The first step to success is to CHOOSE WISELY!
Every man has his preferences, but to find a highly responsive woman, the most important things to look for in a woman are: intelligence, imagination, deservedness, and sexuality. If you find a woman with all of those traits, you are in for one wild ride.
Intelligence is the biggest indicator of suggestibility. The more intelligent, the more powerfully she will respond to your suggestions. Intelligence is almost completely genetically determined. There is some aspect of environment, such as if she came from a family that values education. And besides, intelligent women are infinitely more interesting.
Imagination is the component that you will make use of to make things real for her. If she has a very good imagination, you can make anything real for her. If she does not, you are going to be continually frustrated. Imagination is usually closely related to intelligence, but not always. Imagination seems to be determined by genetics, but can be somewhat determined by environment. You can easily determine the imaginative ones by simply observing if they are making real the things you are talking about.
Deservedness is what a woman believes she deserves for herself. Mark is always harping on us for this. You have to find a woman who has a good sense of deservedness.
If the woman does not have a good sense of deservedness, you will be forever frustrated, your energy will be constantly drained, and the relationship is doomed. She cannot appreciate a good man when she's got one. She will sabotage the relationship and eventually leave for some scum that she believes she deserves. If you aren't a psychiatrist or a therapist, there's not much you can do about it.
On the other hand, a woman who does have a good sense of deservedness will be your best ally. She will be routing for you. She believes that she deserves to experience wonderful pleasure, and she believes that she deserves you.
A good sense of deservedness is the opposite of a bad sense of deservedness. (Note: everybody has A sense of deservedness.) An example of a bad sense of deservedness is a woman who stays with a controlling man. Therefore, one of the quickest ways to obtain much information about a woman is to note the men she associates with.
Deservedness is entirely environmentally determined. A person's sense of deservedness begins to develop early in life. I have found that women who had a close relationship with their father when they were little girls have a very good sense of deservedness. Such a woman is a 'daddy's girl.'
A 'daddy's girl' is a woman who had a very close relationship with her father when she was a little girl. He was loving and caring. He believed in her and supported her. He may have even taught her how to throw a baseball or throw a punch. She thus grew up with a high self esteem, a healthy relationship with men, and a good sense of
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL deservedness. She is thus emotionally healthy and believes that she deserves to be treated well by men. Interestingly, she is also very skilled at influencing men and making a man feel emotionally close to her.
This is in contrast to another woman who had a condescending or absent father. Such a woman is incapable of forming a deep emotional bond with a man. She has a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled. She believes that she deserves to be treated poorly by men, though she expects being showered with attention and material gifts. She is often spotted in the company of men that view women as things.
Daddy's girls also tend to be talkative. I love talkative women. They have an opinion and they can sustain a conversation. This is in contrast to another woman who needs to be constantly entertained.
Her relationship with her mother is also important. I have known daddy's girls who had mothers that were total emotional basket cases and made very bad decisions for themselves. In those cases, the young women tend to make bad decisions for themselves. To a large extent, women tend to repeat the same successes or failures of their mothers. Such daddy's girls display some of the typical traits of a daddy's girl, such as good eye contact, hearty handshake, and confident posture, but they make mistakes such as choose men poorly or have no direction in life. The very best women are those who had two good parents in a good relationship.
When I am getting to know a woman, I always steer the conversation to find out what her relationship with her father was like. Her response will heavily weigh in my decision. Also, I will at some point pay her a compliment. If she replies with a genuine "Thank you" then that's a good sign. If she responds by denying it or belittling it, that's a bad sign. I will also get conversation to where I ask her about her past relationships, what was good about them and what was bad about them. This gives me a very good idea about her sense of deservedness.
In Mark's "Building a Better Girlfriend" Ross asked Mark how you know if a woman has a good sense of deservedness. Mark replied "You look for goals. If she says she wants to be a dancer, or she wants to get married and have children, or she wants to feel loved; those are all good indications. But if she says she wants what her friends have, that's a bad thing." Mark defines a woman having a good sense of deservedness as a woman who is open to new learning and can look at her mind in new ways.
