One of the most rewarding endeavors is to expand the envelop of a woman's sexuality. To gently take her hand and lead her into new territories of experience, to be with her when she experiences things she never imagined she would ever do, and to watch the look of pleasure on her face.
Expanding the envelop of a woman's sexuality is, in actuality, bringing a woman's submerged desires to reality. It is also bringing to reality things that she may not have ever dreamed of doing, or ever knew existed, but once experienced, then desires. It is ultimately the ruthless expression of her sexuality.
The proper motivation for her to expand her envelop of sexuality includes: Her sexual fulfillment is what she does to please you. She is increasingly sexually responsive to you in order to become closer to you, a celebration of your close emotional bond, new ways to have an orgasm, more orgasms, and stronger orgasms, exploration, new ways to enjoy her sexuality, and to be all the woman she can be.
The wrong motivation would include any of the following: To conform, to get along, selfishness, manipulation, guilt, intimidation, fear, a desire to be liked, challenges to her identity, a challenge of her love for you, or an ultimatum. She has to believe that it is for her benefit. She has to feel good about it. She has to always know that she has a choice. As Mark says "She must always be in control of the process." That would mean, for one thing, never leave her without a choice by saying something like "Just let me know when you're ready" or "If you want to do this, come over." If she comes over, she has agreed to do what you had proposed. If she doesn't want to do it, she cannot come over. That's a bad thing. Likewise, you always want to pose your suggestions in a manner such that she has the opportunity to answer in a non specific manner that does not commit her. This allows her to agree without actually saying it. For example, you would not say "Would you like me to tie you up?" Instead, you would say "I think it would be very exciting if I were to take these silk ties and tie your hands to the bed posts." Another manner is to slowly guide her and let her follow by simply not resisting. This allows her to keep the power of being able to say no at any time if she feels uncomfortable. And in saying no, it is not contrary to something she had agreed to. (But, of course, you will always make her feel comfortable.) For example, you would not say "Would you like me to masturbate you here in public?" Instead you would say "Oh Baby, your skirt is so sexy, and knowing that you are not wearing any underwear makes me so very excited. I just can't keep my hands off the inside of your thighs. I know these sensations are driving you wild." Etc. etc.
The greatest compliment a woman could pay her man is for her to be sexually responsive to him. Nothing is more exciting for a woman than to open herself completely to her man, to surrender herself totally to him, and to become as close to him as possible. A woman's pleasure is very cerebral. We have already covered how to appeal to that. But a woman's fulfillment is all about emotions. Appeal to her emotions. She will make decisions based on emotions. She will then use logic to justify her decisions.
To expand your woman's envelop of sexuality you must know her. You come to know her by showing genuine interest and concern for her. This will open her up to you. Ask her questions to know more about her. Pay attention to her reactions to the things you say and do. Always demonstrate that you are gentle, sensitive, loving, and caring, but not in a placating way. This is not supplication when she has respect for you as her strong man. Gentle without strength is just wimp.
To expand your woman's envelop of sexuality she must feel protected by you. Women don't like to admit it, but they like to feel protected by their man. They need to know they are with a man who will protect them when they need to be protected. This is demonstrated to her by "walking the talk," doing what you say you are going to do. It is also demonstrated to her by respecting her sense of independence and ability to deal with things herself, because over protective reeks of jealousy and paranoid.
To expand your woman's envelop of sexuality she must trust you. Her trust in you is earned by you demonstrating trust in her, total approval and complete acceptance. To get her to trust you, first tell her one of your secrets, and share with her how that made you feel. She will feel closer to you. She will then feel comfortable about sharing a secret with you. When she does, be completely accepting. This will make her feel even closer. Then ask her how her secret made her feel. As she describes that, give her complete support and acceptance without judgment. That will make her feel even more closely to you.
In expanding her envelop of sexuality, you may have to change her mind on a thing or two. To do that, first let her change your mind on something. Then she will be more likely to let you change her mind. Another way to help the cause is to regularly ask her for her opinion on matters you have been contemplating. Take her advice. This allows her to feel more flexible to your suggestions.
Your woman needs to feel good about herself. Therefore, never ever point out the flaws in your woman. Women are already acutely aware of their flaws. Don't get linked to her flaws. Instead, always point out the finer points in her. Then you get linked to everything she likes about herself. Also, feel free to point out some things about her that you like, but she doesn't yet know she has. For example, say "I love how you are so responsive to me." This brings up another point. People do what you expect of them. If you want her to be sexually responsive to you, simply say "I love it when you are so responsive to me. It makes me feel close to you." This tells her that when she is responsive to you, you will feel closer to her.
