Appendix A Cayman Magic

Triggering Sexual Chemisty

Automatic Sexual Chemistry

Get Instant Access

by Mike Pilinski

David idly picked away at the label of his sweaty bottle of Corona. He delighted in the healthy and gratifying ache along the top of his shoulders, a recollection still lingering in his body from an afternoon spend water skiing along Seven Mile Beach. It was a fading recollection though, gradually being massaged away by the robust Mexican brew he'd come to love since arriving on Grand Cayman only... what was it? Five days already? Christ, it wouldn't be long before he was brushing the goddamn snow off his windshield again.

His mind recoiled at the sudden intrusive thought of those gray days, and quickly shoved them away like a dog shakes off water. It was a million miles away and didn't exist any more, he told himself. At least not for another...

Stop. No more thinking of such things. He was here to forget and it would all stay forgotten no matter what it took. Shit, maybe it was time to have Roger fix him up a double of that candy he called "Yamacn' Rum". There would be no more meddlesome visions of any dreary northern winters after he "kissed the 'cane", he smiled to himself. David looked up and spotted Roger jabbering away with a couple of his buddies down at the far end of the bar, the three of them engrossed with something they'd apparently discovered in the want ads of the afternoon paper. Some gem of an old '78 Camaro junker flown over from Cuba or Mexico - "never seen da win'er..."-no doubt.

"Caaawww... Caaawww!..."came the shrill cry from behind his left ear somewhere, followed by the now-familiar 'wee-ohh, wee-ohh" double whistle. Sharp as a sudden gust from a piccolo. David swivelled around to see the grandiose white macaw that carried the bar's namesake Calico Jack just as he spread open his wings to their impressive full three foot expanse. Seeing he had an audience, Jack casually proceeded to splay apart the feathers on his crown in a show of fallow vanity. Heck, what self-respecting tropical bar was complete without a tropical mascot?

"Ay Jack, you'n finally awake?" Roger shouted to his stretching bird, then with a startling dexterity that would've been the envy of any table magician, dug a peanut out of the snack bowl sitting atop the polished ebony bar and with almost no detectable movement of his hand, flicked the morsel across the hazy room towards the posing macaw. The peanut landed on the sand-covered plank floor and the pampered bird plopped off his t-bar perch and scooped it up in a single move. With an easy flutter of his oversized wings he levitated back atop the perch and went to work noisily cracking the nut within his beak. The downwash from his wings swirled the sand into a pair of perfect spiral patterns.

David let his eyes roll lazily around the cozy tropical barroom. Frail tendrils of blue cigar smoke suspended themselves like dead jellyfish in the warm rays of the evening sunlight -- angling through foggy, sandblasted windows. He and Roger and his two pals had the place all to themselves for now, but it was early yet - still daylight - and that would change in about an hour or so when mobs of tourists began to drift in from the packed resorts, red-faced after a long afternoon squandered vegetating on the beach or getting cleaned out in the casinos up in George Town.

As if she'd read his mind, "Mrs. Roger" ( he was embarrassed to admit (Appendix -- Pg 248)

to himself that he hadn't yet discovered her name ) suddenly emerged from behind the kitchen door next to the bar and began earnestly wiping down the circular redwood tables that were lined up along the back wall, a lofty show of cleanliness in anticipation of the forthcoming crowds. She smiled as she passed by his stool and David nodded a return hello. The smell of fresh cut pineapples followed her around the room. Under his wife's keen eye, Roger suddenly got busy polishing some neglected shot glasses that were piling up in the sink. David smiled and swigged his spicy beer.

