A big part of Pushing & Pulling, Qualifying & Challenging, and setting frames is not just what you communicate with your words, but what you communicate with your body.
In fact, I think the unconscious mind often times responds better to nonverbal communication than verbal communication.
So, in this chapter l am going to teach you guys how to use Pushing & Pulling, Qualifying & Challenging, and setting frames through body language.
Before getting into the advanced stuff, it is best to start by reviewing some basics, which l sure many of you know but could use some brushing up on.
Some basic stuff on nonverbal frame setting:
So, the first thing is to observe how you carry yourself. Even if you feel confident inside, if you slouch your shoulders, come across to other people as stiff, or have trouble holding eye contact with people when talking to them, you are probably not conveying the nonverbal message to women that you are the PRIZE.
Remember to always stand tall, stick your chest out, in a relaxed way (the key is in a relaxed way. If you do this in a tense way, people will think you are a Neanderthal man). Learn to hold eye contact a little longer than other people. All of these things convey to women that you are the PRIZE.
Okay gentlemen, let's move on to some more advanced stuff:
Nonverbal qualifying (a form of nonverbal pushing):
Let me start by giving you a couple of questions to think about. When you think of a judge's body language, what comes to mind? When you think of a girl who is judging, screening, or qualifying a guy, what comes to mind?
Do they have open approval seeking posture?
No. They usually have a more closed, yet confident posture.
1. They usually are doing one or more of the following: they have their arms folded, and either their back or their head is turned away from the person they are talking to.
2. They also are displaying at least one thing that conveys that they are the PRIZE: standing tall, chest out, relaxed, and powerful eye contact.
So, for example, you could convey to a girl that she is being qualified by folding your arms, yet maintaining powerful eye contact.
Nonverbally accepting them (a form of nonverbal pulling):
Do you guys remember when l said in the last chapter that you never want to slam the door in her face, yet you never want to fully accept her? Well this applies to body language too. If throughout the whole interaction with her, you only nonverbally qualify her, you are slamming the door in her face. Put in other words, this is all Pushing, without any Pulling. So if all you do is nonverbally qualify and push girls away from you, you will just come across as closed, weird, and creepy.
The key is to mix some nonverbal Pulling and accepting in with nonverbal qualifying and Pushing. This makes for a powerful combination.
However, nonverbal Pulling is not about doing things such as, leaning into a girl when she is leaning back. Things, such as leaning into her when she is leaning back, nonverbally communicating that you are trying to get her acceptance. This is definitely NOT the right idea.
Nonverbal Pulling and accepting is about opening up your body language: things such as, uncrossing your arms, and standing with your chest towards them.
Standing at an angle:
When first talking to a woman, I think it is best to stand at an angle.
This means that when you are nonverbally qualifying and pushing them you are turned more away from them, but not completely.
And when you are nonverbally pulling or accepting them, at least at first, you want to be turned more towards them, but completely.
This is the physical analogue to not ever accepting them completely, yet never slamming the door in their face.
However, once you begin to get physical with her, you can face her completely, because you will have other tools for nonverbally Pushing & Pulling her at your disposal.
Nonverbally sending mixed signals:
In the Chapter on Pushing & Pulling l said, "All pulls should have a bit of push in them, and all pushes should have a bit of pull in them".
One reason that this is important is that it is sending mixed signals, which keeps women in suspense--which women love.
The cool thing is, we can send mixed signals non-verbally.
Let's look at an example.
One of favourite ways to display this is to be non verbally Pushing by having my shoulders and head slightly turned away from her, having a suspicious look in my eyes suggesting that l am not so sure about her; all the while Pulling her into me by having a big friendly smile on my face. With a bit of practice, you should be able to come up with your own ways of nonverbally sending mixed signals.
Physically Pushing & Pulling:
I think it can be quite powerful to touch women when first meeting them. However, most men go about it in the WRONG way. They do it in such a way that it COMMUNICATES to the woman that they are needy and are either trying to get her ACCEPTANCE or trying desperately to get into her pants.
You might be asking yourself: how does one go about touching a woman in a way that is not desperate or needy?
In my opinion, one of the best ways to start physically touching a woman is to incorporate Pushing & Pulling.