We as men also need to have a good sense of deservedness. As Mark says, we need to rise above the poverty mentality and we need to believe that we deserve that which will make us wildly happy. "Use this on yourself guys." (BaBGF.)
The two biggest factors to the success or failure of a relationship are respect and a good sense of deservedness. In all the failed relationships I have witnessed, either one, or both, is not present.
Sexuality: A highly sexual woman lives and breathes sexuality. Everything in her life has a sexual meaning. Sexuality flows through her veins. Sexuality is in every
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL aspect of her life. These women tend to have very acute senses, usually taste, smell, touch, and hearing. Such a woman is going to be an enthusiastic lover.
Sexuality is very different from promiscuous. Promiscuous women are endlessly seeking the approval of men. They offer what they think men want, their body. They may have a lot of sex, but it is not for the sake of expressing any kind of sexuality, it is just a tool for seeking the approval of men, or manipulating men.
But highly sexual women are more secure in themselves sexually and require no further validation. They do not base their value on what men think of them. They tend to be in long term serious relationships. In between relationships, they can go for a long time without a man. They do not tend to engage in recreational sex. Sex has a much deeper meaning for them and is tied into so many other aspects of who they are. A sexual woman will, however, begin sexual relations quickly upon finding a suitable man.
Sexuality seems to be determined genetically. At a very young age, such a woman had been asking herself questions about sexuality, looking for answers in whatever magazines she could find, and fantasizing about sexuality. Unfortunately, as happens all too often, sexuality can be seriously damaged by traumatic experiences. Such wounds are almost never healed.
So how do you test for all these things in a conversation?
When I meet a woman, the first thing I test for is a good self esteem. Somewhere in the conversation, I will pay her a compliment and see how she responds. If she belittles the compliment or down plays it, I know she has a low self esteem. The compliment will tend to break rapport, as it should. But if she takes the compliment well, such as responding with a genuine "Thank you!" then it may be possible that she has a good self esteem. The compliment will tend to increase rapport, which is what I want.
The next thing I test for is self assuredness and intelligence. Is she engaging? Is she interested in our conversation? Does she further the conversation? Does she have something to say? Is she passionate about something?
Her eyes tell much. If they are shinny and bright, that is a good sign. If her eyes dilate when I describe something, that is a very good sign. That last one is a very important one. I watch to see if the woman is imagining what I am describing, and being engaged in what I am describing. If so, the chances are good that she is suggestible. A highly critical requirement.
Then I will test for "Daddy's girl." I will say to her "Wow, it is obvious that you have a very good self esteem. That is refreshing. I bet you had a close relationship with your father when you were a little girl." If she didn't, it will tend to break rapport, as it should. But if she did, then it always servers to increase rapport in a massive way. Usually she will ask why I say that, and I will go into my "Daddy's girl" theory. The Daddy's Girls always love it. But the ones who were not Daddy's Girls will go into a long illogical discourse attempting to explain why they have a high self esteem.
Then I will test for sexuality. And I don't mean adventurous, or spontaneous, or
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL promiscuous. I mean sexuality. And it is very easy to test for. I simply explain to them how I believe that sexuality is very different from adventurous, spontaneous, or promiscuous. The highly sexual women light up and respond powerfully. The nonsexual women look at me with a blank stare because they have no clue what I am talking about.
One of the best ways to learn a lot about a woman is to look at the men she associates with. I will eventually get the conversation onto the subject of her past relationships. I will listen for signs of how she was treated by her men. That describes how she will be most comfortable. If her men did not concern themselves with pleasing her, that is a very bad sign. But if all her men were very interested in her pleasure, then that is a very good sign. They are the women who will most appreciate, and best respond to me.
Some might say "So many tests. It takes the human aspect out of it."
Women test men all the time. Each woman has preferences and past experiences. Each will ask the man questions, they will challenge him, they will put opportunities before him; and in each case, they will watch how he responds. When he is personally and sensually powerful, his responses to her testing will bring her closer to him.