Calico Jack's was conveniently situated within 'staggering distance' of the Sunset House Resort where he was staying for the week, here on the far western end of Grand Cayman Island. Genuine and unsullied with the crass Disney-like fakery of the pseudo-tropical bars that were attached directly to the resorts, Jack's was truly a native hangout. Locals actually spent their afternoons here, as they had been doing for nearly a hundred years. Yes, Calico Jack's had been alive and partying long before the mega-resorts had exploded onto this out-of-the-way little island that had become a sort of Mecca for scuba divers and holiday seekers from around the world. That explained how the bar had acquired such a seemingly impossible prime location snuggled among the multi-million dollar strip of wealthy beachfront hotel properties. It was grandfathered in!

And no amount of money had ever been able to dig ol' Roger or his father, who'd run the place for 45 years before him, out of this precious spot. Hell, why should he move? The resorts had brought an instant 1000% free increase in business. And bartending wasn't exactly back-breaking work. Where was he supposed to go and piss away the million bucks they'd waved under his nose anyway? He already was living in paradise.

Grand Cayman was itself the "largest" member of a rather isolated group of modest islands in the Caribbean sea -- technically not a part of either the windward or leeward chains like Barbados, Antigua or the Virgin Islands that were so familiar to global vacationers. Cayman was an old British protectorate -- hiding a little over four hundred miles due south of Miami and about halfway between Jamaica and the southern coast of Cuba. The sister islands of Little Cayman and Cayman Brac were about 90 miles to the east and accessible only by air shuttle, making it something of a special project to contemplate a visit. Not a problem, David hadn't budged from the western end of Grand Cayman since he'd arrived four days ago, and was only now beginning to realize that he probably wouldn't be venturing much farther for the rest of his two week stay. The mellow tropical hug of his new gilded lifestyle had swallowed him whole and he willingly let it. All his adventure plans were gradually vanishing into the hazy heat of the days and the sweaty steel beat of the nights.

Mrs. Roger finished up and returned to the kitchen. The two dozen or so red snappers readying in the broiler undoubtedly needed her attention. She was all towering hair and clattering jade bracelets as she airily swept past him, humming some unknown tune. Seeing that he was free at last, Roger abandoned the glasses in the sink and returned to his buddies... laughing and joking in their near-unintelligible island accents. They were staring out the beach-side window at something. David finished his Corona and tipped the bottle playfully in Roger's direction. The sturdy Cayman islander grabbed another from the cooler and opened it with a movement so deft it was hard to tell if it had actually happened or if David had only imagined it. He reached over and exchanged David's empty and somehow managed to slide a fresh napkin under the new bottle with more of the same bartender's aplomb that continued to fascinate him. David flipped him a five and waved off the change. Roger smiled, a clear acrylic replacement tooth shining like a lighthouse beacon from his upper palate.

"You should go out on de deck, Captn\.." Roger suggested in a smoke-worn, gruff voice, "much nicer breeze out there. The pelicans come in around dis time. Fun to watch." David was somewhat reluctant to move since his fun-tired ass had all but melted into the bar stool by now, but Roger seemed strangely insistent. "Go on, mon. Go git some fresh air. Too much smoke in here." His eyes sparkled. Suddenly catching on, David figured that Roger and his mates probably want some privacy in order to sneak in a few tokes before the wife returned from the kitchen. So, taking the hint, he nodded and casually began making his way towards the beachfront patio through the rear french doors. He slid aside a battered screen and stepped outside. The deck was about twenty by thirty feet of sun-bleached gray wood with little post tables scattered around, just enough to accommodate several drinks and a few sticky elbows. Wood railing, woven with fisherman's netting and some worn out dock rope, encircled the entire patio to keep the drunks from tumbling over the three foot drop onto the sand and suing Roger out of business.

He immediately saw her leaning against the far railing, looking out across the beach in the direction of the surf. Her floral print sundress was being tickled by the sea breeze into the gentlest of oscillations all down along her hemline. One leg was bent at the knee -- a corkwood pump sandal rocking back and forth off the end of her heel strap. Her hair was a dark red color that was exaggerated by the crimson light of the failing sun. It was cut in that shaggy high-fashion model style that David loved. Her profile was cherubic, cute. He felt his heart clutch up in his throat. Every once in a while a guy stumbles across that certain kind of look that really just does it for him. Well, he was looking straight at his "look" right now.

