A strange approach to solving the problems of achieving a perfect random shuffle.

E-FFE-CT - The Close-Up Kinda Guy stops in the middle of his performance, stares at the deck in disgust, and announces to his concerned audience that he can't go on until the reds and blacks are more evenly distributed throughout the deck. He separates the unsightly non-random clumps of reds and blacks from each other into four neat face-up packets of segregated colors consisting of two red packets and two black packets. The perfectionist carefully shuffles one black packet into one red packet, and the other red packet into the other black packet. The two halves are then spread to reveal that the perfect shuffles "just missed". All of the reds are back in one half while all of the blacks have unshuffled themselves into the other half. The perfectionist looks up at his audience and says, "Wow, what a bummer!"

TI2AM5P06LP PLR.F^CTIONl5T The Close-Up Kinda Guy and part-time bummed-out perfectionist can't believe that his perfect shuffle was so imperfect and spreads through his red cards in the hopes of finding a few stray blacks cards. Boy oh boy is that guy mad now, because all twenty-six red cards have suddenly turned black—while the spectator who was going to help by searching through the original black half for stray red cards finds nothing but red cards. (Yipes!) The perfectionist looks up at his audience and says, "Wow, jumbo-bummer."

MIXLD-UP PEJZf ErTk?NLi>T The Close-Up Kinda Guy, having recently experienced an emotionally taxing jumbo-bum-mer is about to end it all by shuffling the cards with his face, when he has one last so-so inspiration that might possibly help him achieve his quasi-reasonable goal of obtaining a perfect random shuffle of reds and blacks. How? (I'm glad you asked.) By using "Reverse Ygolohcysp" That's psychology spelled backwards. (I just re-read this last thought and wanted to let you know that I know that there really is no excuse for this sort of childish indulgence in a serious work of card tricks. And yes! The exclamation point is unforgivable).

True to his word Mr. Close-up Kinda Guy divides the two spreads into four packets of cards. Two reds and two blacks. Using reverse psychology he shuffles the two red packets then shuffles the two black packets. He crosses his finger, dots his eyes, then spreads the two halves face up. "Double Jumbo-Bummer and then some. Nothing's happened! The reds are still with the reds and the blacks are still with the blacks." But the Close-Up Kinda Guy's groans of despair quickly turn into chortles of delight when, in a blinding flash of Hearts, Clubs, Spades and Diamonds the 52 cards instantly interchange, creating a perfect random shuffle of reds alternating with blacks! The Close-Up Kinda Guy stares at the mix and announces that the randomness of the reds and blacks is too random to be considered perfectly random.

The no-longer concerned audience looks down at the perfectionist, says "Super Double Jumbo-bummer," then wanders over to watch the nice man making those cute little balloon doggies. The balloon-doggie kinda guy stops in the middle of his performance, stares at his balloon doggie in disgust, and announces that he can't go on until the air is more evenly distributed between the tail and the nose. The audience tries to pop the balloon-doggie kinda guy.

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