One of the most important things to consider in expanding her envelop of sexuality is her feelings. Always respect her feelings. Always nurture her feelings. Always think of how she feels. Always think about how what you do and what you say will affect her feelings. Always protect her feelings. If anyone hurts her feelings, immediately defend her. On occasions, it happens that there is a misunderstanding. If you ever accidentally hurt her feelings, repair the damage immediately. When her feelings are hurt, she feels her power has been diminished. Restore her power
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL immediately. Give a sincere apology, take full responsibility for your actions, show remorse for your errors, and suggest to her how it will never happen again. This is not supplication; quite the contrary, this is being a man.
One of the most important tools in expanding her envelop of sexuality are her own sexual fantasies. They may be things she never thought she would actually do. Find what her fantasies are, then whisper them back into her ear, then help her to act them out.
Ascertaining a woman's fantasies can be easy or hard, depending on the woman and the fantasies. Start by simply asking her. She might offer up a fairly tame fantasy at first. You will build from there. In order that she will share her fantasies with you, she must feel that you trust her, that you accept her, and that you will not judge her.
For the more secure woman, she may simply offer one of her fantasies. If it is something that is physically possible to act out, do so. If not, whisper the fantasy back into her ear while you masturbate her. One woman, who was the conservative "librarian" type, told me after we had been dating a couple weeks that she had a dream that she was sitting at her desk at work with many people around and that I was whispering into her ear and then fondling her and then licking her and she actually came in her dream. That dream revealed a lot about her. She has to keep a very proper image, but at the same time she is a very sexual person. Challenging the proper image was something very exciting for her. I rewarded her correct behavior by affirming her dream, telling her that it was very exciting for me, and then I demonstrated my affections for her. Then I whispered the fantasy back into her ear and I started masturbating her. She found it to be very exciting and she came very hard. This made her even more responsive to my words.
Whenever a woman tells you what she likes, she is consciously or subconsciously telling you to do it. About a week later, she told me that she had the fantasy that I would come over to her house at 11:00 PM and when she answered the door I would take her right there behind the door. A couple nights later, at 11:00 PM, I went over to her house and did exactly that. It was very exciting for her. Though it was a fairly tame fantasy, it was a start.
Sometimes you have to try things based on what you know about her, in order to find what excites her. She was an executive secretary for a vice president of a major corporation where proper image is critical. She always wore very conservative Liz Claiborne suits and had a lakeside home, but man did she like to fuck. I knew that shattering "the image" was something that would be very exciting for her. One sunny Sunday afternoon I took her to the shore of her lake and started making out with her. I told her how much I wanted her, but that we could not do it right there because someone might see. I fired off the usual anchors, there was little resistance, and I fucked her right there where anyone else living on the lake with binoculars could clearly see. She got off on it big time, and mentioned it often after that.
But if she is a bit shy, you may have to be somewhat indirect. Tell her about a
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL woman's fantasy that you read about in a magazine or in a book you read about female fantasies. Start with something fairly tame, like public sex. Ask her opinion about the fantasies. As she does so, listen carefully to her response and affirm her opinion. Then ask her if she had ever had a similar fantasy. She may reveal one of hers.
Once I was dating a bi-curious woman and I mentioned how I read that almost half of Internet porn is downloaded by women. She timidly revealed to me that she had downloaded lesbian porn and then masturbated to it. I affirmed her desires and told her that it excited me. Then I said to her "I recently downloaded such a picture. Come over to my computer and I will show it to you." I then had her sit in front of me between my legs as I showed her the picture stored on my computer. It was a picture of a woman rubbing the clit of another woman. I said to her "Does that make you excited? Can you imagine being the woman getting her clit rubbed by the other woman? Don't you think that would be very exciting?" She said it would, and she did begin to become excited. I then reached into her panties and started rubbing her clit. I said "Is this how that would feel? Can you feel how incredibly good that would feel?" She really got into it and I continued to masturbate her and narrate the fantasy to her until she came very hard. Of course, she was so excited that she then impaled herself upon me. So I fucked her while she looked at the picture, thus further linking our sex to her fantasies.