David was frozen in place. This was the kind of woman that really pissed him off in a way because she intimidated the hell out of him. The higher the stakes the greater the fear. And the biggest prize created the biggest stakes. He knew this was all just his own subjective interpretation of things, but that didn't make it any less real in his mind where it counted the most. In fact, it made it worse because his fear could very well seem puzzling to her. A lot of women couldn't "take their own temperature"... meaning that they were often unaware of just how powerful an effect they could have on certain men. It was very difficult to play it cool in these kinds of circumstances. What the hell should he do? Go back inside and stick his head in his beer or hang out here and maybe take a run at it? Shit. Can you say nerve-wracking?

He had to remember that the only way to do this right was to just make a game of it and not try to imagine any specific outcome, otherwise the pressure would be too great and he would come off like an asshole and make a fool of himself... every man's deepest dread. She was probably on vacation like he was and just kicking back, no worries, no expectations. A perfect state to be approached by a friendly, flirtatious guy, right? Women love being hit on as long as the guy shows a little class and doesn't come on like a desperate freight train. He figured he should at least give it a shot. If nothing else it would make a fine memory for the two of them to carry home.

David took note of the fact that she was wearing a small shell necklace that she might've picked up locally -- a good complimenting point. There was a volleyball game going on about thirty yards down the beach that she seemed to be casually watching, another conversation topic that might get things started. There wasn't much else going on around them to dig into, except for the beautiful sunset that was gathering impetus out over the Caribbean Sea. In the tropics, though, gorgeous sunsets were a dime a dozen and not really noteworthy. Unless it was your first day in paradise.

David took a deep breath and steadied himself. Did he need another beer? No, the head was still in the neck of the bottle. That was plenty and he didn't want to start getting sloppy and stupid anyway. Maybe later. He deftly maneuvered himself into position along the edge of her field of vision and pretended to take an interest in the volleyball game. There was only one other couple on the patio but they were seated at a table near the back door of the bar and engrossed in conversation, unaware of David and this very pretty girl. He casually turned in her direction and almost on cue she looked his way and caught his eye. Without thinking he smiled at her and she did the same. "Whew... good reflex!"he thought to himself. The last thing he would've need was to lock up into a panicked fear face.

But now he had only moments to act! Once the first acknowledgment of each other had been made, he knew there was only a brief opportunity to make a move or she would be able to sense his timidity... and that wasn't good. Confident men seized the lucky breaks life dealt them without hesitation, and he knew that this alone could be a powerful turn-on to many women. David's heart was racing. If he thought about it for too much longer he would freeze up and not be able to say anything. Already his critical judgement was beginning to tighten around his brain like a heavy noose, squeezing the life out of his wit and courage. The eye contact and trade of smiles had short-circuited the luxury of taking his sweet time and pondering the situation to death. He could already feel the pregnant moment beginning to slip through his fingers like the blonde beach sand piled up all around them. This was not the kind of stress he needed on his vacation. Perhaps he should've done a few shots of that Yamacn' rum after all.

"Hi," he heard himself say, almost like he was listening to a recording off the radio. She tilted her head and tossed him an innocent, unassuming little smile that pretty much consummated the complete destruction of whatever higher brain function he may've had left. She was stunning. And friendly. He was surely gonna blow it.

"Hello," she responded casually. Like they were old friends.

"Looks like you've cornered your little piece of paradise..." David said in his friendly, guileless manner.

"Yes, it is beautiful. Like a painting" She had a cute, buttery voice.

He wrinkled his nose in feigned uncertainty. "I don't suppose a guy with a K-mart Hawaiian shirt fits into that painting very well..."

She threw her head back and laughed, then flashed him a pinch-lipped smile. "I shouldn't be one to talk," she says, grabbing the conch necklace and holding it up, "me with my K-mart beads!"

