Phase One Eliciting Her Relationship Values

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You: What's important to you in a relationship?

Her: Oh, I don't know ... I guess mutual admiration.

You: Gee ... that is an important one. How do you know when you have mutual admiration.

Her: Well ... I guess when I see things in him I really admire, that make me look up to him. And he expresses to me that there are things about me he really admires.

You: I agree ... that's a powerful one. Well, what else important to you in a relationship?

Her: Oh ... a sense of humor. (Note here she's gone off track by naming a quality she wants in the man. Here's how you steer her back to values in the relationship when this occurs:)

You: Well, I know that's an important quality for a person to have, but what does a person's having a sense of humor allow you to experience that you wouldn't other wise experience.

Her: Oh, that's easy, fun and enjoyment ... really enjoying each other's company.

You: Of course ... why be involved with someone if they aren't fun to be

Her: Right.

You: And what has to happen for you to know you've got mutual enjoyment with someone?

Her: Well, it's just of all the people you could choose to be with, you choose to be with them, and no matter what it is you do, even if that particular thing doesn't turn out as planned, like you go to a crummy play, or the weather's lousy or whatever, you still wind up having a really great time.

You: Wow ... that would be great to be with someone like that. Well, what else is important to you in a relationship?

Her: Trust.

You: Wow ... now that is an important one. How do you know when you have trust with someone?

Her: Well ... they tell me the good stuff as well as the bad stuff ... they'll let me know when they aren't happy with something I've said or done ... and also they do what they say they're going to do when they say they are going to do it.

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The Power Of Charisma

The Power Of Charisma

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