David Shades Manual Anticipation and Vulnerability

I was to leave for a business trip on a Sunday, so on Saturday night, after my girlfriend and I returned to my place after going out for dinner, we decided to make it an evening at home to spend quality time together enjoying loving, tender intimacy, which we both savor. But I had planned to give her something to really think about in my absence...

I asked her to go into the bedroom and change into the sexy black bra, panties, and high heels that I like to see her in. As she did that, I went to my suitcase by the front door and took out two silk ties, and placed a knot in the middle of each. When she returned, I told her how beautiful she looked to me, and I led her to the doorway of my bathroom. She asked me what I was doing, but I did not answer. I tied a silk tie to each of her wrists and then raised her hands far above her head and threw the ties over the top of the bathroom door, and then closed the door behind her, with the knots caught behind the top of the door, thus leaving her restrained in front of the bathroom. I could easily free her by simply opening the door, but there was nothing she could do. I stepped backwards into my living room and admired the view of her. Then I went back to her and bent down and slid her panties down to her ankles, and I then went to my desk and turned on my laptop and began working on some material I had to prepare for my trip.

I worked on a presentation I was going to give on my trip. About 15 minutes into that, my girlfriend said "Did you forget about me?" I continued working on my presentation. I also had some files I wanted to download from my desktop to my laptop. I fiddled with some networking, and then started downloading the files. Then my girlfriend said "I'm getting bored." I went to my suitcase and obtained another silk tie and walked up to her and looked her straight in the eyes and said "I have a lot of work to do. I want you to be quiet" and I placed the tie over her mouth and tied it behind her head. I then returned to my work.

After about a half hour, I finished the presentation, and went to my desktop computer and began reading emails. I did that for another half hour. I then went into the bedroom and brought another suitcase into the living room. I gathered some more things from around my house that I needed for my trip and packed them into the suitcase. When I was done packing, I went to her and put my finger under her chin to raise her head back up, and I said "You do understand that you are my little cum slut. I use you to get off. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to fuck you in the ass or if I'm going to fuck your face." I went into my bedroom and obtained some

Astroglide and a butt plug that I had purchased the day before, unknown to her, and returned. I held her arms and turned her around such that she was facing the door. I said "You are my slutty little bitch" as I lubed up her ass. I leaned against her, pressing her firmly into the door, and said "You're entire purpose is for me to get off as I slowly slid the plug up her ass and she started moaning.

I stood back and removed my belt and said "Just look at you. You get off on

DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL having a plug up your ass. You are such a naughty little bitch." I slapped her with my belt. She moaned more. I continued slapping her, being sure to hit the butt plug. She was going crazy. I said "Don't come! Whatever you do, don't come!" I placed my mouth closely to her ear and softly said "You are very close right now, you are so fucking close. That's how fucking naughty you are. You are nothing but my little slutty bitch. You are so naughty." I stood back and slapped her some more, and she was loosing her mind.

I then untied the tie over her mouth and I held her with one arm as I carefully opened the door with the other. I held her as she slowly went down to her hands and knees. I unzipped my pants and demanded "Suck my cock bitch!" She went at it like an obedient slave, but not with the enthusiasm that I required. I grabbed her hair and slightly forced her motions while saying "Suck my cock right bitch. Suck my cock good!" Just as she was getting very close again, I pulled her head back. I said "Get up, and go get on the bed on your hands and knees." She had to untangle her panties from her shoes, so she just pulled her shoes off to free herself. I helped her up and she walked into the bedroom as I followed. After she assumed the position on the bed, I disrobed and got on the bed behind. I started fucking her pussy while pressing her butt plug in and out and saying "You're my little cum slut fuck bitch, and I use you to get off!" She went ballistic and started screaming when she started coming. (I had already arranged for the movers, so I was no longer concerned about the neighbors complaining.) I forced harder and ordered her to come harder, and she continued coming and screaming for what must have been two minutes. (No doubt that made the neighbors jealous.)