David chuckled and stepped closer, taking up a spot on the railing about six feet away. "Oh wow," he pretended to smack his head "and I was just about to ask if those were from Tiffany's in George Town. Thought they might be the genuine conch pearls." She giggled and shook her head. Did she get the joke? Conchs don't make pearls. Or maybe they did? Yikes. Maybe he better go back to biology class before making any more dumb jokes!

"Actually I found them on Cardinal street... in the local flea market, she said, coming to his rescue, "But they're just the cheap ones."

"They'll make a wonderful souvenir."

"Yes," she said pensively, "I suppose they will"

David turned to face her and introduced himself. As he shook her hand, he gave it a gentle little turn to the right so that her hand was above his just before he released and let it slide free. Her eyes sparkled. "I'm Nikki."

"Glad to meet you Nikki."

They exchanged a little bit of information about where they were both from. David had escaped the nasty core of a dread Buffalo winter by joining some business friends on a week's vacation, who were graciously putting him up at their villa on Jackson Point. It turned out that Nikki hailed from nearby Pennsylvania and was staying at a local resort.

"So how have you been spending most of your time here?" he asked her, "hanging out on the beach?"

"Actually, I've learned how to scuba dive..." she said, her eyes lit up with excitement.

"Oh that's cool," he responded, "I hear this place is a paradise for divers. That's all you see are dive shops and reef tours all over the place. I was half-tempted to walk into one the other day and sign up for one of their quickie courses... "

"That's what I did. It's not as scary as it looks. It's something I always wanted to try." Her hair seemed to sparkle in the fading sun. Her pale skin painted orange. David was having a hard time not just staring at her like a work of art.

"Was it one of those one-hour certifications?"

"Yes. You get some instruction in the pool to become familiar with the equipment and how to breathe correctly so that you don't hurt your lungs. Mostly you have to know to exhale whenever you rise to the surface, and how to clear you ears when you go down so that they don't pop. The rest of it is pretty easy."

"Did they take you out in the ocean?" he wondered.

"Oh yes! We went right over there," she pointed with her long slender arms out towards the falling sun, "to Annie's Reef, which is just about a half mile off shore. They took fifteen of us out on the Lazy Polly, you may've seen it... "

"Oh yeah I did... that 25 footer in the Jackson Marina right down the road. Those are dive boats?" David asked. He turned to face her and stepped closer along the rail. She mirrored his movement with a casual and friendly ease.

"Yes. Many of them. The dive shop owns three of them I think."

"The reef dive must have been cool... "

"It was awesome." her deep brown eyes drove deep into his soul, "it was like being inside a gigantic aquarium. The fish were all different colors, and many of them were striped. We saw a school of giant blue angelfish that were about a foot long, and a couple of small lemon sharks. I touched one of them."

"The shark?" he gasped.

She nodded and put her hands in front of her mouth. "On the tail fin. I don't know what made me do it. I just wanted to know what it felt like. I was afraid it was going to turn around and bite me, but it didn't... thank God!"

David laughed. "Sounds like quite an adventure for your first dive."

Nikki then went on to describe how breathtaking the ancient coral forests were, and how the clear ocean water gave the illusion that you didn't even feel as though you were down very deep, although they had been as far below the surface as fifty feet at one point.

"There's a few shipwrecks not far from here that you can dive on too, so I've heard anyway..." David said. Mrs. Roger passed by the door and David motioned for her to bring them another Corona and a glass of white Zin for Nikki.

"Yes, the Balboa and another one, I forget what it's called."

"The Cale, or something like the that?"

"The Cali! It's an old Mexican freighter I think," she replied. They held eyes for a long moment until Roger's wife stepped between them with a tray and their drinks. David paid and tipped her generously. Nikki thanked him and insisted she could pay for her own, but David wouldn't hear of it. The issue was dropped immediately and their conversation about the local dive spots continued for a few minutes longer.