The neat thing about her tests is: the man doesn't need his own original material; she will provide everything he needs. This is especially true for those women who really know what they want, i.e. Daddy's girls.
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL The Consummation
Some men have said "On the first night, we get most of our clothes off, and I start fingering her. She gets off, then says 'I've already gotten what I wanted tonight' and I end up getting nothing."
I've certainly made THAT mistake before! That happened to me once or twice in college, and I stopped doing THAT.
Here's the general rule to follow for the consummation when dealing with young women. There will be NO touching of clit or pussy until ALL the clothes are off. There can be lots of nipple sucking and tittie squeezing and rubbing of inner thighs, but there will be absolutely NO touching of clit or pussy until ALL the clothes are off (or panties pulled down if in the back seat of a Buick.)
Tug on the panties, but NEVER reach inside them. If she objects to the panties coming off, whatever you do, do NOT reach inside. That would be rewarding IMproper behavior, and that is a BAD thing!
When the panties come off, lightly touch her clit to create lubrication. Then stimulate her deep spot, but be very careful to NOT make her come. The idea is to get her excited, and aching to be entered, but NOT to make her come.
Then slap on the condom. That tells her it's time for intercourse. If she objects, go NO further. NO more fingering of pussy or touching of clit. That would be rewarding IM-proper behavior.
When things do progress to intercourse, you damn well better make her come THEN, because we always reward Proper behavior :-)
All of the above ONLY applies to the first time. After that, when she is your lover, there should be lots of awesome foreplay. And all of the above only applies to less than mature women. One night stands for immature women are more about conquests and getting off than they are about intimacy.
As for more mature women, they are self assured, interested in the man's pleasure, and decisive. If they go home with a guy, it's because they have already made the decision that they are going to fuck him. If he gets her off before intercourse, she is even happier about her decision to fuck him.
And as for mature high self esteem women, they are especially interested in the man being excited about being with her. (This is in contrast to low self esteem women who are looking for validation.)
Some mature high self esteem women will only go as far as third base the first night of intimacy as a test of two things: 1) can she trust him, and 2) is she still in control. It can also be a test to see if he respects her enough to wait until the next night to have intercourse.
And on top of that, for the very discriminating highly sexual women, it is also a test to see if he can give awesome foreplay before intercourse. These are the really fun ones. In these situations (which you will find yourself in if you choose wisely) she is looking for a lover who is very good. If you have chosen well, awesome foreplay is in order.
Which brings us to the classic question: What are the long term ramifications of closing her the first night versus the second night?
My experience has been that if I close a woman the first night, we never see each other again. Of the times I was unable to close the first night, but did on the second night, it led to a long term relationship.
My first experience with that was in college when a very attractive tall young lady and I got together the night we met, and the sex was awesome (I received a number of wonderful compliments) but she never returned my calls! I was crushed, and very puzzled. A few more experiences like that began to tell me something. And then, of the times I was unable to close the first night, but did on the second night, I could not get rid of them.
There have been a few exceptions, but it usually follows that basic formula:
First night = one night stand, second night = relationship.
I began to think most women put men into categories - one night stand, relationship material, fuck buddy, just a friend, loser. And there is no overlap. If she wants anonymous one night stand sex, she never sees him again. If she wants him for a relationship, she makes him wait for the second night.
Conclusion #1: Women categorize men.
Sometimes a woman can be moved from one category to another. There are countless examples of successful relationships that started as friends and moved to lovers, (but deeper inspection shows that most of those probably had some sexual tension all along.)
But it depends on the categories. I have never converted a one night stand to a relationship, (unless it specifically started out as a first night consummation of a long term relationship, and that was rare.) Because a one night stand is only about sex, she believes that the man views her only as a sex object, and she does not believe he could ever view her seriously. She believes that he could never respect her as a person. Similarly, I have never converted a fuck buddy arrangement to a relationship, (unless it already had many aspects of a relationship, or she thought it was a relationship.) On a very few occasions I have been able to convert a one night stand to a fuck buddy. Since it was just about sex in the first place, no problem in it remaining just about sex.