I start by using two forms of physical touching: handholding and hugging. Let's look at an example of this.
I might challenge a woman by saying: are you adventurous? (All the while slightly turning my head away from her--communicating that l am a little bit weary of her).
If she says "yes" then l might give her a double high five, hold onto her hands, and then pull her in close to me and say, "well that's good, because l am only friends with adventurous people, so, we can be friends."
Then l might start slightly pushing her hands away from me (implying that l might reject her completely), turn my head slightly away from her, and say, "You aren't one of those creepy chicks, are you? I wouldn't want you to embarrass me in front of my friends". Then let out a small smile communicating that l might be kidding. If she says, "no" then l might pull her in really close to me.
Then l might say—especially if I know this to be true about her--"you are mischievous, aren't you?" When she says "yes" I will start slightly pushing her hands away from me. But then l will say to her, "good, because l am mischievous too". Then l will pull her really really close to me, so our stomachs are almost touching, and my hands are rapped around her sacrum. Next l might look her in the eyes like l am about to kiss her (I might even lean in a little) and then say, "and because we are both mischievous is exactly why the two of us could never be friends...because you and l would be dangerous put together...we would get into too much trouble."
Then l will push her away from me. But then l will tell her, "When it comes to being mischievous her and l are the same...and that we are like brother and sister".
Then l might open up my arms to give her a big sisterly hug (If done right, women will almost always hug you at this point). Then l might pull her in really close to me, look her in the eyes like l am going to kiss her, and stop. At this point l will get really silent. Then l will lean in just a little bit. Women—if they are into at this point--will usually reciprocate by leaning in too, thinking that you are going to kiss them.
But then l will push her away, and say, " ew...gross, you and l are like brother and sister and you tried to kiss me, that's incest.
Then l might say, "But you still are my sister" and then pull her into me and kiss her.
I keep going with this--sometimes for hours, and sometimes right up until l am having sex with them. It is very powerfuI.
A big part of Pushing & Pulling, Qualifying & Challenging, and setting frames is not just what you communicate with your words, but what you communicate with your body. Some experts estimate that most of our effective communication is non-verbal. So, for example, slouching your shoulders conveys that you have low confidence to people, and thus, can lead to you establishing weak frames when interacting with others. Oscillate between pushing her away or qualifying her by having the body language of a judge, and pulling her in by opening up your body language. When first talking to a woman it is always best to stand at angle. This conveys that you are friendly and not completely closed off to her, yet you are not completely open to her either. Using physicaI Pushing & Pulling is one of the most effective methods for getting a woman to physically chase you.
Guys, I am going to give you a lot of homework (or shall l say fieldwork) in this chapter. Reason being, mastering body language is really important to getting good at this stuff, because it makes up the majority of our communication with others.
The first exercise is to go rent the movie "Swingers". Even if you have seen the movie before, rent it. Pay attention to the body language of the two main characters: Mike and Trent. Notice how Trent's body language projects confidence, which leads to him establishing strong frames. Next, notice how Mike's body language conveys the message that he is insecure and needy which establishes weak frames.
Next, go to a place where there are lots of male/female interactions taking place--such as a beach, bar, or event--and spend a few hours analyzing peoples body language. Notice how you can stand at a distance-far enough, so you cannot hear what people are saying--and still understand a large part of their conversation. When being at a bar or a restaurant observe the social dynamics between couples: Guess how and where they met, how long they have been dating, who has the upper hand in the relationship, and if they are actually have sex (By the way, this is a fantastic game to play with women you have just met—women love this kind of stuff).
Next, when interacting with women, practice closing and opening your body language. Notice how changing your body language affects their body language. For example, does their body language become more needy for validation and acceptance when you close off your body language? Do they open up or close off when you open your body language? Does it make women try to get rapport with you when you close or open your body language? Go out and experiment and then write down your results. You will also notice that the amount of PRIZABILITY you have with a woman will effect how she reacts to subtle shifts in your body language.
If you are really zealous about mastering this stuff, have a friend video tape you interacting with a woman. After words, you can objectively review how women react to your body language. Then you can modify the aspects of your body language that were getting less than favorable results.
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