By now you should have, at the very least, some idea of what frames and meta-frames are. You might even be able to recognize certain frames and meta-frames in male/female interactions. But you might be wondering how to actually set, maintain, and control these frames and meta-frames. I know l used to. I can remember being in situations with women knowing that they were either controlling the meta-frame or taking control of it from me, yet feeling powerless to do anything about it. If you have been there before, don't worry. I am about to teach you a powerful four-step method for controlling the meta-frame.
Step 1: Defining the meta-frame:
The first step to controlling the meta-frame is to set the meta-frame.
This is defining the overall underlying in meaning of the interaction.
If you do not set the meta-frame--define the overall underlying meaning of the interaction--the woman will define it for you. In my experience, letting a woman be the one to define the overall underlying meaning of your interaction with her (Ietting her set the meta-frame), will drastically decrease your chances of sleeping with her (note: I am not saying that one has to be controlling. What l am saying is that one needs to be in control and conscious of how this underlying meaning is defined).
Here is an example, I personally use, of defining the overall underlying meaning of the interaction:
1. You are the PRIZE.
2. She is trying to get you to like her or trying to win you over--whether it be in the sense of attraction, acceptance or validation.
3. She wants you so bad that she is trying to make you sleep with her.
4. The both of you are going to sleep together, but only if she lives up to your standards and expectations.
Step 2: Assume the meta-frame in advance
A big part of setting frames is assuming the meta-frame with a woman before you even talk to her. This means that if l am in a bar and spot a really beautiful woman, before even approaching her l will tell myself that no matter how she reacts to me l know that the underlying meaning of our interaction is going to be this:
2. She is trying to get me to like her or trying to win me over--whether it be in the sense of attraction, acceptance or validation.
3. That she wants me so bad that she is trying to make me sleep with her.
4. The both of us are going to sleep together, but only if she lives up to my standards and expectations.
Put another way, I assume before even talking to her that the underlying meaning of all of her behaviours and actions when l do talk to her will fit into my meta-frame.
What l recommend you doing is rehearsing our definition of the meta-frame, in the same way that you would rehearse affirmations. This way you will condition yourself to automatically assume the meta-frame before even interacting with a woman.
STEP 3: THE ART OF NOT CHOOSING HER
Deep down most somewhat to really attractive women ASSUME that most men would sleep with them in a second if they had the opportunity. They assume in most cases that they are choosing (or better yet, accepting) the guy, and that he is just going along for the ride.
There are several cases of human courtship that both exemplify and make it easy for women to assume this:
1). The man traditionally asks the woman to dance. She can either accept or reject the offer.
2). The man traditionally asks the woman out on a date. She can either accept or reject the offer.
3). The man traditionally asks the woman for her hand in marriage. She can either accept or reject the offer.
Perhaps this is why women who are interested in a guy, usually don't try to win the guy over.
Instead they attempt to get the guy to win them over.
For example, when many beautiful women find themselves attracted to a man, instead of approaching him, they will do things to get him to notice them, hoping that he will approach them.
This is a brilliant frame because even though they were the ones who were originally interested in the guy, they turn it around by making it up to the guy to try to win them over.
This is powerful because not only does it ASSUME that the man likes them, it assumes that he is trying to be chosen or accepted by them. When we think about it like this, it makes men seem like approval seeking puppy dogs, doesn't it?
Women knowing that they are the ones who usually do the choosing is a double-edged sword. On one edge they have this great power of knowing that most men will easily buy into the frame that women are the PRIZE. But this leads the other edge of the sword abound with insecurities.
For one, women often times have a gnawing fear that a man is only sleeping with them because they chose or accepted him--and that maybe, he does not even really like them.
For two, often times if a man views a woman too much as the PRIZE and is willing to jump through a bazillion hoops for her in hopes of winning her over, she will begin to see him as having little value and self-worth. She will begin to think to herself, why does he feel the need to do all of these things for me? Thoughts will begin racing through her mind such as, do l really want to be with a self-worthless needy desperate man? Many women refer to what l am talking about as "trying too hard".
For these reasons, it is my feeling that when a man first meets a woman, one of the best things he can do is to not choose (or only tentatively choose or accept) her, before she has a chance to decide if she is going to choose him. This is one of the best ways to set our meta-frame:
1. That you are the PRIZE.
2. That she is trying to get you to like her or trying to win you over--whether it be in the sense of attraction, acceptance or validation.
