The Pattern

1. Discover how the person stops him/herself from speaking up assertively.

"Think of a time when you wanted to express yourself in an assertive way, but didn't feel that you could. As you think of that time, notice what pictures you make, where you see them, and how many you have. What else do you notice about those pictures? What do you say to yourself? Whose voice do you use and where do you locate that voice? What feelings do you experience as you notice this, and where do you locate those feelings?"

2. Locate the belief associated with assertiveness.

"As you think about speaking up and expressing your own thoughts and emotions, what ideas or beliefs do you have about this? Do you hold any negative thoughts about it? What could serve as a useful purpose in not speaking up assertively?"

3. Invest assert iveness with more value and meaning. Search for the opposite of discounting and devaluing assertiveness. Identify the benefits supporting becoming more assertive.

"Think for a moment of all the advantages that will accrue for you in learning to speak and relate more assertively. What do you think of other people who express themselves in a respectful and firm way? What can adopting this resource do for you?"

4. Fully represent assertiveness in a compelling way.

"What pictures, sounds, feelings and words support the resource of assertiveness for you? What internal pictures would you create if you felt as assertive as you would like to feel? Notice their qualities and location. How would you talk to yourself? Notice your voice tone, rate, location, etc. What feelings would you have if you felt as assertive as you would like to feel?"

Klicit and fully represent times in the person's past when they responded in an assertive way. Integrate these with your pictures of assertively responding now and in the future.

5. Switch pictures. Have the person move their pictures and representations of non-assertiveness behind their pictures and representations of communicating with assertiveness. Let the non-assertive pictures take on the qualities of the assertive pictures.

"Now move those non-assertive pictures (indicate their location) over here behind these pictures of you speaking assertively. Change them to reflect you as assertive with the same color, images, and movement as the assertive pictures. Move any non-assertive voices to the place where your internal dialogue supports assertiveness. Change the message so that all voices support assertiveness in the same way. If you find any negative feelings about assertiveness, move them to the location where you hold good feelings about assertiveness. Have them take on the same qualities as the good feelings. Work with these parts until you feel congruent and comfortable with communicating assertively."

Your Perfect Right

Your Perfect Right

Always wondered if you could use assertiveness and equality in your relationships and in your life? Here are some great information on how to be more assertive! Do you want to improve your career and the amount of money that you bring home? Do you want to break all the sales records in your office? Do you want to bring home more money? Do you feel as though you are just short of reaching all of your goals?

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