They watched the sun swell into a red, oblong ball and shimmy its way down into the aquamarine sea. In silence they shared this magnificent visual dreamscape. "Gone to west," David finally said, mimicking Elmer Fudd's silly voice. Nikki giggled at his playful stab at a turn of childish humor.

From that point on, everything that happened seemed almost magical. She reached over and touched the back of his hand for just a second or two while describing a small fight that had broken out between two of the guys they were watching play volleyball farther down the beach. Evidently everything had worked out alright because the guys were on the same team now, laughing and kidding around. When David looked out and described the pair of clouds that were hanging perfectly still over the still-blazing horizon as looking like a pair of radiant ocean liners, he turned to see her gazing at him with her head slightly tilted coyly to one side. Like a painting.

Their conversation continued for nearly another hour as the twilight faded into the soft tropical evening. It remained upbeat and interesting, not too personal, and not too self-revelatory. David kept them focused in the present with the goal of creating a warm memory of this moment that perhaps they would both be able to keep forever. He surely would. His tone of delivery was soft and flirtatious, a slight pause hanging before every response to her many questions about him. There was a kind of a laid-back lethargy to his words that Nikki soon experienced to be hypnotic. Even his movements had somehow become fascinating to watch.

Made comfortable by the ease with which they were seeming to connect, Nikki suggested that they take a walk down the beach to where some friends of hers were having a clambake.

"Over where that bonfire is going?" David asked, pointing.

She nodded. "That's them."

They turned to face each other. Surrendering to an urge that he made no attempt to control any longer, he reached over and brushed a strand of her auburn hair aside and looped it back over her ear. She smiled at him and looked down, softly... like a dream. They set their empty drinks aside and made their way towards the rear entrance of the bar. It was a different world than the one David had left only what?... was it two hours ago already? Whatever. The place was filling up with boisterous tourists and the air was split with the hammering thump of steel reggae coming from the eight speakers that encircled the perimeter of the room. He spotted Roger and his friends still hanging out at their private corner of the bar, smoking thick, foul cigars and drinking shots of rum.

"Hold on one second Nikki," David shouted to her above the din. He drove his way through the crowd towards Roger, pulled a $20 dollar bill from his wallet as he approached and palmed it down onto the bar in front of him. Roger raised an eyebrow, his plastic tooth glinting like a sapphire in the hollow glow of a nearby Budweiser sign.

"One good tip deserves another," David told him.

Roger glanced at the bill and laughed. "Gets mighty cold in Buffalo dis time of year, Captn'. Come back and visit me one more time before you leave, right?"

David nodded, "Sure will."

As David and Nikki walked past the feisty Calico Jack on their way to the beach, the battered old macaw cackled and whistled his avian farewell.

Outside again, the night air clung to them like sweet honey. A gentle sea breeze made Nikki's sundress dance like a billowing cloud in the old pale mercury streetlight. David reached for her hand, making a hook of his index finger. They met halfway and locked fingers as they set off down the beach, guided by the billowing bonfire in the distance. Beckoning them towards... who could say for sure?

In the east, looking out across the far side of Cayman island in the direction of Africa, an orange, surreal-looking three-quarter moon had just cleared the horizon on the start of its timeless arc across the night sky.

On Closer Examination...

Alright, now that you've suffered through my humble little attempt at a Harlequin romance story, let's briefly run through the essay once more -- only this time annotated in a way that I hope will demonstrate a few simple lessons in the art of seduction. This innocuous bit of fiction has been deliberately loaded with many of the crucial elements necessary to create a great first approach and conversation by the main character, David. It sets the stage perfectly for a complete seduction, if he were to choose to pursue it with that ultimate goal in mind. (Alas, we'll never know... since it was just a "day in the life of..." sort of deal). That's okay, because I wrote Cayman Magic not so much to entertain as to teach.