Always take the opportunity to link yourself to her fantasies. Also take the opportunity to link yourself to her favorite things. One woman I was dating told me that she loves being under the stars while overlooking a lake from the top of a hill. The following weekend, on a starry night, I grabbed a blanket and took her to the top of a hill overlooking a lake. We enjoyed the view. Then I fired off the usual anchors, coaxed her on some, and then we proceeded to anchor our lovemaking to her ideal place. This also combined the excitement of public sex, which has an element of fear of getting caught. Sexual arousal can be intensified by including adrenaline from other states of heightened arousal, like fear or excitement.
Always take the opportunity to combine fantasies. Once I took the bi-curious woman shopping for sexy underwear. We found a very sexy black lacy pair for her. That night I told her I wanted her to wear it under a very short mini skirt when we were to go out dancing. I told her that knowing she was wearing those panties would make me very excited. While we were at the night club, I saw her looking at a woman. I said to her "You find that woman to be very sexy. You find her body to be very exciting, don't you?" She shyly said "Yes." We were standing at the bar. I was just to her side and slightly behind her. I was wearing a long leather coat. From behind her, I placed my hand on the inside of her bare thighs. I said "It would be very exciting for you to feel her hand on the soft sensitive skin of the inside of your thighs." She again shyly said "Yes." Then I said "She would find your new panties to be very sexy. She would want to touch them. Isn't that right Baby?" and I slid my hand up to touch her panties. She softly moaned "Yes." Then I said "She would feel how very wet your panties are getting. It would drive her crazy and she would want to push your panties
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL aside and feel your wetness just like this. Isn't that right Baby?" She just moaned. Then I continued narrating the fantasy into her ear as I proceeded to masturbate her. I told her "You cannot let that beautiful barmaid in front of you know how much pleasure you are feeling. You must keep this a secret from everybody. But you are so excited that you must come so fucking hard." I continued until she did. That fantasy enactment combined three fantasies: how her sexy underwear turned me on, her bicuriosity, and public sex. It also went a long ways to make her even more responsive to my words.
In working with her fantasies, you will use pacing and leading. You will pace her fantasies and then lead her into deeper fantasies. Each time she offers a fantasy, you reward her correct behavior by giving her pleasure based upon that fantasy. It may be whispering it back to her while you masturbate her, or it may be actually acting it out. And then give her what she really wants by telling her how it has made you feel closer to her. After you have paced her fantasies to the point of developing deep rapport around fantasies, then you can lead her fantasies into entirely new areas. They may be things she never actually thought she would do.
To move up to more advanced fantasies, you use what you know about her, plus the basic proper motivations for her to expand her envelop of sexuality listed above, and you begin to anchor fantasies to the pleasure you two already share. You start by narrating a fantasy into her ear while you have her in a heightened state of arousal. Because it's just a fantasy, it's ok. But while you are describing the fantasy to her, she experiences the fantasy in her imagination. Because it is you describing the fantasy to her, she is going to become strangely excited about it. And as you make her come, that fantasy gets linked to you giving her an orgasm. As a result, she becomes even more responsive to you, and interestingly, the fantasy begins to become real for her.
Then you use commitment and consistency. Ask her if it was exciting for her. She will affirm. This is commitment. Getting her to say it makes it even more real for her. Then you use consistency when you are in bed again to move to the next level. She must be consistent with her previous affirmation in order to prevent cognitive dissonance, the internal conflict that is created when she does something which is inconsistent with her beliefs or identity. She will then try to rationalize her behavior to reduce cognitive dissonance.
Mark tells us that one of the best ways to expand her envelope of sexuality is to share a taboo. This is SO very true. And it does not necessarily have to be a sexual taboo.
Most women keep a diary. Her diary is a very secret and special thing to her. Her past is riddled with ex-boyfriends who were dumped when they were caught reading her diary. It is a huge violation of trust. And it is because of that, that it is a powerful taboo to leverage. My girlfriend keeps such a diary. One night I called her and said "Sweetheart, we have no secrets, except for one. Your diary. I do not want to read your diary, as that is the one place where you can go and reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. And it is because you are the only one who reads it that you are
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL able to do that. I want you to be able to do that. So here is what I want you to do. Tonight, I want you to write one day's worth of diary on some paper. It can be any day of your choosing. You can say whatever you want. When I get there tomorrow night, you will give me what you have written and I will read it." She said "But I do not understand why you want to do this?" I said "Because it would be very exciting for me Baby. It would reveal to me something very private about you, and that would allow me to feel even closer to you." She said "You want me to write something up, about any day?" I said "Yes." She said "Why don't I just copy one day out of my diary? 1'11 be sure to not pick a day that I was mad at you, I'll pick a day that I felt good about you." 1 laughed and said "That would be fine." When I arrived at her house she read to me from her diary. As I expected, it made her feel even more open to me, and increased her responsiveness to me. It went a long way towards making her feel mentally and emotionally naked to me. Very important.