When she was done, I pulled the plug from her ass, and she gasped and shivered. Usually, just after she has come, her ass is much too sensitive for any kind of further stimulation. But this time I was merciless. I said "You are my little cum slut. You are here for my pleasure, and I am going to take it now!" and I did the dirty deed. She was back at it. I said "Now I remember why you're my little fuck bitch, 'cause your butt makes my dick come so fucking good. Yeah, you're gonna make my cock get off hard." It led to another equally enthusiastic orgasm.

By this time, I was pretty much ready for my grand finale. I ordered her onto her back and I sat above her stomach and I began working on producing my sperm sample while saying "You love it when I blow my wad all over your face." She was a very good girl and took it with an open mouth and open eyes. Some if it, however, got up her nose, and she was puffing hard to get it out. When we both realized how funny it was, we started rolling in hysterical laughter.

In the morning she drove me to the airport. We had much to talk about, with the trip, and my moving arrangements, and the like, that the topic of the previous night did not come up. But later, during my trip, when she and I spoke on the phone, she finally said "David, I cannot stop thinking about that night." I said "Good Baby. Why is that?" She said "I have masturbated to that many times. When I think about it I get so unbelievably excited. I get so excited that it's scary. It has affected me so

DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL powerfully." I said "I am happy Baby. That's wonderful. What part did you like the most?" She said "All of it, the naughtiness, the anticipation, the not knowing what you were going to do. I normally wouldn't do that, but because it was you telling me that I HAD to do it, it was ok. And you telling me that I HAD to please you was SO incredibly exciting." I said "Why was it scary?" She said "My whole life I have always been in control of everything. I have always been the leader. It feels like letting go when I am with you in that role. It's scary exciting because I've always been in control, and giving up that control is exciting to me. It makes me more vulnerable to you than I have ever been to anyone. It's a very unique feeling. You know that I had a warm loving positive childhood. I have noting to make up for. It is another healthy way to express my sexuality. I like the attention. I think it's fun. To me, to be sexually submissive is the definition of femininity. I like the contrast between masculine and feminine. I really like a man that's very masculine. I've always been attracted to men that are dominant, but often they are cocky assholes. I've dabbled in power exchange before, but it's never believable. But you are so believable to me. It's hard to find a man who is dominant but not domineering, strong yet sweet. When you play that role, it is so exciting because it magnifies your masculinity to me. You allow me to feel the way I've always wanted to feel. I have always wanted to feel that I wanted to be taken by someone completely. I wanted to feel sexually like I would do anything for this man. I like manly men, and my definition of that is probably different from another woman's. The dichotomy of strong and sweet is very rare. You are my idea of masculine, and it makes me feel extremely feminine. It magnifies it for me when we play the dominant submissive role. You are so confident, so it is so believable. Believing creates those feelings. It is reality for me when we play that. I know that I can just say stop, but that thought is so remote that I don't think about it. I think to myself that I have to do this because

David told me to. It's like a force because I have to please my man, I have to do what he says. You are so reassuring. I admit I get a little shy, and you reassure me and you take me into new things that I had never dreamed I would do. I have become so self confident because you have reassured me. You tell me that my fantasies are exciting to you. When we experience these things, they always turn out so exciting, and I want to open even more and more. It's all about acceptance. That taboo thing. I like to feel that naughty open exposed part of sex. It is so incredibly exciting. I feel so vulnerable, but in trusting loving hands. And that's the greatest feeling, because of that dichotomy. You play to my mental excitement. And I feel completely safe with you, and it's important for me to know that. I like it that you push my limits, but I also like it that you know that it's been pushed enough. That trust and that safety feeling has got to be there. Some men that play dominant go overboard and they get a sadistic charge from having the power over someone else, and that's not what it's about. I know that from the pleasure and excitement that you give me that the power for you is in the way I respond to you and become vulnerable to you. I know that you will not go beyond my limits, because you would no longer be excited by it. I am not into heavy pain, but

DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL I am into light pain. I would not want you to smack me with a horse whip, but a leather belt is fine, and the more excited I get the more pressure I can take. And you know that balance. When you spank me, the actual smack hurts, but two seconds later it tingles and it feels good and it sends tingles to my pussy. It is the after feeling of the smack. That is when pain goes to pleasure. It is that two seconds after when it feels really good. The more erotic you talk to me, the more the pain gets turned to pleasure. What really turns me on is when you make me give you verbal verification, like when you say 'Who owns you?' and I have to say 'You do.' It gets me even more into it, it gets me more into that role. It still goes back to the pleasure is still coming from my head. It floods me with such strong emotions, and my feelings poor out. When you were spanking me I just wanted to scream out 'I love you David! Oh God, I just love you so much!'"

I told her that I had a homework assignment for her that was due in my email inbox by the following night. I told her to write a story about what would happen the next time we were together. She happily complied. The next evening, just as required, I did receive the story. When I read it, it made even me blush. Later we spoke on the phone and she said "I was excited all day at work, thinking about what I would write when I got home." I said "I am so happy Baby. It was a very sexy story." She said "Even now, when I re-read it, if I had a cock I would have a hard on." I said "That's right Baby, and it feels pretty damn good doesn't it? You can feel your hard on!" She giggled, and I knew she could feel it. So I coached her through it as I made her jack off

"To love is to live on the precipice." Dominique Aury, aka Pauline Reage

DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL The Erotic Mind

Sexual fulfillment has to do with so much more than sex. But some people need it to such an extreme to be fulfilled.

The classic reference on the subject is "Story of 0" by Pauline Reage, 1954, ISBN: 0345301110. It is a true story written by a woman under a pseudonym, but who's identity was revealed in 1994 as Dominique Aury. The book from cover to cover is "She was told to put on this. She was whipped. She was prostituted." Etc. etc. over and over. She said "To love is to live on the precipice," which basically means that love has to do with roles, not the other person. When it all came to an end, she preferred death over not having the attention any more. Very needy behavior.

Another classic, which also became a movie, is "9 1/2 Weeks A Memoir of a Love Affair" by Elizabeth McNeill, 1978, ASIN: 0425 1 03 846. It is no longer in print, and used copies in good condition sell for ten times the original price. It is a true story also written by a woman under a pseudonym, but whose identity has never been revealed, for an important reason. The book is nothing like the movie. The man in the book, who was only referred to as "He," had taken complete control of every single detail of Elizabeth's personal life. She said "If control was out of my hands, I, in turn, was allowed to be out of control." It was the role she played that allowed her to feel fulfilled. There are many good lessons in the book about expanding a woman's envelope of sexuality. "He" was a master at it. However, his motivation was all wrong, and her motivation for responding was all wrong. And, he went way too far. He had her doing things that were very dangerous and very illegal. Thus her identity remains a secret. She went along with it, because she was needy. In the end, she had a nervous breakdown and was admitted to a hospital. She never saw him again. So basically, when she was no longer available for him to feel the power, he went elsewhere. He was needy. The relationship had nothing to do with each other, it had all to do with roles.

The book ends with this: "I didn't know what was going on. All I knew was I couldn't stop crying. When I was still crying at six o'clock he took me to a hospital; I was given sedation and after a while the crying stopped. The next day I began a period of treatment that lasted some months. I never saw him again. When my skin had gone back to its even tone I slept with another man and discovered, my hands lying awkwardly on the sheet at either side of me, that I had forgotten what to do with them. I'm responsible and an adult again, full time. What remains is that my sensation thermostat had been thrown out of whack: it's been years and sometimes I wonder whether my body will ever again register above lukewarm."

Now that's fucked up. Sounds like that guy did NOT leave her better than he found her. Sounds like he messed her up big time. He has no idea what it means to help a woman find her own sense of personal power.

