The great fear that you have when it comes to approaching women undoubtedly grows from the fact that you have a gnawing uncertainty of exactly what to say and how to act in a way that a great looking woman would find charming, clever and intriguing, as opposed to stupid, laughable and humiliating. Right? The need to avoid these negative emotions overrides whatever horniness that you have. Simply put, ignorance begets fear.
Well then get set to burn these next seven ideas into your brain forever. If you can adopt these manners, you'll be light-years ahead of your clueless competition.
ONE - Always Dress Stylishly and Appropriately No Matter Where You Are. I know we covered this already but I need to ring your bell on this issue one more time just to make sure you get it. Clothes are super important to attracting women, just like big breasts are to men. (Hey I know it's perverse, but I didn't make up these rules!). No, you do not have to walk around like some 70's disco asshole with lots of fancy gold chains hanging off your neck. In fact this is the worst thing that you can do. That's trying way too hard and is ridiculously obvious. All you need to do is make sure that you stay abreast of the latest casual fashions and keep 90% of your wardrobe safely within these bounds. I'm not going to tell you exactly how to dress because fashions change and that sort of information gets dated fast. Go take a peek at the GQ or Playboy websites ( www.gq.com or www.playboy.com ) for an idea of what the latest styles are looking like. The key thought here is to always endeavor to look good... the problem with most guys is that they tend to dress up only when they know they're going out somewhere and there's likely to be some single women hanging around. Otherwise they dress like they do on the job at the steel mill. (Note: and if you're a white collar guy, lose the suit when you're not at work... they're only to be worn at appropriate formal events like weddings and funerals or while on the job. Otherwise they mark you as either a mobster or a Secret Service agent).
Unfortunately, Murphy's Law states that the best opportunities to meet women will only show up when you least expect it, like when you're out at the store buying a six pack. There's that hot chick standing in line next to you and you're doing your imitation of a stinking, unshaven bum today. Wonderful. Always seems to happen that way, doesn't it? But when you go out to the clubs looking fine the good chances never seem to come along, do they? Plus the competition in bars is absurd... if you're not one of the big strong "pretty boys" you don't so much as get a second look from most of the women there. Your best chances pop up in every day life. That means that you must always dress in a stylish, but casual, manner. Don't let it look like you're trying too hard, but don't be a rag john either. Stay somewhere in between. Balance! Remember, stylish dress is the trademark of the high status male. Women will "read" your dressing signals for clues about your ranking. They can size you up and file you away as either a Player or a Loser in just a matter of seconds.
And once they do, there's no changing categories without a big effort on your part. So be aware that you need to make that critical first impression as a Player, right away
As a final nail in this particular coffin, did you ever notice how a lot of married guys end up looking like overgrown 10 year old boys because of the way they're dressed? Yes, I said dressed. After two kids and thirty extra pounds, their wives have gradually taken to buying most of their clothes for them via Christmas & birthday gifts. Don't think there isn't a method to their madness... they make a point of keeping their men sealed in cheap k-mart shirts with goofy patterns and mismatched pants. They do this in order to send very deliberate "stay away" signals to other women -- knowing just how put-off any potential competitors will be to their husbands' doofus wardrobes. The clever and crafty wives know that -- just as the proper clothes make the man -- the wrong clothes will completely drag him out of contention. Probably without the dumb ass even knowing it. Nuff said.
TWO - Show that You're Normal, Harmless and Creative. One of the major worries that women have when being advanced upon by a man they've never met before is determining whether or not he's a psycho. I mean a seriously dangerous bastard. Signs of a twisted personality include things like a complete lack of any sense of humor, disheveled hair and clothes, or any kind of incoherent mumblings. A guy who seems too slick and polished (a phoney liar) is a warning flag too. This is a qualifying test that you have to pass right away or you will not be given a chance to work any of your seductive magic. I trust that you've managed to stay out of mental wards for most of your life or at the very least are attentively taking your medication every day, so this shouldn't be too much of a problem for you, right?
Showing a bit of imagination and whimsy in your light-hearted approach is a good way to score points too. Again, there's nothing specific I can tell you to do here, you just have to learn how to react to the situation you find yourself in with a touch of resourcefulness. Think... assume the dominant male attitude you wish to convey before you speak. Also, try not to use the opportunity of meeting a woman as a launching pad for one of your dissertations on how the government is secretly test-flying captured UFO's in Nevada -- at least not until around the third date when she knows you're just kidding around. You are, aren't you? In other words, stick to normal conversational topics, ok?