One of the most powerful taboos for some women is for her to masturbate in front of you. For some women, it is an unthinkable act. I was dating a 25 year old woman who had never masturbated in her life, let alone in front of another man. So basically, she only had orgasms was when she was with a man. That would mean that her pleasure was totally based upon having a man to do it. What kind of life is that? I was going to give her the gift that would keep on giving. Right before we were going to have intercourse, I instead let the tip of my cock rub up and down against her pussy and then her clit. Then I told her that it would be very exciting if she were to hold my cock and to press my cock against her clit. She did. Then I told her to rub my cock up and down against her clit in a way that would make her clit feel really good. She looked somewhat embarrassed, but with a little coaxing, she did do it. Because it was my cock against her clit, and not her finger, it was ok. She did start to get into it, and I coached her on until she came. The next time we were together, I was rubbing her clit, and I asked her to put her hand over my hand to help guide my hand to show me what feels best for her. She did. When she got really close, I slowed down and I asked her if I could put my hand on top of hers instead. Since she was so close, and wanted to come so badly, she reluctantly agreed. With my hand on top of hers, she made herself come. Eventually she was able to masturbate in front of me whenever I requested. Not surprisingly, she turned into a masturbating monster.
As always, your woman must know that you believe that every part of a woman's body is sensual. Every part of a woman's body is responsive. Everything is natural and normal. This is especially true when you turn her on to anal sex. To get her to do anal, you will use all of the previous methods, plus some more.
The first step is to link anal stimulation to her orgasm. This is easy. While you are doing the welcomed method on her, get your fingers really wet from the Astroglide, and then touch her anus with your pinky. Assure her that every part of her body is sensual. Tell her to notice how being touched there makes her excitement even stronger. When she starts to get close, slowly slide your pinky in just a little bit. If she objects, stop rubbing her and simply reassure her and again remind her that every part
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL of her body is sensual. When she is done objecting, you continue the stimulation. When she comes, the anal stimulation gets linked to her orgasm. Reward her good behavior and tell her how much that excited you. Then give her a thorough fucking, in her vagina. That's all for that night. You don't want to seem in a hurry to get in her ass. Remember, it's all about her pleasure. You'll get yours. What is important is that she is responsive to you.
The second step is to make anal stimulation cause her to orgasm. This is only possible if she is very responsive to you. Have her lay on her stomach while you masturbate her. Get her close, but don't make her come. Again use Astroglide, and slowly slide the Astroglide onto her anus. Tell her to notice how naughty it makes her feel that anal stimulation makes her so excited. Slide your middle finger into her ass while you tell her how naughty that makes her feel. Tell her that it makes her very excited about you fucking her in the ass. Because it's just a fantasy, it's ok. Continue to remind her how she is such a naughty little girl because she loves it when you fuck her in the ass. Drive your finger in and out of her ass and continue narrating the fantasy until she comes. When she comes, she is convinced even further that being responsive to you gives her powerful orgasms in new ways. Reward her good behavior and tell her how much that excited you. Then give her a thorough fucking, in her vagina. That's all for that night.
The third step is to fuck her in the ass. This is only possible if you have already given her an ass orgasm with your finger. Only do this when she is really excited. Get her really hot with a very thorough eating out, and then remind her how you both enjoy giving each other so much wonderful pleasure and it makes you feel close to each other. Have her confirm. Suggest to her how you want to feel so very close to her in every way possible. Remind her how exciting it was for her when you had your finger in her ass, and how very exciting it would be for her if you were to fuck her in the ass. Have her apply the lube to your cock. This prepares her for the act. Then you tube her up, and go gently, while continually reminding her to relax.
Of course, all of the above can be circumvented if you know hypnosis. Put her in trance and say to her "Notice how the idea of me fucking you in the ass makes you very excited. In fact, it makes you so excited that it makes your ass very horny. In fact, you can feel your ass tingling with anticipation. The more your ass tingles, the more excited it becomes. The more excited it becomes, the more it makes your ass ache to be flicked by me. The mere thought of me fucking you in the ass makes your ass so excited that it wants to come. Your ass wants to come so badly. Your ass wants to have a very powerful orgasm. Your ass is so excited that it is going to come right now. Your ass is going to come now. Come Now! Hard! Come Now!"
