About a year ago, I worked for a guy selling private placements. What was interesting about this guy was that his selling strategy was different from anything l had ever seen.
In the past l had worked several sales jobs and my bosses had always told me that the key to getting someone to buy was getting the customer excited about the product, and then once the customer was excited about the product you would ask them a few qualifying questions and then try to seal the deal.
But this guy was different. He told me not to sell these people at all. Instead, he told me "You should brutally qualify them". I thought this was strange considering that l already knew that the people l was calling were qualified to buy.
But there was yet another facet to what he was doing. After they were qualified, he would set up even higher qualifications for them. Then he would test or challenge them to follow through on the things they had committed to. Strangely, this would often times lead to him sealing the deal.
But what l didn't know at the time was that asking someone qualifying questions does so much more than just finding out if they are qualified. It has some powerful psychological affect on people. So, I asked my boss at the time why this was so powerful. He told me, "it really is quite simple: Instead of trying to sell them, you are making them sell you". So, I thought long and hard about what he had told me, and started wondering: if this sort of psychological technique could work so well at getting rich business men to shell out tons of money, then maybe it could be used to PRIZE women?
Well, my intuition served me well. I was right.
Using Qualifying & Challenging with women is excellent for both establishing yourself as the PRIZE and getting women so emotionally charged that they are compelled to chase you.
So what exactly is Qualifying & Challenging women about?
Qualifying & Challenging is about challenging a woman to prove to you that she is qualified to meet all of your standards, expectations, and rules. I don't know why, but women respond quite well to this.
However, there is some preliminary stuff you have to do to make this work. So, before getting into the specifics of Qualifying & Challenging, we are going to go over some preliminary stuff.
Some preliminary stuff:
Step 1: Believing that you are the PRIZE
The next thing you must have is (and we have already mentioned this, but there is no harm in a little review) the belief that you are the PRIZE: that not only do you deserve to be with beautiful women but that if they want to have a chance with you they are going to have to prove themselves to you.
Step 2: Having enough PRIZABILITY
A girl does not have to think you are the greatest thing since sliced bread for you to qualify her. But, until you become skilled at Qualifying & Challenging, it is probably best to have at least some PRIZABILITY with her.
So, how do you know that you have enough PRIZABILITY to Qualify & Challenge her?
As long as you have the woman laughing, or asking you questions, or flirting with you, you are safe to move onto Qualifying & Challenging her. If she is not doing any of these things, you probably need to do a little bit more work.
Step 3: Having standards, expectations, and rules
One thing you must know before Qualifying & Challenging a woman is what you want, what you expect, and what you will not tolerate. Knowing these things in and of themselves, will help you cultivate some of the attributes of a man who is the PRIZE: such as, bringing them into your world, making them accommodate you, and taking a strong lead.
Here are some of the Standards & Expectations l have of women:
They must be:
ADVENTUROUS SPONTANEOUS STRONG
UP FOR A CHALLENGE GOOD WIT (SARCASM) SOPHISTICATION OPTIMIST
These are my standards and expectations. You are free to use mine, but l suggest that you get a piece of paper and a pencil and come up with a list of your own standards and expectations.
It is also important to have rules or know what sorts of bad behaviours you refuse to tolerate. Here are some of my rules or things l refuse to tolerate.
So, write down a list of things you will not tolerate from women. Okay, you with me so far? Good.
Having standards, rules, and expectations makes you look vulnerable in a positive way:
Not only does having standards, rules, and expectations work, it dispels any player vibe a woman might have about me because l am making myself vulnerable. In other words, I am telling a woman that l am a sucker for adventurous, spontaneous girls-- I am telling her how to seduce me. But here's the catch: as soon as she does not play by my rules, I close up. So, I am a vulnerable guy as long as she is playing by my rules. As soon as she isn't, I become cold and aloof. Or even worse, I nix her completely.
It distinguishes you from other guys:
If you have nothing going for you except for having standards, you will still be distinguishing yourself from most other guys. The reason is that most guys will sleep with whatever woman chooses or accepts them. By having standards you are implying that for you to be with a woman she has to do more than just choose or accept you. Put in other words, you are conveying the belief that you are the PrIzE. This can massively increase your PRIZABILITY with women.
Now we are ready to move onto the good stuff. Qualifying & Challenging them:
What l am going to suggest is going to sound a bit odd to you but it absolutely works. And what l am going to suggest has worked wonders with girls ranging from hot club girls to conservative professionals. This is probably one of the most powerful techniques l have ever discovered.
Almost, as soon as l start getting any sign of PRIZABILITY from a woman, I begin qualifying her. Many times this is only minutes after meeting her.
For example, I might start by saying to them:
"You seem like you might be adventurous, are you?"
If they say "yes" (which they often times do, and if they don't, then l am not interested in them anyways), then l say:
"good because if you weren't l was going to walk away because l am only friends with adventurous people...And even though you might be adventurous, I don't know if this friendship is going to work out because l am not sure you can handle me."
They will usually respond by reaffirming that they are adventurous or saying, "I don't know if you can handle me?"
I usually will respond to this by saying: "What's the most adventurous thing you have done in the last year".
After they tell me, I might say something such as: "I was starting to think l was a little much for you...but maybe this will work out"
Then l might say: "Are you spontaneous?"
