There is nothing that conveys a deeper sense of intimacy and warmth between two people as does physical touch -- and between and man and woman, touch can become electric if handled correctly. We already discussed how important it is to get some kind of touch on her as soon as possible to keep yourself out of the dreaded "nerdy-friendly-buddy" category. In most every culture, it is always the more dominant person who initiates a casual touch. It's okay for the big boss to put his hand around the shoulder of the (male) employee, but never the other way around. A parent embraces a teenager or a child first, etc. Remember the cute little handshake trick of rotating her hand slightly to the right as you hold her eye? Very slowly and subtly. It works to convey a special something that's different in a very pleasing way about you.
So initiating the first touch flags you as a dominant male who's comfortable being the 'toucher', and not the lowly 'touchee'. Get it? She sure does.
When it comes to touching a woman, there are some important points to remember about this touchy subject (ha, ha!... my comic talents are boundless, are they not?...) that I'd like to touch on (...stop it... I'm killing myself...). Ahem, here they are:
• You must always be the one to initiate the touch in order to assert your male dominance role
• Touching can only occur on the appropriate places of her body
• The timing and frequency of your touches are critical
• The ultimate goal is to get her to start touching you back
Remember, dominant males are used to being the 'first touchers'. When you're getting to know a woman, it's appropriate only to touch her hands, arms, shoulders and upper back areas. Never touch her anywhere below the waist. (And if I have to tell you not to touch her ass or breasts even in a joking fashion, you are a complete retard... you can stop reading now and go back to your wank-off chat room buddies).
At first, your touches should always be fleeting. Don't hold any initial touch too long, because if a touch lingers it becomes uncomfortable and eventually offensive. It is inappropriate for newly acquainted strangers to engage in lingering touches. All the magic lies in a brief touch. Touching her imparts an electric jolt straight into her mating and lust centers -- subconsciously telling her that a seduction has begun. A classy move you can make on a first date is to brush a stray lock of hair out of her eyes when talking to her. This is straight out of a romance novel!
Realize that what you're really after when it's all said and done is to get her inspired to begin touching you back. Even a brief touch of your wrist during dinner, a squeeze of your arm while walking together, or something as innocuous as picking a piece of lint off your jacket can send a thrilling return signal of acceptance and elevated interest back to your heart. This is what we live for! Touch from a woman is a clear signal of growing desire. Not the "I have to jump your bones right now" kind of desire (that's only in your dreams), but a genuine interest that you can properly interpret as meaning that you've passed her first real test... i.e., she now views you as having some kind of serious mating / relationship potential. You've moved along in her mind from stranger to intriguing guy. Now she's thinkin' about it!
Alright, so you've passed the point where a frivolous rejection is no longer likely. Now you'll have to really work to screw it up by doing something completely offensive, or by deliberately failing to escalate to the next level when the moment is right. This is where you have to keep your head and suppress any urges to start sabotaging yourself.
Self-sabotage is a "power tool" used by your shame... remember that. Don't let your shame do your thinking for you at these most critical times in your life! If it "succeeds" in ruining your chances, your shame will feed off the failed event and grow even stronger in the future. It's like an alien creature in a sci-fi movie! But look at it this way... if you perform the steps of seduction with light-hearted flair, your efforts will always be respected by a woman -- even if she's ultimately not attracted to you.
Any woman is flattered by the attentions of a classy man who takes the game of romance seriously, and does not try to diminish it by turning it into a joke.
Always remember that if you keep the level of your game high you have nothing to be ashamed about and no reason to get down on yourself (other than blatant self-hatred). By keeping your cool and giving her no easy reason to reject you because of stupid self-defeating behavior, any rebuff that does occur cannot be blamed on you. It's her issue, not yours. Society deems that it's the man who must make the opening gambit -- your goal should be to keep everything you do classy and appropriate, thus draining all the legitimacy from any shame that your goofy unconscious might try to burden you with later on. You can 'starve' your shame in this way by giving it fewer and fewer opportunities to make its' embarrassing appearance.
Think of it this way... from now on you'll have to 'earn' your right to feel any shame by performing like a totally inappropriate jerk. If you strive to keep your actions cool and classy, it is illegal to feel any shame about what you did, get it? You can't just wallow in your cozy familiar old shame just because you exposed your "secret" need for affection. Not good enough any more. You must set higher standards for your shame. By raising the bar, you'll have room to work freely underneath it without worrying about the "horrifying" consequences of what you're doing. You'll have plenty of slack to have fun and let the chips fall where they may, which is the most effective way to approach a seduction anyway as we know.
Let's digress for a moment, because I know that when you read this stuff you're thinking of dozens of reasons why your own rotten situation is uniquely "special" and therefore why none of this shit will work for you. Resistance to change occurs because your toxic shame is threatened with annihilation if your fundamental style of cognitive behavior is ever permanently altered. Your shame is literally fighting for its own pathetic survival! To defeat an enemy you must understand it. To that end, here's some flawed thinking styles that you might be using to torture yourself with in the service of your shame:
• All or Nothing Thinking - There's no middle ground with you, no partial successes. Either you win the gold or you're a massive, humiliated failure who deserves to be put to death.
This kind of on-off, zero-one, black-white thinking puts colossal pressure on you to succeed -- since the punishment for even the slightest amount of failure is to shame yourself mercilessly. With the stakes so high you are, of course, paralyzed by fear and therefore cannot take any action, especially in a situation where your very self-identity as a man could be put to the test. What this does is make it impossible to learn a new skill (especially one as emotionally charged as seduction) because you have to be willing to accept the inevitable flub-ups that will occur during training as you work your way through your novice period. Too late for that? Too old to let anyone see that you're only just a trainee? Too bad... you should have thought about that while the years slipped away and you allowed your skills to atrophy because you were too prideful to make your first rookie mistakes. Pride is, in fact, the root cause of your condition. It's the old disabled Will again... to keep from thinking of yourself as a lowly
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