Then take her out of trance. Gauge the situation. The next time you hypnotize her, include stimulation with your finger and remind her how the more you touch her ass, the more it relaxes her. See "Slide in the Back Door." When she can relax, and she can easily have an orgasm from anal stimulation, she will demand that you fuck her in the ass.
And then the really big one, turn her on to threesomes. This is something that should be introduced very early in the relationship. If you have been dating your woman for some time, and she has not already brought up the threesome idea, and you then introduce the idea, she may wonder why the sudden change. She may wonder that she is no longer enough for you.
The most certain means to success is to first choose right. Find a woman who already is a practicing bisexual or has expressed an interest in it. Then all you have to do is be congruent with her reality. The most certain means to failure is to choose an insecure woman who believes that bisexuality is disgusting. In that case, there is little that can be done. But for most women, they just need a little help.
The biggest obstacle in turning her on to threesomes is her jealousy. When she is jealous, her identity is threatened. Her identity is that of being your woman. Different women have different definitions for what that means. Some need lots of attention, some need to be showered with gifts, some need sexual monogamy, but all of them, without exception, need that one thing they cherish: an exclusive emotional relationship. She is the only woman with whom you share this deep emotional bond. So long as that is true, she knows she is your woman, and her identity is preserved. Protect her identity above all else at all times, and the rest will follow.
To turn your woman on to bisexuality, you must make it clear that it is something you share together, something that brings you two closer. And above all else, your woman must be absolutely convinced that no matter what happens, she will remain that sole woman with whom you share that emotional bond. As my girlfriend says "Love is love, but sex is sex."
Ideally, it is best to start the relationship in the right frame, that is, she knows that you prefer bisexual women, two at a time. In that context, and if you do not already have an emotional bond with another woman, she will naturally compete to be that one woman who wins your heart, fully knowing that she will share your cock. Which is why, when you and your girlfriend go out to seduce bisexual women to enjoy together, you must make it very clear to the other woman that you already have an exclusive emotional bond with your girlfriend.
A very effective way to expand your woman's envelope of sexuality, for situational activities such as threesomes, is with the use of stories that depict fantasies. These stories are hypothetical situations about hypothetical people. These are stories that you type up, print out, and then read to her at "Story Time," a special time that you two share together. Then you give the print out of the stories to her to keep. She will save them and cherish them and read them when she masturbates.
To motivate your woman to partake in a particular sexual activity, get her there a step at a time through the use of fantasy stories. But this must be done a step at a time. It may take a few Story Times to build up to where you want to be. If you want your woman to be excited about watching you fuck another woman, you must first motivate her to be excited about having a threesome. To motivate her to be excited about having a threesome, you must first motivate her to be excited about being with another woman.
Surprise her one night with three stories you have written for her. Tell her that Story Time is for the entertainment of the imagination. Tell her it is just about hypothetical fantasies. Because you took the time and effort to write the stories, she will be more than happy to hear them. Because they are just fantasies, she will suspend disbelief and she will accept them into her imagination as entertainment. Because they are your stories, she will allow them to be real in her imagination.
There will be three fantasy stories. The first is a fantasy that you already know she enjoys. This associates your stories with her excitement, but more importantly, with her acceptance of the fantasy in the story. The second story is a fantasy about something that you know she will like, but has not yet experienced. This associates your stories with excitement about things that she has not yet done. Then, finally, the third story is about the experience you want her to partake in. Since she was excited by the first two stories, it follows that she will be excited by the third story.
The story about the hypothetical woman must illustrate the advantage that your woman will experience by partaking in the sexual activity, such as it brings her and her man even closer together.
Then make her very comfortable and read the stories to her. Read them with passion and expression, and slow enough that she can make them real in her imagination with great clarity. The fantasy then becomes real in her imagination. After the story telling, give her the stories and finish the evening off with some awesome sex. Later, as she reads the stories when she is alone, the fantasies again become her reality, and she can make it her reality that she is staring in the stories.
Do not be in a rush to hear what she thinks of the stories. Let her think about them for a few days. Let her read them again when she is alone.
Only after she has had time to relive the stories over a few times, select an appropriate time in the living room to discuss the stories with her. Start by asking her which story was her favorite story. Then ask her what she liked about each story. When she gets to the third story, ask her how she felt about that fantasy. Chances are she will say that she thought it was very exciting but that she would never consider doing it in real life. Let her discuss why. This reveals to you her objections. What this really does is it reveals to you her conditions for it actually happening in real life. For example, if it is about having a threesome, she may object to the idea of "sharing you" with another woman. Her real objection is that she does not want you to become emotionally attached to the other woman. You then know that her condition for it actually happening is that you do not become emotionally attached to the other woman, that the other woman does not try to become emotionally attached to you, that your woman remains your woman, and that the act brings you and your woman even closer together. It then becomes a healthy expression of her sexuality and of your relationship together.
