So I was checking out the Dating & Romance section of Askmen.com today and read the latest Doc Love article. Now, I don't know much about the good Doctor... in fact, this is the first article I've read of his. He has a bit of good advice to share, but overall, I think he's a little off with his mindset. For example, in the latest article, a guy named Kieth chimes in:
My problem is a little unusual. I'm looking to you for some good advice.
I was dating Samantha for about seven months before she had to go out of state to attend the best university business program in the country. (She was accepted before she even met me.) She said that if she'd met me beforehand, she would have accepted another offer she got that was closer to home, but as it is, she's going to be gone for a little over a year.
We've been doing the long-distance dating thing for about four months now and she's always talking about how she wants to marry me. As far as calling and emailing me, she is completely consistent. I fly to see her and she flies to see me once a month. Once she finishes the program, our goal is to go to graduate school in the same city. In other words, things are going fine between us, but I have two concerns about our relationship.
So what we have here is your typical long distance relationship, or LDR for you acronym junkies out there (you know who you are). But looking at this from a Seducer standpoint, I'm already thinking this guy should have 1 or 2 other chicks on call while his main is off doing her "business program" thing. Reading this little bit, I'm wondering if this girl would be pushing the marriage thing so heavily if they WEREN'T doing the LDR thing. My thinking is that she's insecure about the distance between them and wants to find a way to lock him into the relationship just for her own mental well being. But I digress...
Anyway, he goes on to describe the first concern he has.
1- Samantha constantly asks me when we are going to get engaged. She says it in a joking way, but I know that she's serious. My question is, how should I respond? I'm completely in love with this girl and want to marry her, but what is the correct response to keep her Interest Level up? (Sometimes I joke that we should go to Las Vegas tomorrow. Other times I'll give her a more serious answer and say that we're headed in that direction. But I'm not sure that it would be the best idea to tie the knot so soon.)
Doc Love chimes in with the following advice:
Doc Love writes:
Tell her you'll marry her.
The right thing to do is let Samantha know that the two of you will get engaged after she comes back from school. This girl is straining at the leash like a hungry Doberman -- she's completely gone over you and can't wait to get back to you. And since you're deeply in love with her, it makes sense to take that step.
It's okay to give in to your girl here, buddy. (But make sure that she understands that she still has to be a nice girl when she's away at school, otherwise there will be no engagement. Remember old Pavlov's dog?)
Don't worry about keeping her Interest Level up, pal. You've already pumped it into the stratosphere like a helium balloon -- she's going crazy for you right now! You're actually underrating her Interest Level, Keith.
If this girl were any more nuts over you, she'd have to be committed. But don't you go getting bent out of shape or going gaga over the situation. Hey, you're not tying the knot just yet -- you're only buying time by telling your babe you'll get engaged when she gets back.
First off, bad advice. BAAAAAAAAADDDDDDD advice! I'm a rank-and-file amateur seducer, and even I can see the vomitous proportions of shite the good doctor is spewing here.
Tell here you'll marry her? Good God, man, why!?! The guy may WANT to marry her, sure, but don't TELL her that! Part of the reason she's so into him is because he's doing the right thing right now, which is joking about it, sometimes dropping serious hints at the possibility, but never committing. THAT'S the thing that's got her on the hook. If he comes out and tells her they're going to get married, or should he propose (especially if she's still LDR), he's giving up his power in the relationship right there, and her interest level is gonna drop like a stone.
If it were me in Keith's situation, I might drop hints like "Oh, if only you were here with me... I might have proposed to you already. But you're not, so I guess it doesn't matter." Doing shit like that would get her visiting him EVERY WEEKEND, as opposed to him exherting himself and flying out to see her. He's got some great tension going right now, and Doc wants him to destroy that! Oy. So much for Dating "Advice."
Anyway, the second issue Keith is worried about:
2- Samantha cries at least twice a week when we're on the phone about how she wants me to pretty much drop everything right now and come and live with her. She tells me that I won't have to pay for anything, and that I can just live in her apartment. This week she took it a step further and gave me a sort of indirect ultimatum by telling me that she didn't know how she was going to deal with living apart from me for a whole year. "You need to move down here right now," she said. I found myself a little panic-stricken at the idea.
The Doc responds:
Doc Love writes:
The reason Samantha's begging you to move in with her right now is not because she's a rigid or structured or hardheaded female, which is where most ugly ultimatums usually come from.
She's doing this because her Interest Level is hitting the high 90s. Let's face it, man; she's ready to pay for everything. (Gee, I'm impressed, Keith. She's gotta be the first woman in the history of mankind to make that statement!) And so you reacted, at least on the inside -- you didn't practice Self-Control.
Hopefully, you didn't say anything to her at that moment. It's okay to feel panic-stricken, but it's not good to express it verbally to the one you love. As General Love puts it, "Never show weakness at the critical moment!"
But don't lose any sleep over all this "pressure." Samantha's bluffing. She's not going anywhere without you, Keith, as long as you keep playing your cards right.
I'd say the reason she's begging is because Kieth has done an excellent job of getting Samantha to chase him! Whatever he's doing is working, because the girl WANTS him, and that puts him in the power position. He's gotta keep her on the string, so to speak, if he wants her to stay interested. If he gives in, I think any PUA worth his salt is gonna know this will open her up to getting Pick-Upped on by some halfway decent player at whatever school she's attending. If he keeps her on the hook, he'll bypass this because she'll be too wrapped up in him to think about other guys (who you KNOW are probably already knocking on the door if she's half-way decent looking).
So Doc redeems himself here with a bit of good advice to offset the bad. So far, I'm not too impressed with Doc Love's insight, but I think he might have some interesting stuff to offer. If you want to check out the article, you can read it here.
Posted by Thundercat on 02/17/2004 | | |
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