So let's go ahead and dissect this story right now to get a better understanding of the logic behind David's actions and Nikki's reactions. I've focused on depicting the "pickup" phase of the seduction because that's the part that gives guys like us the most trouble, and the reason why so many of us fail to ever make any headway with women. The opening first third of the story is just fluff to set up the situation and the tropical setting, so we'll skip ahead to the part where David first sees Nikki standing on the patio deck of Calico Jack's and is debating with himself whether or not to approach her. You know too well this agonizing moment or fear and uncertainty, I'm sure.

What I'll do now is reprint the story and insert my comments and annotations in blue block letter text after each segment that requires further explanation of the characters' motives and responses. I want you to see how this story is really nothing more than an example of how many of the concepts in this book would play themselves out in an actual real life interaction between two people.

Similar situations that, hopefully, you too will find yourself engaged in very soon!

David was frozen in place. This was the kind of woman that really pissed him off in a way because she intimidated the hell out of him. The higher the stakes the greater the fear. And the biggest prize created the biggest stakes. He knew this was all just his own subjective interpretation of things, but that didn't make it any less real in his mind where it counted the most. In fact, it made it worse because his fear could very well seem puzzling to her. A lot of women couldn't "take their own temperature"... meaning that they were often unaware ofjust how powerful an effect they could have on certain men. It was very difficult to play it cool in these kinds of circumstances. What the hell should he do? Go back inside and stick his head in his beer or hang out here and maybe take a run at it? Shit. Can you say nerve-wracking?

He had to remember that the only way to do this right was to just make a game of it and not try to imagine any specific outcome, otherwise the pressure would be too great and he would come off like an asshole and make a fool of himself... every man's deepest dread. She was probably on vacation like he was and just kicking back, no worries, no expectations. A perfect state to be approached by a friendly, flirtatious guy, right? Women love being hit on as long as the guy shows a little class and doesn't come on like a desperate freight train. He figured he should at least give it a shot. If nothing else it would make a fine memory for the two of them to carry home.

Remember what I said about the power of assuming? Assuming is the cornerstone of the kind of powerful male attitude that is required to make a killer first impression with any woman. The whole concept of attitude, in turn, centers around the notion of empowering mental belief systems vs. disempowering belief systems. If you fill your head with disempowering thoughts and beliefs, i.e., I'm too short, she probably has a boyfriend, I'm not her type, she's probably just waiting for her girlfriends to show up and party with her, I don't know what to say that would sweep her away, etc. etc. -- you will absolutely clog your mind with negative confidence and paralyze yourself to take any type of action. Even a simple hello can become impossible to negotiate in this kind of depleted mental state. The resulting fear will protect you until the moment of opportunity safely slips away and you are free to continue walking around in your social shell again, which is exactly what your over-protective unconscious mind wishes to happen.

Well, your male power to act in the presence of an attractive woman flows from your ability to contain just the opposite sort of assumptions in your mind, empowering thoughts, in order to boost your confidence. I'm not talking about some kind of mental sleight of hand -- nor is self pep-talking a form of "cheating" (hell, having those sort of impossible rules lodged in your head are in fact themselves a form of disempowering mentality!). We need positive self talk to move us along in stressful moments when risk-taking is required in order to achieve a goal that has any real importance to us. For instance, if an upcoming job interview is causing you anxiety, you do what it takes to mentally prepare yourself, quell the fear, and then go do the damn interview. Whatever it takes to advance your career is fair game. Who cares what anybody else thinks? They do the same things, or worse.

So if there's no shame in adopting self-talk therapy to help yourself get past any other type of stressful situation in life, why shouldn't the same be true when preparing to approach an attractive women with romantic intent? This could turn out to be a life-altering event, and thus it is distressing -- and thus... well, you must do whatever it takes to get yourself up for the task instead of mentally self-sabotaging and tearing yourself down!