At this point, you ask her to imagine that situation again, but in the context that her conditions are met. For a threesome, it is within the context that you two are a
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL secure couple, you have no interest in an emotional relationship with another woman, it is a healthy expression of her sexuality, and it is an experience that brings you two even closer together. In that context, she can be excited about it.
As for threesomes in particular, remember that your woman gets excited about watching you fuck another woman because it makes you appear to her as even more strong, masculine, and sexy.
But don't think she is going to be ready to run out and pick up women with you. It may have to be discussed at more length. She may have many questions that she needs cleared up. It may also have to be made real for her again in her imagination.
Story Time then depicts that act, in that context, with her and you staring in the stories. Then it becomes an affirmation of her willing participation by allowing herself to become excited by the story in your presence.
Fantasy story telling is not limited to Story Time. For example, on those nights that my girlfriend and I are not together, but speak on the phone, I will occasionally tell her to get comfortable because I am going to hypnotize her. After she is deep in trance, I narrate a fantasy to her about some act that she and I partake in. Because it is just a fantasy, she allows herself to enjoy it. Because it is deep trance hypnosis, the fantasy becomes vividly real for her. And of course, she is made to come many times and very hard. At a later date I will discuss the fantasy with her. I find out how she felt about it, and then we begin to discuss the context in which we can make it real for us.
And finally, a note about resistance. If you press hard against resistance, she will just resist even more, and delve deeper into why she must resist more. There are varying degrees of resistance. There is "Oh Honey, I don't know if I want to do this" in which case you just slow down a bit. There is "Oh Honey, I am feeling uncomfortable about this" in which case you step way back and talk about it, because you risk breaking rapport. And there is "Get your God damn finger the fuck out of my ass" in which case you have gone too far too fast and you have broken rapport. In that case, you will have to retreat all the way back to start over some other day.
One thing that keeps a woman from allowing her envelop of sexuality to be expanded is she cannot let go. She cannot open up. To open up and let go means to surrender to pleasure. Like I tell women, "For it is when you surrender to the vulnerabilities of passion that you are fulfilled the most." But some women are holding on to control so tight that they can hardly breathe. They just can't relax and enjoy. There could be many reasons and things in her past that keeps a woman from opening up and letting go. If they are deep rooted troubles, she may need to see a professional hypnotherapist.
At all times, be clear, simple, and direct, while remaining flexible to alternatives if they lead toward the same goals. Also, be flexible about the occasional nights when she just is not in the mood for one particular type of sexual activity. Let it be. Wait for another day to do that. It's ok.
And always, as Mark tells us, have faith in her that she will suggest new ways that both of you can experience exciting new adventures.
"Sexy is not something you do, it's something you are. Have you ever seen a woman try to DO sexy? It's like a stripper. It looks stupid. But for those women who truly ARE sexy... wow." Suzylicorice
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL Be The Man
You would certainly want your woman to be all woman for you. In order to bring out the best in a woman, you must be all man for her. Don't TRY to be the man. Don't ACT like the man. Instead, BE The Man.
It does not mean be macho. It does not mean be an alpha male. It is about something else entirely. It is about personal power. Not power over other people. If you had power over other people, then by definition, somebody else would have power over you. Instead, it is about the power that comes from within you. It is about being personally powerful.
You are honest with yourself. You are true to yourself. This implies that you are honest with others. To deceive others would violate the rule.
You have respect for yourself. You expect to be treated with respect. This implies that you treat others with respect. To do otherwise would violate the rule. You do not expend any energy on people who do not treat you with respect. To do so would violate the rule.
You are in control of your own state at all times. You feel good, for yourself, by yourself, because of yourself.
You are in control without being controlling. You are confident without being arrogant. You have powerful feelings and thoughts. You are totally emotionally honest. It is a very rare combination to be powerfully confident and emotional.
You are a dominant man - one that can be in charge, commanding, and in control, and feel completely comfortable with that role. Like Mark Cunningham says "Be comfortable with power." This is very different from being demanding or controlling.
Mark tells us to "Be tough. She doesn't expect you to always win, but she does expect you to be tough."