Interestingly, there have been a number of situations where I have converted a relationship to a fuck buddy. But I was unable to do it DURING the relationship, because that would violate the premise of a relationship. What I did was to LJBF her ("let's just be friends"), and THEN as friends, after some time had passed, we would reminisce about the great sex, and then I would propose the fuck buddy idea. Since we were no longer in a relationship, and she already knew me to be an exciting lover, it was okay. In fact, if she didn't really want to look for a new relationship, but just wanted to have hot sex, it was a good thing.
There are rules for each category, and the woman follows the rules.
Conclusion #2. Women follow the rules of each category, and only when it
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL does not violate other current standing rules.
And don't be surprised if they DO stick to the rules! Rick H is awesome, and he sets himself as a once in a lifetime adventure, "It's Now or never Baby." The problem with that is - they never come back! Even though he's everything any woman could ever want! What's with that?! (In all respect for Rick, in the cases where he has gotten to know women over time, they tend to want to stay.)
Why do women categorize some men into only one night stands and others into only relationships? What makes her decide? I thought it might be based on what she is looking for at the time. If she just wants a one night stand, that's what she's going to look for. If she wants a relationship, that's what she's going to look for. But I began to find contradictions to that. Many woman have told me that they are looking for a relationship, but I end up closing them that night and never seeing them again. On other occasions women have appeared to be moving things along very quickly but then won't let their panties be taken off, and then the next day talking about bringing me to their family reunion.
Often it appears that women don't know what they want. But I think most of them do. Ultimately, most of them would like to be in an exciting relationship with a very exciting person that they are completely fulfilled with and have everything they could have ever dreamed of. Sounds reasonable. But how often does that happen? What really is "ideal?" They have some learning to do. They need to have experiences. They may meet an exciting man that does not meet all of their "relationship" criteria, but would be fun to fuck, so they have a one night stand. Sometimes they get into a relationship with a dependable person who might not be as exciting, but they want the companionship and regular sex. Sometimes they get drunk at the bar and meet an ideal relationship material guy, but their inhibitions get displaced by their hominess, and they go for immediate gratification. Basically, they fill the time. They learn on their journey.
And then there are those women who want what they can't have - they're called mistresses. And then there are those women who truly don't know what the hell they want - they're called flakes.
Conclusion #3: Sometimes women take what works for them at the moment.
I noticed among my friends that they were attracting certain kinds of women. Some of my buddies were always, and only, getting one night stands. And others went from one long term committed relationship to another. Could it be that women SAW them as being in certain categories, and went with that?
I began to notice that on the times that I drove hard for a first night close, it would most often end up that way, and not in a relationship. On those times that I took my time, if anything it ended up in a relationship.
And when I recall the words of Major Mark: "People believe the reality you present them" and "You must tell them what is expected proper behavior" and "Be careful what you wish for" it all became much clearer.
Conclusion #4. Women go with the frame you present them.
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL
It all has to do with setting the proper frame. Decide what it is you want, and present that frame. Articulate what is expected proper behavior. If you want a one night stand, set that frame. If you want a relationship, set that frame.
Some might suggest that you first find out what the woman wants, and then meld to that. But often they give the wrong information anyway. They may say they want a relationship, but only say that so they don't look like a slut when they fuck you that night. Some may move things along very quickly, but only to get into a position to sink their long term relationship teeth in you. But most often, the woman is waiting for you to tell her what you want, so she can decide if she wants to play by those rules. The best thing to do is define the rules and then let her decide. Yeah, you may miss one or two on the way who may happen to be looking for something specifically different, but being indecisive is placating and results in far more lost opportunities.
Of course, there are exceptions to everything, and the rules change somewhat as women get older and more mature and more secure in themselves.
"A woman will tell you everything you need to seduce her." Mark Cunningham
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