Some of the positive things that David could be saying to himself when wrestling with the idea of hitting on Nikki are: SHE HAS NO BOYFRIEND -(Appendix -- Pg 263)

SHE WANTS TO BE APPROACHED BY A MAN -- I'M AN ALRIGHT LOOKING GUY -- THERE'S NO PRESSURE -- FLIRT FOR FUN -- NO MEMORY -- NO SHAME. See? If he assumes all these things to be true, they will be reflected in his attitude and he will be giving off potent, non-verbal dominant male signals that will make him seem light-years more attractive to any woman. Same body, different attitude, vastly different results. Prepare yourself, but don't fall into the trap of over-thinking everything to death either or paralysis will set in and the opportunity to act will quickly disappear (which might be what you secretly wish to happen, so beware of your fear!)

David took note of the fact that she was wearing a small shell necklace that she might've picked up locally -- a good complimenting point. There was a pick-up volleyball game going on about thirty yards down the beach that she seemed to be casually watching, another conversation topic that might get things started. There wasn't much else going on around them to dig into, except the beautiful sunset that was gathering impetus out over the Caribbean Sea. In the tropics, though, gorgeous sunsets were a dime a dozen and not really noteworthy. Unless it was your first day in paradise.

Notice how, before charging in like a bull elephant, David spends a moment (despite his anxiety) carefully taking note of something either about her or their surroundings that he can either comment on or compliment her on. It is critical that you learn to think on your feet like this... your display of clever observation and pre-thought comes across as being very classy and is highly impressive. Nothing is more of a turn-off to women than some canned opening line that you obviously memorized out of some shitty "pick-up book" that you probably bought from one of my competitors! (Serves you right, you bastard... )

Your approach should 1) sound unrehearsed (a simple "hello" is best, really), 2) be relevant to your surroundings or the events going on around you (no clever "head scratchers"), and 3) be non-phoney sounding or contrived. Do not come on with some kind of fake personality, even if you're only joking. She might not "get" your lame attempt at humor. It's disrespectful and you will be instantly written off as a loser.

Your opening remark should be genuine, interesting, possibly complimentary (only one compliment uniquely targeted to her, not a "generic" compliment) sexually neutral, and set a positive tone for the following conversation. Being playfully flirtatious, creative and demonstrating a bit of clever humor doesn't hurt either, but don't overdo it... especially the humor aspect. You don't want to turn into a jokin' asshole at any cost! Spontaneity is definitely a High Status Male signal that is aimed straight into the dark caverns of her subconscious mind!

If all this sounds like a tall order, don't panic. It's easier to actually do than to read about -- just use your common sense. Flirt, but in a friendly way with no hard-driving goal "to score" obvious (but always keep an optimum outcome that you would like to achieve in the back of your mind). If you try to rush things and cut right to the chase ("You're hot!... How about your phone number baby?") you dishonor the steps of the seduction and are branded a loser. Now you've dug a hole you won't get out of.

David took a deep breath and steadied himself. Did he need another beer? No, the head was still in the neck of the bottle. That was plenty and he didn't want to start getting sloppy and stupid anyway. Maybe later. He deftly maneuvered himself into position along the edge of her field of vision and pretended to take an interest in the volleyball game. There was only one other couple on the patio but they were seated at a table near the back door of the bar and engrossed in conversation, unaware of David and this very pretty girl. He casually turned in her direction and almost on cue she looked his way and caught his eye. Without thinking he smiled at her and she did the same. "Whew... good reflex!" he thought to himself. The last thing he would've need was to lock up into a panicked fear face.

Remember how important it is to train yourself to catch her eye and not look away like your typical, low-status shy guy? You must practice this all the time with old people, dogs, or even those psychos at the morning bus stop if you have to in order for it to become a natural reflex. Have you practiced today? Then get busy! And don't forget to smile! (Okay, you are excused from having to smile at the bus stop psycho)...

