So one of my semi-regular reading grounds is Women.com, a site that's pretty much geared towards teenage girls who think people like Ashton Kuchar are dreamy. Anyway, they got some message boards on there where girls post their problems and other girls answer. Sometimes the advice is good, sometimes not, but regardless it's there. In fact, I'd say it's *close* to how us guys use mASF.
Anyway, I was browsing through the forum recently and came across a post entitled "We had a huge fight." So I checked it out, and was actually kind-of amused at what was going on there. Momma Shan writes:
Ok so here is the deal My guy and I have been seeing each other for about a year now. He is the classic I want you but I dont want you that close type of guy.
Translation: He's a player.
Everyone knows that Valentines is approaching and his birthday is the week after. I have really been working very hard towards making his birthday very special for him.
Translation: This guy is the prize in her world. She's dead set on pleasing him because she's not getting the kind of "closeness" she so desperately wants from him. He's got her on "the string."
I first have to mention that I am a very insecure young lady. A past surgery of this year has left my body scarred and what I think is not very attractive. The littlest thing makes me think that he is pulling away from me or doesnt find me attractive anymore.
This was pretty obvious to me. Most girls ARE insecure, especially about their looks because that's how guys determine the girl's worth most of the time. We all have things about our looks we don't like, and I can understand how this surgery may make poor Momma Shan a little self-conscious. Though I'm sure she was acting this way BEFORE the surgery, because it sounds like she very much gets her self-worth from how this guy treats her.
So with this in mind let me continue...Yesterday was a horrible day for me. I hit a childs pet on the way to work. I stopped and told the family, the child was devastated and so was I. Needing a little comfort I called my B-Friend left him a message. He never called me back.
Typical prizing tactic. She needs him, and he's letting her know he doesn't need her. This upps her insecurity and increases his value in her eyes. It may upset her, sure, but it only makes that need for him greater.
Later in the day he text messaged me, something very trival! Without even realizing it we got into a agruement.
The guy probably didn't even get the message, lol. Regardless, this is a typical example of Harshness and Kindness (something you can find in Robert Greene's excellent book The Art of Seduction). He shows her a little attention, she lays a guilt trip on him because she's upset, and he makes her feel guilty for laying that guilt on him by acting angry. Eventually, this will make her qualify herself again to get his approval.
I threw the fact that I was running around trying to kill myself making sure he got everything he wanted for his birthday and all he could do was be rude and hateful to me. So he in turn told me to " TAKE IT ALL BACK " this was something that he stayed very adamant about.
Of course by now I am upset and crying again. Then he just stops talking, texting, or anything to me. I Panic of course !! I always think that I have done something terribly wrong and he is going to never speak to me again.
Of course. This guy definitely knows what he's doing. Poor Momma here is so wound up in her boyfriend's reality, that she depends on it for her primary source of validation. So when he pulls back, when he takes it away -- BOOM! She's back on the string.
After work I went to his place I needed to get some business info I had left there over the weekend. He was at home so I tried to talk to him, he was very distant to me. I apologized to him, explained my day and actions, I guess you could say I pleaded my case. I felt better when I went to leave until I asked him for a kiss good-bye and he told me NO ! This just crushed me We have been going through this sexual experimental phase. Trying new things and stuff. With my insecruities this isnt easy for me.
Wow, do you see how he got her to qualify herself here? And the not kissing thing -- brilliant. He basically did Swinggcat Push/Pull here. He revalidated her insecurities about the fight earlier, and if he let it be at that, Momma would have walked out of there feeling good about herself and her mind would have been anywhere but on her BF. But by NOT kissing her, he created a new insecurity that needed validation, so instead she leaves obsessing over him yet again. And these insecurities are forcing her to do the "sexual experimentation" stuff because she thinks that's the only way she'll be able to keep him around.
I went home and did some thinking and realized my wrong doings in everything. I am able to spend more money and love to buy gifts for people I care about, and should not have thrown it in his face. I called and left him a message apologizing again. It is now Noon the next day and I still have not heard from him. I tried to contact hm about maybe going to lunch together. I know that telling me to take it all back was a natural response, and he doesnt want me to. And I never would !! I am very excited about the gifts that I have gotten him, because I knew he will love them !
Talk about "Prizing." This is how you do it boys and girls. Make yourself unavailable. Give the girl the "gift of missing you," as my buddy MasterClass would say. This will get her to obssess over you even more. Look at how she's trying to please this guy! It's amazing.
I guess my questions is what do I do now ?? Should I just not talk to him for awhile, not even try to contact him ?? And is this normal men reactions to fighting ?? Any advice that you guys could give me would be greatly appreciated.
I am very impressed with Momma's boyfriend and how he's gotten her hooked on him. I wonder if he's in the community? More likely he's just a natural with a low tolerance for female bullshit. Regardless, I found this post to be a great example of how some of our tricks work on women, but from their point of view. This poor girl just seems clueless to all this guy is doing to her, and you HAVE to respect that.
You can read the whole thread here.
Posted by Thundercat on 02/19/2004 | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack
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