If they say yes, then l might shoot back with: "Good, then we can hang out. But l don't know how spontaneous you are yet, so l can't introduce you to my cool friends because they might think you are a square and l wouldn't want you to embarrass me in front of them" (the key is to do this in a kind of tongue and cheek way. If you are too intense about it, you risk scaring the girl away--especially if she is frigid).
Then challenge them by asking them either what makes them spontaneous or by asking them what the most spontaneous thing they have done in the last year is.
If they give me a sexual response to either being adventurous or spontaneous, then l can skip the next step. But if they don't give me a sexual response (this is actually kinda rare) I will ask them about the craziest place they ever had sex.
I am sure that some of you are thinking: how can he do this so early on in the conversation? The reason "I can" is that l have already gotten them to commit to being adventurous and spontaneous, so, through the principle of commitment and consistency, they have to be consistent with what they have committed to. If they act prudish, then l will accuse them of lying about being adventurous and spontaneous.
Once they tell you the craziest place they ever had sex, they will usually ask you the same question, to which you better come up with a story that is even more adventurous than theirs (Remember, the subtext you are trying to get across is that you are looking for an adventurous girl, but no matter how adventurous she is, she is not quite as adventurous as you.).
Then l might talk about kissing. Then l might say to her: if you were in kissing school, what grade would your teacher give you as a kisser? They usually will say an A (beautiful women want to sustain their value as beautiful women). Then l kiss them. Why does this work? This works because l am challenging three things she has committed to being true about who she is: How adventurous she is, how spontaneous she is, and how good of a kisser she is. If she does not live up to the challenge, she will come across as a liar--and women hate having the reputation of being a liar.
Qualifying & Challenging is one of the most powerful methods for getting women to buy into your meta-frame:
One aspect to what you are doing when Qualifying & Challenging is challenging a woman to live up to your standards, expectations, and rules. This is what we just talked about.
The other aspect to what you are doing is by firstly, validating a woman, and then by secondly, challenging her to prove to you that she qualifies as being worthy of the validation you gave her, you are making her unknowingly buy into the meta-frame of her trying to get your validation. Let's look at an example.
When l say to women, "You seem adventurous, are you?" many of them will respond with, "yes". Is this because most women are adventurous? No, not at all. However, most women--or at least many of the women l interact with--want to be thought of as adventurous-- I mean who wants to be thought of as boring? In fact, when l ask most women this, they take it as me validating how they want to be seen (this is what complimenting and praising are about).
Then l might say, "I am not sure how adventurous you really are, what makes you adventurous anyways?" Here l am challenging her to prove to me that she is qualified as being adventurous. Most women will be up for the challenge and here's why.
Firstly, as l have mentioned before, if they are not up for the challenge then they will come across as liars.
Secondly, by them not taking on the challenge of proving to me that they qualify as adventurous, all of the praise and validation that l gave them about being adventurous is taken away. The risk of being invalidated is too great to not attempt the challenge.
Unknowingly, by them giving into my praising and validating them as being adventurous, they have grown dependent on my validation.
So, as soon as a woman attempts my challenge she has bought into the frame of trying to revalidate her self through me. Notice how nicely this frame fits into and implies my meta-frame:
2. That she is trying to get me to like her or trying to win me over--whether it be in the sense of attraction, acceptance or validation.
3. That she wants me so bad that she is trying to make me sleep with her.
4. The both of us are going to sleep together, but only if she lives up to my standards and expectations.
Qualifying & Challenging is really a form of Pushing & Pulling:
Qualifying & Challenging is really a form of Pushing & Pulling. So, for example, when l say, "You seem like you might be adventurous" I am Pulling her in. And when l say, "Are you? Because l am only friends with adventurous people" I am Pushing her away. And when l say, "Good, then we can be friends" I am Pulling her in. And when l say, "But when we hang out I am not going to take you to any of my cool places yet, because l do not know how adventurous you really are" I am Pushing her away.
In other words, when she meets my qualifications l pull her in. And then l push her away with higher qualifications. Notice that at most l am only tentatively accepting her, yet l never am slamming the door in her face completely. This is similar to Pushing & Pulling where you never want to fully Push her away from you, yet never want to fully Pull her into you.
Qualifying & Challenging is a powerful way of PRIZING women. Furthermore, it is really a form of Pushing & Pulling because you are continuously Pushing the girl away from you and then Pulling her back into you. Also, similar to Pushing & Pulling, you are never fully Pushing her away but you never fully Pulling her in. Or put in Qualifying & Challenging words, you are never slamming the door in her face, yet you are only tentatively accepting her. There are three steps to really making Qualifying & Challenging work: believing you are the PRIZE, having PRIZABILITY; and finally, having standards, expectations, and rules. Also, Qualifying & Challenging is one of the fastest ways to making a girl buy into our meta-frame.
Take out a piece of paper and write down all of the things you want and expect from a woman. Now write down all of the things you will absolutely not tolerate from a woman. Then for the next month spend a few minutes a day rehearsing your standards, expectations and rules. After some time has elapsed you will start to convey to women that you are a man who knows what he wants and expects from women. Conveying to women that you are a man who knows what he wants and expects from women is a huge part of being successful with Qualifying & Challenging.
Also, when you sense a woman is into you--you have some PRIZABILITY in her eyes--practice Qualifying & Challenging. Make it a game to see how much you can get her to qualify her self to you. If you get her to qualify her self to you, congrats, you have gotten her to chase you.
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