b loodSport? Are you telling me that trying to meet and seduce women really all that dire? Isn't the grand game of wooing women supposed to be a light-hearted adventure taken on with playful humor and an air of restless good spirit?
Sure... but only if you don't suffer from Severe Rejection Hyper-Sensitivity like I used to. SRHS is a life-damaging psychological millstone around your neck which I
had the sheer luck to discover has a very concrete underpinning in the way that you were treated by your primary caretakers (parents) as an adolescent. I'll discuss this problem in depth in Chapter 4 when I introduce you to the eye-opening concept of toxic shame... a malady that lies at the heart of a constellation of various neuroses and thought distortions -- not just this double-damned "shyness".
Look, if you can suffer all the various "kicks to the teeth" that this maddening game of approaching and seducing women often creates -- and just let it all slide off your back like water from a duck -- then you might as well stop reading right now. This book isn't for you. You can probably make some headway with women here and there, now and again. Without Embarrassment is for the guy who is stopped dead in his tracks by the thought of having his advances rejected... who stands helpless at the moment of opportunity when a beautiful, available girl is nearby with his feet rooted to the floor in anxiety... his mouth paralyzed to utter a single word or his body produce a stray movement that might be judged ridiculous or somehow diminishing -- whose mind has gone white-hot blank in a haze of staggering fear.
You and I are kindred spirits. I'll bet you've been to the place that I just described. Maybe you've lived there all your life. I know the agony of this kind of self-imposed isolation, and the frustration of trying to overcome it, or even just understand it. The key to freedom, as you will soon see, is knowledge.
Face it, on a most fundamental level, the reason why you are afraid to open your mouth and say something to a woman in a social situation is that you simply don't know exactly what to say. You understand that you have to say something that deviates from the ordinary run-of-the-mill type of small talk BS that we all engage in with friends and co-workers... but what? You know that the basis for seduction is speech -- that you have to talk to a woman in a certain precise sort of way in order to get her to feel or reciprocate some kind of attraction towards you, but just what are these magic words?
What topics do they focus on? How are they presented? Does the delivery matter more than the actual content of what you say? And if it does, then what does the unspoken nature of that delivery say?
I wrestled with these question endlessly in my forsaken youth, as I suspect you might have too (and might still be doing). One of the characteristics of us thoughtful, withdrawn (sexy) guys is that, besides being way too judgmental and hard on ourselves, we tend to think too much. Intellectualizing and ruminating are thought addictions that give us a shield behind which to hide our true selves. You'll see that once I show you exactly how the mental, physical and gamesmanship aspects of seduction are developed and deployed, your powers of the mind can then be turned to the more productive task of applying these technologies for each individual women that you encounter, instead of trying to invent the whole damn technology right on the spot!
That's where paralysis comes in. How can you be expected to suddenly invent a seduction routine when the opportunity sneaks up and presents itself to you when you're least expecting it? Who could possibly operate under that kind of pressure other than a professional actor who's skilled in improvisational techniques? Hell, even if you're in a bar or a nightclub and have the time to stand around and daydream as all the pretty women swirl around you, you still can't think of what to say! Your overly-critical mind just keeps rejecting one thing after another until you run out of ideas and go home frustrated again.
That's because you understand intuitively that you just can't say any old thing... you have to say the perfect thing or you'll just get rejected and laughed at as a hopeless idiot. And rejection must be avoided at all costs right?
So how do you avoid all this pain and agony? Knowledge. When you have a specific plan of action all worked out in your mind beforehand, which includes an idea of what exactly you should be saying in order to make the best impression possible (and thus diminish your likelihood of being rejected), your ability to take action skyrockets. That's because you can approach the task with the confidence of someone who knows what they're doing. Knowledge and training breeds confidence in any kind of human endeavor. Seducing women is no different than any other task in that respect. (And remember I'm all about avoiding rejection at all costs, so my training has to be extensive in order to cover all or most eventualities).
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