On the other hand, I am completely comfortable with the fact that I have helped my girlfriend realize her own sense of personal power. I know that if she and I ever go

DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL separate ways, that she could skillfully and confidently go out and find a good man and be fulfilled. Not because of some 'role' she played, but because of the person she came to BE. Yes, it is also true that she will not find a man that is as highly skilled as me, but I am confident that she can teach a good man to be.

Dominance and submission is an important activity in increasing your woman's responsiveness to you and in expanding her envelop of sexuality. This type of play is referred to as consensual power exchange. It falls under the larger umbrella of BDSM. Here are some quotes from three books on the subject.

"Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission" by Gloria G. Brame, Jon Jacobs, Will Brame, c 1996, ISBN: 0679769560, Publisher: Villard Books.

Victoria: "On our third date we went to a museum, and while we were walking around, he started whispering things in my ear about how he'd like to tie me up and how he'd like to spank me right there in the museum and let everybody see me with my skirt pulled up and how much I'd probably enjoy exposing myself because I was a naughty little slut. I almost ran out of the museum. But I wanted to hear more, even though I was horrified. Now that I look back I realize that I was horrified because he was saying exactly what I wanted to hear. I didn't want to believe that a nice girl -whatever 'nice' means - could want to do things like that. Before I knew it, I kept going out with him, because I really liked him as a person. And he was great in bed. He was teaching me things that I had only fantasized about before. Some of them I hadn't even fantasized about."

Cleo: "As a submissive, what excites me is being given no choice in what's going to happen and having to satisfy my partner in whatever way he wishes."

"Submissive men comprise the single largest component of D&S culture. The predominant truism in D&S culture is that the sexual submissive is usually someone who, in daily life, had weighty responsibilities. The archetypical submissive is said to be a top executive who longs to yield all responsibility to another person during erotic play."

"Bondage is the sensual experience of sage captivity. To be in bondage is to have no options but to accept one's physical helplessness."

Cleo: "When you're effectively bound you can think of escaping, but eventually, if you try to escape and realize that you cannot, then a switch goes off in the mind. You have to accept."

"Erotic bondage induces psychic liberation. Bondage is, in this respect, an antidote to sexual repression: When the physical restraints are in place, the mental restraints are lifted."

"The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Sexual Passion and Fulfillment" by Jack Morin, c 1996, ISBN: 0060984287, Publisher: Perennial.

"This new paradigm acknowledges and embraces the contradictory dual edged nature of erotic life. It recognizes that anything that inhibits arousal - including anxiety or guilt - can, under different circumstances, amplify it. Consequently, we must view with considerable skepticism any absolute statements about what makes sex either exciting or problematic."

C. A. Tripp: "A person's sexual motivation is seldom aroused and is never rewarding unless something in the partner or in the situation itself is viewed as resistant to it. This resistance may be in the form of the partner's hesitance, the disapproval of outsiders, or any other impediment to easy access."

"The erotic equation: Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement"

"The strongest example of the objectifying quality of lust is a fetish, a super focused erotic fascination with an inanimate object - something like underwear or shoes or garter belts."

"The four Cornerstones of Eroticism: Longing and anticipation, violating prohibitions, searching for power, overcoming ambivalence."

"Longing is fantasy. Romance novels use delayed or interrupted fulfillment to heighten titillation."

"The thrill of naughtiness is ageless and timeless."

"Just as surely as anxiety, guilt, or anger can disrupt sexual enjoyment, they can also enhance it. These feelings are the unexpected aphrodisiacs."

"High states of arousal flow from the tension between persistent problems and triumphant solutions."

"The essence of peak eroticism: Sensual and orgasmic intensity, reduced inhibitions, validation given and received, mutuality and resonance, transcendence of personal boundaries."

"The Passion-Fulfillment Paradox: Even though passion and fulfillment have a close, reciprocal relationship, there is an unavoidable tension between them. Passion seeks fulfillment as its greatest reward, yet fulfillment inevitably subdues passion because it quenches need, and thus desire."

"Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies" by Dr. Michael J. Bader, ISBN: 0312269331, c 2002, Publisher: Thomas Dunne Books.

"I do not think sexuality is driven by kinky desires. I think it is driven by straightforward desires for pleasure and safety. Kinkiness is merely the complicated route that some people need to take in order to safely feel pleasure. Further, I hope to show that many of life's difficulties stem from irrational, unconscious beliefs, and their accompanying feelings, that were formed in childhood, beliefs that interfere with normal development aims and satisfactions, including sexual satisfaction. Most of us are held back, both in and out of the bedroom, by these beliefs and continually struggle to overcome and master them. Sexual fantasies and preferences represent a complicated attempt to counteract and master specific irrational beliefs in order to enjoy greater pleasure."

"Sexual preferences are merely sexual fantasies that are enacted in the external world. What we would most like to do, while sometimes secret, is similar to and derives from exactly the same source as what we like to imagine. In the end, sexual excitement feels the same and has the same meaning regardless of the situation that elicits it."

"Safety is the crucial concept needed to decipher the mysteries of sexual passion. Safety is the concept that functions as the key to unlocking the meaning of our fantasies, a kind of Rosetta stone guiding our attempts to translate the language of physical arousal into the language of psychological meanings. The quest for psychological safety is at the center of psychological life."

"Sexual fantasies always find a way of turning the 'no' of guilt into the 'yes' of pleasure, the unconscious intention of fantasy triumphing over guilt. Sexual excitement also requires that we momentarily become selfish. We need to have the capacity to 'use' another person without concerns that the other will feel used. This aspect of sexuality can be aptly described as ruthless. There needs to be tension between selfishness and caring, between using and pleasing the other."

"When we reduce something human to the status of a thing, or imbue things with human qualities, we are said to be fetishing them. The function of fetishes is to eliminate any guilt and worry that might interfere with sexual excitement by eliminating the human dimension of the other person."

"Since guilt inhibits sexual arousal, its diminution produces excitement. The unconscious logic is a kind of perversion of the Golden Rule: Have others do unto you what you feel guilty about doing unto others."

"The master and slave provide each other with a special kind of attention and recognition that counteracts an internal sense of being unimportant, invisible, and without value"

My comments:

The first book, "Different Loving," is an excellent text book on the subject of dominance and submissiveness.

The second and third books were a result of sex therapy, and thus, covered people with emotional problems. They shed important light on the subject, but missed the big component of healthy individuals expressing their sexuality. Neither book offered to explain the occasional ruthless sexual expression by healthy individuals.

Throughout both books were instances of women with relationship or sexual problems, and all of which had absent, or controlling, or condescending fathers. The author explained how the women were trying to compensate for something that was a result of irrational beliefs rooted in childhood. Not so much as one of the women had a close relationship with her father when she was a little girl. Interestingly, the men with sexual problems also had problematic relationships with their father.

It should be noted that the author of the second book, Dr. Morin, had his own troubled relationship past. He said, "I had just extricated myself from the most painful

DAVID SHADE'S MANUAL yet sexually exhilarating relationship of my life. At one moment we would be lost in passion. Then, without warning, my lover would vanish, apparently overwhelmed by our closeness. For years I had come back for more until, devastated and humiliated, I eventually broke it off for good."

The first book, "Different Loving," was brought to my attention by my girlfriend One day she and I were browsing in the bookstore, when she took a book off the shelf and sat down and read it for an hour. She then excitedly showed the book to me, and I suggested we purchase it. After she read it, I asked her to tell me the parts that affected her most, and why. She described them to me, I affirmed her feelings, 1 made mental note of them, and then at later dates, I made each one of them her reality, thus expanding her envelop of sexuality even further.

"Sex is hardly ever about sex." Shirley MacLaine

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