I'm 5'6", unathletic, and have a nasty lisp to my voice. Women find me unattractive and unacceptable as a potential mate. They laugh at guys like me...
This is basically how I thought about myself for years -- from adolescence to adulthood -- in the deepest core of my being. I'm talking about my unconscious mind, where fundamental statements such as these which describe your sense of identity (or at least, certain aspects of it) are held un-critically as the truth, and are then used by your conscious mind to form the basis of a set of internal rules that guide all of your essential behaviors and reactions to other people. Holding this specific sort of woe-is-me belief in the very core of your unconscious mind where it's accepted as absolute truth is particularly life-damaging because it lays down the stench of the weak, rejected male all over you. Even before you've ever actually been rejected by the very first girl you may've approached in high school for a date or a dance, you've already been rejected. The first person to have already rejected you, is YOU. And boy, does it show
At all costs you must remove this stink of rejection from your being or women will smell it a mile away and happily join in on the social embargo which you yourself have already begun.
If there's one concept that I'm going to pound relentlessly into your skull at every opportunity all throughout this book, it's the notion of male dominant status. If this sounds like some S&M shit that you'd find in one of your sick Mr. SpankyTime porno videos, I assure you it isn't. I never fully understood just how absolutely monumental the whole male dominant status thing was to women when it comes to the process they use in their minds to sort out men. With surprising speed, women will categorize men into three distinct groups:
A ) men from whom they would accept romantic overtures, and ultimately consider falling in love with, or at least fucking...
B ) men who, no matter what, could never be regarded as anything more than mere friends, and...
C ) men who completely repulse them for some reason (physical, social, character factor, biological, etc.) and whom they feel they must stay away from at all costs.
The key issue here is speed... women can make this judgement about your romantic potential in a highly temperamental, almost capricious way. They seem to know within mere moments of meeting you which "pile" you belong in. That's why it's essential that you immediately make the correct first impression or you are forever banished to non-romantic "Friendsland" where you simply cannot recover. Okay, sometimes you can recover, but it takes a Herculean effort. Why not learn to do things right the first time and save yourself the hassle of always trying to heal a blown opportunity? As you will discover, this notion of having to always remain light on your feet in an emotional-intellectual sense cannot be over-emphasized.
Anyway, now for some more of my stupid fuck-ups as teaching tools...
One of the worse ways to act around women is in a way that attempts to make them feel sorry for you so that they'll take you home and nurture your poor lonely little self back to emotional health with love and kisses and lots of wonderful, exhausting sex. Unfortunately, this trick only works if you happen to be a kitten, puppy or some other breed of cute furry animal (love and kisses only, no sex for Sparky...). If you're a human male however, you will soon find that attempting to appeal to a woman's natural instinct to love and nourish the downtrodden in such a pathetic way will only make you the object of her merciless and never-ending contempt.
All the so-called "nice guys" of the world learn this simple fact of life, or others like it, in the hardest possible way. They are way too needy (we'll go into all the reasons why later on), but for now understand that acting needy and desperate is a signal of Low Male Status which is always a HUGE romantic turn off to women!
You see, women all have an instinctive attraction to males who demonstrate specific behaviors which suggest that they have attained some kind of fairly high "pecking order" status over other men. It's similar to the way in which men are universally attracted to the visual appeal of a sexy figure and a pretty face. These subjective cues are genetically hard-wired into the "old" primitive brains of both sexes and resist being altered by social conditioning. In a similar fashion, women are drawn almost magnetically to males who exhibit high status demeanors and attitudes, and are driven away from males who display low status behaviors... personality traits that suggest he's been made to submit to the will of other men in some way.
