Alright, let's see if we can't put this whole thing together into a coherent "philosophy of life". Now that you understand something about the basic emotional needs of both men and women, it's easy to see how they could be fit together into a single package that would define the ideal personality type that most of us are seeking as "soulmates". The so called 'Right One'. Since this book is for guys, I'll lay out for you what I think the three most important characteristics are that any guy should be looking for in a woman, and while it might also be true for women, they've got enough of their own books and magazine articles to dig through to determine how to find their own Mr. Right.
For a Man, Ms. Right should have these 3 qualifications:
1) She should be someone who turns you on sexually - Once again I harp on the importance of sexual attraction, since if you aren't really turned on by her right out of the starting blocks, just how bored do you suppose you'll be after a year or two? This is why relationships grind to a halt and fall to pieces with the woman bitching away that she never gets laid any more.
There are two considerations here: one, body style, and two, seeing through your initial haze of horniness. The real deal breaker is body style... you've simply got to hold out for a girl whose body style (natural frame structure) is the kind that turns you on. Yeah I know she will change over time and there's nothing anyone can do about that (watch how fat your gut will get someday too, bucko), but if you've gone for a girl with the awesome body style right at the beginning, you will have given yourself the best possible chance of being able to remain sexually attracted to her over the long haul. The closer she is to your 'type' the longer it will take for her to morph into something you find unacceptable, and in fact she may never change so much that you find her unattractive.
Also be sure to target a body style that you find attractive no matter what it is, and don't worry about what your buddies think or what society seems to prefer. They're not the ones who will have to remain sexually excited by her over the years, so fuck 'em. If you like heavy ones or skinny ones then go for those. Choosing a partner for sex is an extremely personal decision, and you should keep your own counsel. Stay true to yourself and you'll be much happier in the long run.
The second thing to remember is that, in your initial fog of horniness soon after you've first met, a lot of different types of women can give you a woody. Hell, you've been eyeing up the family dog lately, haven't you? Admit it. There is a point where you'll fuck anything, and that's okay. Just remember, she might be able to turn you on big time at first, but will you become desensitized to her physical charms after a short while and have to struggle to get it up? Only you can know this sort of thing for sure, but it's something that you should consider in the early stages in order to save yourself a lot of grief, heartbreak and tears later on. Is this girl going to be able to keep me turned on, or will I get bored and tied of having sex with her? If you're cross-eyed with horniness it might be hard to ever imagine not being hot to jump her bones, but you know that there will come a day when that happens... especially it she's too far away from your body type to begin with. The sex might be volcanic at first, but you know that can turn on a dime.
Whether you can make this determination right away before having sex with her even one time, or if you will need to nail her a few times to see if the fires die quickly is something that only you can decide how to handle for yourself. Just make sure to not let yourself get too comfortable and settled into her pussy if it isn't right. My humble advice is to cut your losses and get out before you dig too deep a hole for yourself.
2) She should be someone whose Four Primary Needs you feel enthusiastic and comfortable about fulfilling - And of course I'm not talking about becoming a royal ass kiss. The key word is enthusiastic... this woman should be someone whom you feel a steadily deepening affinity for. Someone that draws out the desire in you to fill those very basic needs for her - to be heard, to be romanced, someone to lean on, and a prize to be shown off - without her having to pout for it. All these expressions will be given by you freely and with a warm honesty because they come from the heart.
In other words, you will have to really feel something for this girl in order for her to get past Gate #2 of this "Right One" test. There is no way to fake it, and... why would you even want to? If you don't naturally begin to feel this kind of genuine warmth for her after a few dates, then you probably never will. This is where guys who don't have a lot of experience with women panic and end up compromising their own criteria for what they truly believe they want in a relationship. They mistakenly believe there won't be any more chances available to them if they pass this one up. So they do the worst possible thing that I think you can do when it comes to the subject to pairing off with a lifemate... settle.
There is no better way to pave the pathway to future misery than to settle for something that's below your threshold for happiness. That's why I talked about comfortable wimps and uncomfortable, tough MEN earlier in this book... it isn't easy to get a relationship set up the way it needs to be. You've got to suck it up and crash through all the bad feelings, knowing that someday it will all be worth it. Remember, the wimps will bail at the first sign of rough going and seek comfort. Men will not settle for anything less than what they feel they deserve. This is where you will earn your stripes in the war of love and romance.
3) She should be someone who seems ready, willing and able to fulfill YOUR Four Primary Emotional Needs - The best way to get this result is to hook up with a woman who chooses you (as opposed to you choosing her) during the very first moments of the seduction. She was the one who started flirting first, and maybe even the one to suggest getting together for a few drinks or something similar (!). You almost can't go wrong in terms of finding a loyal partner if you allow yourself to be the "selectee" instead of the "selector" in the mating game. As I said before (and again reiterate in the Mega Rules of Men-Women Relations found in Appendix B ) it is the women who choose the men in the mating game... not vice-versa as society would have us all fooled into believing.
The challenge of course is that the woman who selects you with her flirtatious interest is often someone who is of no interest to you, at least romantically speaking. This is the age old quandary of the game of Love and Romance... unrequited love offered by one person, unreturned by the other. I'm sure you've run up against this particular wall several times in your life, most probably beginning in grammar school. Finding that perfect someone is the great quest of our lives, and it is by no means an easy task. Just look at how many people fail at it... look at the divorce rates, the broken families, the broken hearts. How many of your friends are just barely hanging on or suffering through with someone they've grown to dislike or even despise? People bounce from one relationship to another all their lives trying to find that special someone who they can love and who without reserve will love them back just as powerfully.
The task of meeting the perfect mate is really no different than buying the perfect house or finding the perfect career for yourself... it's all a numbers game. Your chances of success increase in direct proportion to the sheer number of "items" that you consider for "purchase" before making your final selection. One of the things that you can do to help improve your odds is to project as big an image of male dominance as you possibly can. This will increase the number of women that you will have the opportunity to meet and date since they will be drawn to you.
It's the low status male who gets so few chances with women that when one finally shows a meager interest he latches onto her like an old bulldog chewing on a pant leg (can you say stalker?). Seriously, what do you think the odds are of the first woman to come along in five or ten years that shows any romantic interest in you being the absolute perfect match for you? How about zero? There is no way that you can hit on the perfect woman for yourself with this small of a sample to work with unless you are extremely lucky (I'm talking winning-the-Lotto style luckiness) in which case your story is a freak of nature and should be written up in the newspaper when it happens. You simply won't live long enough to run enough women through the "relationship tester" to have any realistic chance of finding her with such an unfocused, hit-or-miss method. You would need to live several hundred years and possess the patience of Job to find your perfect mate by dribbling through one or two relationships per decade.
No, what you'll do instead is settle, and I already explained how that's just a fast track to unhappiness and bitterness.
In summary, try your best to hold out for a girl who will gladly keep up her end of the deal and work to keep your four primary needs - to be accepted as you are, to be respected for what you do for her, to be a true friend and confidante, and to be enthusiastic about pleasing you sexually - satisfied. Otherwise, the lesser partner becomes a subservient kiss-ass who loses the respect of the more dominant partner... who then begins to control every aspect of the relationship because he or she has a diminished interest in it. The party with the least interest in a relationship always controls it, another Mega Rule.
This is not the formula for true love... love can only flow from a balanced (there's that word again...) relationship where both partners care about pleasing the other one simply because they like each other. True "like" is not something that can be faked or forced... it has to appear naturally from the chemistry that only occurs between certain people, the rhyme or reason for which is as much a mystery today as it ever has been throughout human history.
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