You Love Women. You believe in women. You are fascinated by women. You adore everything that defines a woman as woman. You derive no greater pleasure than pleasing a woman. You say it often and you believe it and it makes you feel good to say it. If you can't do that, then you need to honestly ask yourself what your true motivations are.
You are a man that appreciates and revels in her sexiness. You make her feel like the sexiest woman in the world. You revel in savoring the sensual woman in her, and you are comfortable in doing that.
You have your own identity. You are NOT defined by her. Keep your own identity.
You don't need her. You want her, but you don't need her.
Mark tells us: "Live the life of adventure. Adventure is the approach you take. Look at everything with a sense of passion. Be willing to take risks."
You are decisive. You can decide where to eat and where to sit. (Of course, if
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL she suggests somewhere else, you can go with that.) Never take anything for granted. Never assume.
You know what you want. If you don't know what you want, you probably won't get it, in fact, you'll probably end up with something you don't want.
You are powerful in that you evoke powerful emotions in her. Always keep seducing her.
You know what she likes. You listen for what she likes. You ask questions that will allow you to learn what she likes.
Do not give her a key to your place. Do not let her leave her stuff at your place. Keep your own life, until you both make the investment to make a life together.
When at the night club, and you return from the bathroom to find some guy hitting on her, you say to the guy "Excuse me, this lady's on a date." She DOES want you to say SOMETHING. She does NOT want you to get into a fight. If the guy gets bouge, simply take her away from the situation. With the really good women, you can leave her alone and know that she will just tell any guy to get lost.
Be a little mysterious. Don't tell her everything you do. Hold a little back. Tell her something later and let it surprise her.
Find out what her fantasies are, and then at a later date, narrate them back to her. Then act them out.
Always expand her envelope of sexuality.
Talk dirty to her while you fuck her.
She must hear your voice in her head when she comes. Install your voice by saying a key phrase each time she comes. In the future, she will hear that in her head.
If she is not orgasmic, train her to be orgasmic. If she is not vaginally orgasmic, train her to be vaginally orgasmic. If she is not multi-orgasmic, train her to be multi-orgasmic.
Never ask for sex. Instead, spend the evening planting anchors, making her feel sexy and beautiful, and then at the end of the evening, simply fire off the anchors and let her jump you.
Always look for new opportunities to plant new anchors. Always dig for new core beliefs.
She always comes more than you. Intercourse always results in an orgasm for her.
She is totally naked before you even so much as take your shoes off. Unless, of course, she rips your clothes off.
Reward her for good behavior, and do NOT reward her for improper behavior. Mark tells us that I out of every 6 times you should not reward her for her good behavior. This keeps her trying even harder.
On those rare occasions when you happen to not be "in the mood" don't get it on just to placate her. That would not be true to yourself, or her. You can please her,
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL but you are not obliged to do anything more.
When she compliments you, don't reply with a thank you and the same compliment back. Instead say: "Oh Baby, that makes me feel so good." If she gives you another one, give her what she really wants to hear: "Oh Baby, that makes me feel so close to you."
Some guys suggest canceling dates on occasions. That is a bad thing. That will only make her angry, will get worse with time, and will certainly backfire. Besides, it is outright lying. Instead, on occasions, when she calls you and suggests a particular night to go out, and you happen to already have other plans, then simply tell her so. This makes you more valuable. It also makes her wonder a bit. It also serves to illustrate that you have a life. And don't change your plans. That would be placating. Instead, suggest another time to get together.
Some guys suggest putting her down on occasions. That is a bad thing. That can leave deep scares, and will certainly backfire.
Never loose your temper. That is a bad thing. She will loose respect for you. Instead, do as Ross says and calmly call her on her bullshit. There may be respect opportunities early in the relationship, but they will diminish with time. Likewise, make use of reward opportunities. It is supposed to be about rewarding her good behavior, not disciplining her bad behavior.
You don't try to fix her. You don't tell her what to do. Instead, when she asks for your help, you listen with empathy and you support her as you can.
She has to know that you can have any woman you want. She will work harder to keep you satisfied. When you are out on a date, you are able to talk to anyone with ease. You do NOT hit on women, you do NOT flirt with women, but you DO establish rapport quickly and easily, in a fun context.
Mark tells us "Don't have her constantly chasing you, but instead, get her to the point where she enjoys having you."