Read that last sentence again and study it until sinks all the way to the bottom. Men who act in a way that denotes a low pecking order status did not get that way by being "pussywhupped" by women... they got that way by being subjugated to the will other men. What do I mean by that? Well, men compete for status against each other in all manner of subtle and overt ways in life, sports, school, the military, the workplace and even in families. There is a sorting and grading process that takes into account physical power, looks, intelligence, popularity, a willingness to take risks and economic status, in the earlier part of our lives. It graduates into a display of financial wealth and position in the workplace, achievements, accolades, community prominence and possibly career or political fame as we move into middle age and beyond. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.
Different levels of male status produce different types of distinctive behaviors and attitudes that are commonly recognized... i.e., the high status male will typically display confidence, strength of character, generosity, likability, charisma and so forth. Meanwhile, the low status male is typically very angry due to being stepped on all his life and ordered around everywhere he goes. He will lack confidence, avoid eye contact, seem either desperate and needy (or aloof and bitter), can be controlling and obnoxious, and will have generally developed some kind of an annoying personality. The important thing to realize is that all these attitudes are formed in response to a lifetime of conditioning (either positive or negative) by the actions of other men, not women.
So women have learned to "read" these attitudes and personality quirks in order to understand just where a man fits on the male dominance scale, possibly in order to help them determine what kind ofpotential provider he might be for her children. And they're damn good at it! Conversely, men get a sense of a woman's potential to bear healthy children by looking for signs of physical attractiveness, which are primarily signs of youthfulness and fertility... 70% hip-to-waist ratio, big eyes plus small chin (childlike face), smooth skin (youth), ample breasts (post-puberty), slim figure (more childlike indicators), etc. So we make the exact same kind ofjudgements about women, but using a different criteria that plays into our different strategy for reproduction.
Which is all that "maleness" and "femaleness" really represents in nature, you know... two diverse yet complimentary strategies for reproduction. You see, men have plenty of sperm to spread around so our strategy involves attempting to inseminate as many females as we possibly can until we drop dead. Sheer chance will then assure that some of them will survive and prosper and become world leaders or major league baseball pitchers, and the more and varied the females that we can inseminate the greater our chances of successfully spreading our genes around become. Society doesn't like our biological strategy any more. They feel it's corrupt and have instituted something called marriage to put a stop to it.
Women on the other hand, faced with the daunting task of actually rearing the children produced in their bodies, need to find a male of some character who is willing to provide resources and protection for her brood over a long period of time. And, unlike most other mammals, women don't know exactly when they go into heat (estrus) either, so they need to husband a male to inseminate them on a regular basis in order to stand a good chance of becoming pregnant. Society admires and honors the female reproductive strategy. They feel it's righteous and have instituted something called marriage to promote it.
These differences in biological imperatives are the source of much of the "Venus and Mars"-type conflicts that occur between men and women, but here we're only concerned with the way in which females look for the appropriate signs and signals in a male's behavior that tell her if this particular man has any mating potential. Seduction of an enticing female is our goal here, and so our mission is to understand just exactly how the game of psychological persuasion is played, and how to play it in a way that harnesses our energies in a positive way instead of letting them run loose in the form of a paralyzing fear of rejection.
We'll get into this topic is greater detail later on as we study how to project those behaviors women find most attractive in men, and how to disguise those that give off the kind of repulsive signal that virtually assures rejection. Key to this understanding is an actual definition of these behaviors and what exactly they seem to be communicating to women on an unconscious level. Seduction is really nothing more than learning how to avoid those adverse behaviors, while adopting the attractive ones into your demeanor.
In some ways men really have a much easier time of it -- for while women must struggle mightily to put on a physically attractive appearance in order to appeal to men (sometimes in the face of overwhelming genetic misfortune), we only have to change our behaviors and attitudes in order to step into the arena and compete at a high level. Our actual physical appearance plays little into the calculus of female attraction (within reason, or course, Swarski...). Even this can be a cosmic revelation for some men, as many of you probably think you have to possess great natural looks to score with women, or else compensate for the lack of it with extraordinary wealth or fame. Not so. As you will soon discover, seduction is a game fought and won strictly with attitude.
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