Hey, here's a sly little greeting trick that will make a subliminal great first impression on any woman. In situations where you're being formally introduced by a third party (like in a business setting) you may have an opportunity to shake a woman's hand. There's a right and wrong way to do this. Assuming she's foxy and worth playing for, here's the right way: First, make sure that your hand fully engages hers until the webs between your thumbs and index fingers touch (no wimpy, submissive malestyle limp wrist handshakes... ee-gad!); grasp firmly but don't squeeze hard (like you would do with a man in the old "I'll-crush-your-puny-fuckin-hand" power handshake competition). Then (this is the best part)... very subtly, while maintaining eye contact and smiling, turn your hand very slowly and slightly in a clockwise direction to the right so that her hand is above yours with your palm turned upwards (instead of side-by-side vertically the way they started out). Hold on gently for a few seconds, then release her hand and let it slide out of yours while you remain perfectly still. Why women get all turned on by this (well, impressed anyway) I don't know, but I suspect that it has to do with the way in which the shining Knight takes hold of the maiden's hand before kissing it (her hand above his, knuckles up). Chivalry bub! A fantasy. It's vaguely intriguing and suggestive, and puts you in an immediate positive light that separates you from all the other clueless schmucks she's met today who either gave her the 'squishy fishy' or 'bone-crusher' greeting.
See how you've got to be thinking all the time in order to play the seduction game like a pro. Stay frosty and remember to do the little things properly. You have to build a seduction brick by brick... and think of the first brick that you lay (yourfirst impression) as your all-important cornerstone. Remember, first impressions have nuclear importance when it comes to meeting and seducing women -- if you start out wrong, you are almost never able to recover without a huge effort. So save yourself the agony of frustration and do it right from the start. This will set up your next play.
THREE - Be a cool, relaxed flirt. A dominant male is calm and in control, right? So a passive, "got-my-shit-together" approach is always better than a frantic, nervous one. Of course, you can't act completely aloof unless you're an famous athlete or celebrity of some kind, in which case your reputation has preceded you and done all the preliminary work of seduction in advance. However, "normal" guys like us have to walk a fine line between showing complete disinterest in a woman and behaving like a silly lapdog. Advertise your delight in meeting her with crisp eye contact and a gentle smile, but keep your flirting subtle. Act friendly and show that your intrigued by her feminine charm, but communicate most of it non-verbally through the use of open body language and a mischievous gleam in your eye. As your confidence rises with the techniques you'll be learning about throughout this book, I'm sure you won't even have to think about stuff like this consciously for very much longer.
FOUR - Show that you can Listen as well as talk. In your charged-up state it's easy to start running off at the mouth and begin blathering along about nothing of any real importance... so happy are you to be getting any kind of hopeful response from her. One of the basic emotional needs that woman have, however, is a need to be heard by men. They find this to be validating in some way, probably since it's still a man's world to a large extent and being taken seriously by any man is very energizing and endearing. Listening is a powerful and effective way to build rapport. You should become skilled at actively listening... i.e., making little supportive comments here and there to demonstrate that you're comprehending what she's telling you (even if you don't agree with her, or think the topic itself is trivial), and not just letting it run through your skull unprocessed. Then, mirror her thoughts back to her using a different set of words. I swear to God it's true... people think you're brilliant if you endorse their own ideas back to them in an improved form! All you have to do is add an idea or two of your own into the mix here and there so that you don't seem like a patronizing suck-up. This is a trick that politicians and slick salesmen utilize to get people to admire them so they'll either buy something or vote for them come election time.
Listening also sets you apart from the average guy since just about no one does it anymore. It also lends an air of mystery because you won't have a chance to blab too much about yourself. This is a key issue. You should aspire to reveal only bits and pieces of yourself to a woman during any given encounter with her -- never spill your guts and talk about your personal problems, medical abnormalities or past history, etc. Always hold something back in reserve. Make her want to see you again to find out more. Otherwise you become just another unremarkable story in the big city, nothing to distinguish you from the teeming crowd. It's your distinctiveness that intrigues women, not the fact that you're just an everyday, fart-blowing Joe. Women don't want generic, they want something unique and interesting. Why do you think she fantasizes about actors and rock stars and secret agents. Speaking of secret agents...