I asked my girlfriend what she believes is important for a successful relationship, and she said: "A meaningful relationship requires a deep emotional bond. A deep emotional bond requires chemistry. Chemistry is defined as a natural possession of specific personality traits required by the woman. Those personality traits include:
Dominant, but not domineering or controlling Strong yet sweet Sensitive to her feelings Confident
Take charge and be comfortable with it Respects and admires her independence Respects that you have your own life Revels in her sexiness
Makes her feel like the sexiest woman on the planet Caring and sweet"
I asked her why she believes that she is able to enjoy so many new things in our relationship. She said "It is the man that you are outside of the bedroom that lets me be the woman that I want to be in the bedroom. And, you let me be dirty without feeling dirty. You let me feel that everything is normal and natural. You believe that every part of a woman's body is sensual."
ALWAYS have something planned. A woman wants a man to make plans, and not always have to ask her what she suggests they do. A woman wants the man to be in the driver's seat. A woman has to drive in her life all week. When the weekend comes, she wants to enjoy going along for the ride. (Again, if she suggests other plans, you can go with that.) Remember, there is never any rest. (Well, there ARE those times when she will want to drive, and that's when you let her drive and you rest.)
Deciding who will drive and when is a delicate balance. My girlfriend and I are both first boors, so when we want to drive, we drive! After we butted heads a couple times, I had to sit her down and insist that we decide how we decide who drives. We came to a very workable solution. It was an experience that did draw us closer. Sometimes it goes that far, but it must be agreed upon.
There must be a balance.
You keep separate identities.
You have your own strong identity.
Do not put yourself down. Do not ever let anyone put you down or make fun of you. Either call them on it or ignore it, depending on the situation. This is very different from being able to laugh at yourself. It is very important to be able to laugh at yourself. She will very much appreciate it.
There are those times when a woman gets quiet. It may have been something we said. When she gets quiet, ask her what is on her mind.
Listen carefully. Discuss it fully. Do NOT let her get out of this. Do not move forward until she shares what is bothering her. To do so would be a huge mistake. Don't try to force it; just don't move forward until it is finally discussed. You don't want to continue with the evening's events or go home and have sex, because that grudge she has will get anchored to everything you do together.
One mistake I have seen guys make is when they are out on a date with their woman, they will for no reason at all plant a kiss on her. There are two problems with this: I. She is emotionally needy and needs the attention (which means he selected wrong) or 2. she is an independent woman and will only grow tired of the supplication. Do not smother her in kisses. Instead, BE The Man and let her kiss you. Then reward her good behavior. This is different from being indifferent, which is just as bad.
Get Mark's "Scoring with Married Women" to learn more about how to BE The Man. Mark tells us to learn about the romantic hero in the romance novels, and to read the book "Dangerous Men and Adventurous Women."
DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL Study Mickey Rourke in "9 1/2 Weeks" and especially in "Wild Orchids." Study Seymore Butts in "Squirters 2." He has a very healthy relationship with women. Study Johnny Depp in "Don Juan DeMarco." Learn to talk like him. Learn to think like him. Learn to love women as passionately as he does.
Use self hypnosis to make it your reality that you ARE The Man. Feel all the traits which that causes to become true for you. Incorporate those traits. Each new trait becomes a part of you, permanently. Like Mark says: "There IS NO off switch."
And some of the most important things I have learned from Mark: You rely on you.
You are in control of yourself.
Everything that happens to you is your own doing.
You no longer concern yourself with what other people think of you.
You no longer doubt yourself.
You completely believe in yourself.
Instead of being inappropriately serious, you are playful.
You are done accommodating to the world, the world now accommodates to you.
You are exceptional. From here on out, you are no longer ordinary. You have arrived. There is no more "I will do that, just as soon as I do (fill in the blank.)" From here on out it's "Well, here I am. After all those years I have finally arrived. Now I take responsibility."
And probably the best advice I can give you:
Do not look outside of yourself for a sense of personal power. The anticlimactic realization is that personal power comes from within. However, as Mark says "Our imagination, by definition, is limited by what we already know." Therefore, in order to expand our horizons and learn more about ourselves, we do go to others to learn what has been possible for them.
I first realized my own sense of personal power after attending Mark's "Intro to Stage Hypnosis." I was as much afraid of hypnosis as I was fascinated by it. But I knew that I had to learn it. I knew that I would never be happy with myself until I faced the fear and learned it. Interestingly, I found it to be very easy and lots of fun.
Don't TRY to be personally powerful. Don't ACT personally powerful. BE personally powerful.
You are genuine. You are convincing. You are believable. You command respect.
"Now you're playing for keeps." Mark Cunningham
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