3. That she wants you so bad that she is trying to make you sleep with her.
4. The both of you are going to sleep together, but only if she lives up to your standards and expectations.
Furthermore, even if she does not buy into your meta-frame right away, "not choosing her" preempts her from not choosing you.
Perhaps this sheds light on why many women are attracted to guys who are assholes. Often times when a man ignores women and acts like an asshole, they think: why doesn't he accept me, what is wrong with me, how can l get him to accept me?
We will talk more about how to do this in proceeding chapters (especially the chapters in the third part of this book, which relate to the art of coquetting).
Guys, this took me years to figure out. But seriously, it is so powerfuI.
Step 4: Setting frames that implicate the Meta-Frame
Do you remember what frames are? They are the underlying meaning of behaviours and actions. You might also remember that frames implicate the meta-frame.
Put in other words, the way in which the underlying meanings of peoples'--whether it be yours' or the girI's or both--behaviours and actions get defined, implicates an overall underlying meaning of the interaction.
What this means is that you need to be conscious of how you set frames: that is, how you define the underlying meaning of the behaviours and actions of both you and the woman you are interacting with.
There are probably countless frames or ways of defining the underlying meaning of behaviours and actions that imply or fit inside of our meta-frame.
Here are some of the ones that l use:
1. Framing one or more of her actions, behaviours, or things about her as meaning that she is not good enough for me or cannot handle me (this implicates that l am the PRIZE, and that l might not go for her because she falls short of my standards and expectations).
2. Framing one or more of her actions as her being interested or trying to pursue me (this implicates that l am the PRIZE, that she is trying to win me over, that she wants to sleep with me, and etc.).
3. Framing one or more of her behaviours or actions as her being a little crazy (when a woman is trying to get you to buy into a frame and you view it as her saying something really out there, or as something that has no place in objective reality, it inoculates the frame and let's her know that you are unwilling to buy into it).
4. When framing her behaviours, actions, or something about her as meaning that she lacks class, it implicates many great things, one of which is that l am the one who is the PRIZE in the interaction.
5. Framing her behaviours, actions, or something about her, as meaning that she is a goober (slang for someone who is socially inept), implicates lots of good stuff. One is that since l am cool and she is a goober, I get to judge her behaviours but, since she is a goober, she is ill fit to judge mine. Two is that it sets me up as being the one who is the PRIZE in the interaction.
6. Accusing her of not really living the life that she wants to live (or accusing her of being envious of me). Both of these are great ways of implicating that l am the one who is the PRIZE.
7. Framing some of her behaviours, actions or things about her as meaning that she is a little creepy (girls often times call guys creepy and there is nothing that messes with a girl worse than me letting her know that l think she is a little creepy. God l love this one). This one can be used to implicate that she wants me but that l would never go for her because she falls short of my standards and expectations.
8. Framing some of her behaviours, actions, or things about her as meaning that she is a sleaze balI (this is another great way to implicate that she wants me but that l am not so sure if she will live up to my standards and expectations).
9. Framing her behaviours and actions as being rude or insensitive (this implicates that she is not living up to my standards and expectations).
Damn this is good; I am getting excited just writing about it.
Notice that many of these frames are the frames that women set with guys. So, I am taking many of the frames they use to turn guys into frustrated pathetic beggars, on them. This is extremely powerful--specially if you can get them to laugh while you are doing this. As l mentioned earlier, when they are laughing, their guard is down meaning that they are more apt to go along with the frames you are setting.
There are four steps to setting the meta-frame. The first one is to set the meta-frame: define the overall underlying meaning of the interaction. The way l define it (and you are welcome to custom tweak it) is this: That l am the PRIZE, that she is trying to get me to like her, that she wants me so bad that she is trying to make me sleep with her, and that we both know that we are going to sleep together, but only if she lives up to my standards and expectations. The second step is to assume what the underlying meaning is before even interacting with the woman. The third step is to not choose or only tentatively choose her. The fourth step is to set frames that fit inside of or imply the meta-frame.
At least once a day rehearse the definition of the meta-frame out loud. This will help you internalize it to the point that you will become conditioned to assume it even before you begin an interaction with a woman.
AIso, after interacting with a woman, write down things you could have done to frame some of their behaviours as implicating our meta-frame.
At least once a week, record an interaction between you and a woman, so you can review it and see where you began loosing control of the meta-frame.
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