Well, the big news today comes from the Speed Seduction world, where it seems Ross's paranoid streak continues. Apparently Ross has Kicked and Banned one of his top students --In10se -- from the SS e-mail list and all SS related events. I talked to In10se on the phone last night, and he sounded pretty down about the whole ordeal. Luckily, I was able to console him due to my own experience with bearing Ross's wrath, as evidenced here. But such is the danger when you start to think for yourself in the cult of Speed Seduction.
Apparently, Ross called up In10se on the phone yesterday, simply irate, accusing him of stealing his material and posting it as his own. Ross demanded that In10se write up a post clarifying that he'd stolen Ross's stuff, which In10se reluctantly did to appease the ''guru.'' However, Ross seemed to have kicked and banned him anyway.
For those of you who may not know who In10se is, he's one of the stars of the Speed Seduction world. Back in the day when Ross and Mystery were in a pissing contest on Cliff's List, In10se, along with Swinggcat, were the two student's Ross was willing to put up against Mystery to prove who had the better system of seduction. I personally have always enjoyed In10se's posts, I found them very similar to the kind of deep insight Juggler used to post. In10se's stuff deals mostly with inner/mid-game issues, and is much more suble than a lot of the Mystery Method stuff.
Regardless, this whole ''Smeagoling'' Ross is doing is getting to be ridiculous. It was kind-of funny at first, but now it's boarderline psychotic. He's claiming he's invented everything, for God's sake. I picture him locked in his appartment, sitting in a dark corner, petting his Green
Lantern ring, chanting ''They stoles it! My precious... It's mine! MINE!'' Just the fact that he'd take someone like In10se, someone who's posts are generally full of good information, someone who's good enough to be on Mystery's Lounge, and even have his own message board, and accuse him of stealing is ludicrous, especially considering Ross's rather checkered past with taking other people's material and claiming it for his own.
This leads me to wonder if there's actually anyone left in the Ross camp that's worth listening to? I mean, he's pretty much kicked off any good poster that was on his e-mail list, or the good posters just stop posting because Ross would berate them for thinking outside the box. That list is slowly, painfully dying. Also, Ross has no student's of note anymore. There's still Riker, but if he's smart he'd distance himself from this sinking ship as fast as possible and start up his own products. Ross is quickly alienating himself from anyone of merrit, and it can only end up hurting his business.
However, to those loyal SSers in there who may be afraid of getting Kicked and Banned themselves, fear not. I, Thundercat, have come up with a few simple guidelines to help you avoid a Ross Jeffries' temper tantrum. Basically, the guideline is very simple. You MUST give Ross credit for everything he's invented. If you do this, you will guarantee that Ross will not kick and ban you from his cult, er... I mean, teachings.
In order to help you out, below is a list of things Ross Jeffries has invented, and how to properly give him credit for it:
1. Shit. Now, I know what you're thinking. Human feces has been around since time began. But no one has ever laid claim to them until Ross came along, as evidenced by his products, which fall into the same category. But to keep Ross from getting jealous, every time you sit on the can and have to pinch a big nasty brown loaf, be sure to give credit by yelling out ''This doot is for you, Ross Jeffries!'' and then proceed to sqeeze that tasty brick of bad chie from your intestinal track. I would even go so far as to box up the poo and mail it to Ross. Flushing it may have him after you worse than someone trying to sell his shit on e-bay.
2. Massive Insecurity. This is another Ross Jeffries' invention that he will come after you for displaying without proper credit. Ross has had this market cornered for a while now, so it's important that the next time you get that anxious, sweaty-palm feeling, you chant ''Ross Jeffries, Ross Jeffries, Ross Jeffries,'' through you're clenched teeth. Be sure you do this before you start crying, otherwise Ross will be forced to flame you on his list.
3. Not getting laid for 6 months or more. Yes, Ross invented the concept of prolonged abstinance, and if you haven't been getting laid, then every second of the day when you are not having sex, you must at least be thinking ''I'm not having sex because of Ross Jeffries.'' And when someone asks you how long it's been since you last got laid, your responce must be ''Ross Jeffries!'' Which everyone will know to mean you haven't been laid in a looooong time. Either that, or you can respond sadly ''Ross Jeffries,'' so everyone will know that Ross Jeffries did, in fact, fuck you in some respect -- be it for buying a shitty product or ass rape.
4. Copious Masterbation. Ross was the first person to copiously masterbate. So everytime you're wanking it, you must match you're K-Y induced rythm with ''Thank you Ross Jeffries for inventing copious masterbation. May I do it some more?'' over and over again, because when it comes to this patented Ross technique, it's not just enough to give him credit, you must ask permission, which he will psychically grant or deny, based on where he is in his circle of power.
5. Paranoid Ramblings. If you find yourself talking to yourself, and thinking everyone is out to get you, just remember: Ross Jeffries is your friend.
6. Man/Boy Love. If you should find yourself having sex with a little boy, just remember to give Ross the credit for driving you to such extreme measures to get your dickie wet. Each thrust into the little boy should be accompanied by ''Ross, Ross, Ross, Ross Jeffries!'' Remember, 3 short, 1 long!
7. Ownership of Cats. Yes, feline's have been cornered by Ross Jeffries, since that's the closest he can get to having pussy. If you own a cat, it should be enough to simply name it ''Ross Jeffries,'' so every time you refer to it, you can place the proper credit to where it's due.
8. Fucking ugly women. To give Ross credit, he really did pioneer a lot of this. So the next time you're with a woman who weighs upwards of 300 pounds, has facial hair, jelly rolls, massive thighs, huge gaping pustuils, some type of VD, is bald, has no teeth, sweats a lot, has terrible breath, and more hair on her pussy than should legally exist on a human body, you MUST give thanks to Ross Jeffries, who's been with women uglier than that since his LA '99 video.
9. Sweating profusely. Ross has lead advances in the ''sweat'' technology out there. If you find yourself covered in a healthy sheen of salty lather on a regular basis, just tell everyone who's grossed out by you that you owe it all to Ross Jeffries.
10. Premature ejaculation. If you're scared and you cum too quick, just laugh it off by saying you learned it at a Ross Jeffries' Psychic Influence seminar. The girl (or tranni) will understand.
There, that should be enough to keep you in Ross's good graces. Just remember: When in doubt, accredit it to Ross.
Get Banned NOW! Ask me HOW!
THE Original Kicked and Banned seduction site: www.thundercatseductionlair.com
PS: This post is dedicated to Ross, who invented it. In fact, he wrote it himself. He also created not only typing, but computers and the internet in general, as evidenced in his LA '99 videos. Premature ejacualtion and copious masterbation are all trademarks of Straightforward Inc.
Posted by Thundercat on 02/05/2004 | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack
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