FIVE - Speak in a Relaxed, Low, Mysterious Voice. The voice is your primary instrument of seduction, so you must be certain to use it wisely. We concentrate a lot on the content of what you say in this book, but don't forget that the delivery is incredibly important too, especially at the appropriate moments when the two of you can share a flirtatious moment alone. For the purposes of seduction you'll want to park your usual 'nails-on-a-chalkboard' screech and coax your voice into sounding more full-bodied and deep. A good way to accomplish this is to stretch out your vocal chords before you speak by pretending to yawn before speaking (but keep your mouth closed!). Try it right now. Open the back of your throat by doing a "yawn stretch" for a few seconds. Notice how much more deeper and sexier your voice sounds? If not, keep practicing until it does. Your voice should feel like it's originating from deep down in your lower chest instead of from your neck area. A throaty voice is highly erotic. This is a simple trick and probably the hardest part is remembering to do it when you're actually chatting up some fox and your mind is twirling away in a dead panic.
Stay away from any kind of weary drone, impatient staccato or a judgmental scolding tone. These types of articulations belong to guys who are all bone-stroking assholes. Think conspiratorial instead... lean in close to her like you're revealing a secret, like your exchange is private and for her ears only, and watch how she's drawn in to you. Women love this sort of thing. Remember, most of what you're doing is listening actively anyway... so use your voice like a rudder to steer the conversation along with occasional comments delivered in a deep rich tone. Use the yawning technique only, don't try to cheat by booming your voice because that's obviously fake and sounds stupid and you'll make a complete fool of yourself. This trick takes some skill and an ability to think reasonably on your feet.
SIX - Match her Mood. One of the cleverest ways to effect a sense of rapport with anyone is to mirror them. If they glimpse a reflection of themselves in you it somehow validates their own thoughts and feelings. It's intoxicating to the human spirit... so make certain to exploit this tool early and often. I mentioned reflecting back a woman's ideas, but it's just as important to mirror back her mood too. If you meet a girl who's in an "up" mood because of some goings on around you like a wild party or whatever, your mood should be similarly upbeat. Park your slow, dark and soft-spoken sexy demeanor for another more appropriate time. Now is the time to be bright and loud in your approach and interaction with her. If you run across her in a quiet library somewhere, that's where the slow, soft and mellow "you" makes it's appearance. Otherwise you're attempting to pull her out of her present mood and into yours. That means she has to make an effort to mentally switch gears in order to match your mood, and why should she? You're a perfect stranger -- there's no reason for her to make that kind of mental effort on behalf of someone she doesn't even know yet. You double your chances of rejection by failing to match her mood. There'll be plenty of time to explore different emotions with her on future dates. For now,you're the interested party. You are the "salesman" trying to make the sale. Therefore it is you who must make all the concessions to entice the customer. Get it?
SEVEN - Focus is Flattering. One sure way to knock any woman out of her defensive mode is to keep your attention absolutely focused on her. It's not advisable to be constantly breaking eye contact and looking around while you're out together, especially when she's talking. And checking out other women with a roving eye is tantamount to complete social suicide. If she so much as picks up a sniff that you're just another horn dog who thinks that "all tail is the same", and that checking out the other trim in the room is no big deal, you're dead meat. Period. Your introductory conversations with her on first dates are all about her getting a sense of who you are and IF YOU CAN BE TRUSTED. As I stated before, trust is a huge deal with women... their biology compels them to seek out males of some character who will stick around long enough to help them raise their children. This is a test you simply must pass.
One of the smoothest ways to keep your attention focused is to use a visualization technique that imagines you and the woman that you're interested in huddled together beneath one of those droopy old 70's-style umbrellas. Remember those? They were shaped like the helmets those old English constables used to wear, or the Keystone Cops. Visualize yourselves trapped together inside this little pod -- separated from the rest of the world as if caught in your own private rainstorm. Try it next time you're chatting with any girl (ok, not your sister...), it's a mental trick that you play inside your own head so no one will know. But the effect it will have on your manner is profound. You'll discover that keeping your attention focused on her is effortless. She'll be enthralled by the intimacy of your conversation, just be sure not to get yourself pressed too far into her personal space if it would still be inappropriate to do so, or you'll creep her out and get just the opposite effect that you desire. Of course, also be sure to briefly break eye contact from time to time so that you're not boring straight into her like some nut case. The bug-eyed Charlie Manson psycho look isn't happening.
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