rejected my husband's needs. My lover was reinforcing. He made me feel beautiful."
Rebecca: "Sex with my lover was very different than with my husband. Now I think of my lover as very handsome, but in the beginning my husband seemed handsomer."
Marsha: "I'd see him once a week, and we'd dance and have sex. It was incredible beyond my wildest imaginings. It became an obsession. If I couldn't see him, I'd flip. We went right to his place and made passionate love. The sex was like nothing you could ever imagine."
Maryanne: "As soon as we began the affair, I began to feel good about myself. Mostly it was the sex. We share an incredible sex life."
Marla: "The affair began during a bad point in my marriage. I suppose I became obsessed after a time. The sex was great. It was the best I've ever had. We did everything. We did it against the washer and dryer. The sex was beyond belief. The best in the world. We did it on the train tracks, we did it in bars. He would masturbate me at a crowded bar. We did it in the Tavern, in the ladies room. It was wild and highly sexual."
Julie: "The sex was hot and heavy, very passionate. I was told I was sexy, beautiful, and smart. I felt like a woman again. I began to realize that I needed a lot from a man that I wasn't getting from my husband. Intimacy, communication, sex - I got it all from my lover. I began to identify myself as a sexual being; that was a big deal to me. And I loved the glamour of it, not just being a housewife and a mom, but having a lover with a secret world. We fulfilled each other's fantasies for a long time."
Karen: "The sex in this affair is what keeps it going. It is the most amazing ever. Whenever I've been with a lover, I've had sex that goes on and on, but nothing like this. I have noticed the difference between clitoral orgasm and a vaginal orgasm.
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL The sex with my latest lover is in a class by itself. I know the volume of orgasms is much greater with my lover than with my husband. I can't describe it. I do things with my lover that I'd never do with my husband, never. We try everything, we did it eight and ten times a night. I think of him when I'm having sex with my husband. I think about him a lot of the time."
Chelsea: "We had a lot of sex. The sex was very different from the marriage. Sex in my marriage stunk by them. It was weird how willing my lover was to try anything and so was I. It was a completely different experience. I found myself doing sexual things I never expected to do."
Robin: "While sex with my husband has always been fine, it was not great. With my lover, it's so incredible it's hard to give up. Then the sex became wild and crazy. We did it every way possible, we invented things. We went beyond expectations, beyond anything I ever dreamed of"
Nicole: "The relationship was sexual. It was all about sex. Sex like I'd never known before, total abandon' no part of my body seemed uninteresting. In fact, it was all extremely interesting to him. Nor was any part of my body unworthy of exploration. I'd blink and hours would be gone. That was how it seemed when we were together. I mean my eyeballs would roll. There are few men who can stay with that kind of thing, that kind of sex. I believe it an unusual man who puts a woman ahead of himself in bed."
Kate: "Sex with him was the most wonderful experience. He was a thrilling man, in every way. The sex was unique, always different, always incredible. I began to feel sexual; I could demand good sex with my lover. I didn't sleep with my husband at all."
And here is a letter that showed up in a national publication. Mark Cunningham read it to his students in his course "Building a Better Girlfriend." "I'm a single average looking business man in my mid forties. During the past three years I've slept with every married woman I have desired. I meet them in super markets, bookstores, and record shops. I invite them for coffee, and the rest is easy. From these encounters, I have observed the following:
1. I've not met a woman whose husband has made love to her properly in the past six months.
2. Many of these women had never had a multiple orgasm. Two had never had orgasms until we went to bed.
3. None of these women experienced any major guilt from these encounters.
4. Most view they are neglected, and view our time as luxurious sin. In the mean time, I've collected a casual harem.
I'm never pushy, they call me.
Can you explain why so many men are such neglectful lovers?" Signed T.G.
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL "Romance"
Mark Cunningham suggests that we read the book: "Dangerous Men and Adventurous Women." It is a collection of essays by 19 leading romance authors on the appeal of the romance novel. Edited by Jayne Ann Krentz and copyright 1992 by University of Pennsylvania Press, 186 pages. ISBN 0-8122-1411-0
Romance novels account for half of all book sales. Because women love them so much, I was curious about two things: what do women find so fascinating in the men featured in the books, and what is the psyche of the women readers.
This book would lead me to believe that what women need is to form relationships based on mutual understanding and respect. What women admire in themselves is courage. Both of these manifest themselves, or are played out, in her making that dangerous man fall in love with her.
The Plot: Victory for her is in teaching him to love. "It requires that the final union of male and female be a fusing of contrasting elements: heroes who are gentled by love yet who lose none of their warrior qualities in the process and heroines who conquer devils without sacrificing their femininity. It requires a quintessentially female kind of victory, one in which neither side looses, one which produces a whole that is stronger than either of its parts. It requires that the hero acknowledge the heroine's heroic qualities in both masculine and feminine terms. He must recognize and admire her sense of honor, courage, and determination as well as her traditionally female qualities of gentleness and compassion. And it requires a sexual bonding that transcends the physical, a bond that reader and writer know can never be broken. Thus, as the romance novel ends, the contrasting elements in the plot are entirely fused and reconciled. Male and female are integrated. The heroine's quest is won. She has succeeded in shining light into the darkness surrounding the hero. She has taught the devil to love."
The Romantic Hero: A warrior to be tamed. The romantic hero is a leader, strong, intelligent, untamed, tough, courageous, cynical, macho and dangerous. Yet, he is communicative, and deep down, is susceptible to succumbing to the vulnerabilities of deep love.
The Romantic Heroine: A woman of courage. The romantic heroine is a woman of intelligence, integrity, loyalty, faith, confidence, but above all courage. She conquers every challenge, the most difficult of which is taming him.
Sex in the Romance Novel. Sex is a celebration of the bond created between the heroine and the hero.
The Female Reader's Psyche: Learning to love one's self. In reading the romance novel, the woman escapes into a fantasy world where she can be everything she has always wanted to be and feel everything she has always wanted to feel with the security of knowing that there will be a happy ending.
"The romantic hero is not the feminine ideal of what a man should be. The romantic hero, in fact, is not a man at all. He is a split-off portion of the heroine's own psyche which will be reintegrated at the end of the book. It has been argued that psychological integration depends on encountering the shadow and accepting it. If the romance novel teaches a woman to love anybody, the person she must learn to love is herself."
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Hypnosis is a capital instrument for relaxation and alleviating stress. It helps calm down both the brain and body, giving a useful rest. All the same it can be rather costly to hire a clinical hypnotherapist, and we might not always want one around when we would like to destress.