But now he had only moments to act! Once the first acknowledgment of each other had been made, he knew there was only a brief opportunity to make a move or she would be able to sense his timidity, and that wasn't good. Confident men seized the lucky breaks life dealt them without hesitation, and he knew that this alone could be a powerful turn-on to many women. David's heart was racing. If he thought about it for too much longer he would freeze up and not be able to say anything. Already his critical judgement was beginning to tighten around his brain like a heavy noose, squeezing the life out of his wit and courage. The eye contact and trade of smiles had short- circuited the luxury of taking his sweet time and pondering the situation to death. He could already feel the pregnant moment beginning to slip through his fingers like the blonde beach sand piled up all around them. This was not the kind of stress he needed on his vacation. Perhaps he should've done a few shots of that Yamacn' rum after all.

Timing is everything! Especially at the opening bell. A pause of more than a few seconds and you have probably blown it. David knows that he has only a few seconds to act or the essential spontaneity of the moment will vanish. Any action he then takes afterward will seem to have come at the end of a long internal struggle with fear that will only serve to diminish his status in her eyes. If he hangs back without acting or comes on timidly and uncertainly he will be signaling *** Low Status Male *** loud and clear all over the place. What to do? ASSUME that she will like you and then act like it! Pretend in your mind that she's an old friend who will be happy to see you if you must. Lie to yourself. Anything. Act!

"Hi," he heard himself say, almost like he was listening to a recording off the radio. She tilted her head and tossed him an innocent, unassuming little smile that pretty much consummated the complete destruction of whatever higher brain function he may've had left. She was stunning. And friendly. He was surely gonna blow it.

"Hello," she responded casually. Like they were old friends.

"Looks like you've cornered your little piece of paradise..." David said in his friendly, guileless manner.

"Yes, it is beautiful. Like a painting" She had a cute, buttery voice.

He wrinkled his nose in feigned uncertainty. "I don't suppose a guy with a K-mart Hawaiian shirt fits into that painting very well..."

She threw her head back and laughed, then flashed him a pinch-lipped smile. "I shouldn't be one to talk," she says, grabbing the conch necklace and holding it up, "me with my K-mart beads!"

David chuckled and stepped closer, taking up a spot on the railing about six feet away. "Oh wow," he pretended to smack his head "and I was just about to ask if those were from Tiffany's in George Town. Thought they might be the genuine conch pearls." She giggled and shook her head. Did she get the joke? Conchs don't make pearls. Or maybe they did? Yikes. Maybe he better go back to biology class before making any more dumb jokes!

David makes use of his prior observation of her necklace to get her talking about herself a little... maybe not in the smoothest way possible, but in real life that's how it goes sometimes. You can't make everything come out perfect like a Hollywood script. The trick is to stay light on your feet and keep things moving forward as best you can.

She knows that this is a stressful time for you and will cut you some slack as long as you don't veer straight into a wall and say something patently offensive. Don't obsess about any small goof-ups, just roll right over them and keep talking. Remember, what you say will be almost instantly forgotten anyway... it's how you say it -- your attitude, your assumptions -- that she's subliminally picking up on. She's looking for clues of where you grade out on the male dominance scale.

David also keenly swerves away from getting too stupid with the jokes.

"Actually I found them on Cardinal street... in the local flea market, she said, coming to his rescue, "But they're just the cheap ones."

"They'll make a wonderful souvenir."

"Yes," she said pensively, "I suppose they will"

David turned to face her and introduced himself. As he shook her hand, he gave it a gentle little turn to the right so that her hand was above his just before he released and let it slide free. Her eyes sparkled. "I'm Nikki."

"Glad to meet you Nikki."

Ah ha! The Handshake Trick! Got back to Chapter 3 page 55 and review it right now.

They exchanged a little bit of information about where they were both from. David had escaped the nasty core of a dread Buffalo winter by joining some business friends on a week's vacation, who were graciously putting him up at their villa on Jackson Point. It turned out that Nikki hailed from nearby Pennsylvania and was staying at a local resort.

"So how have you been spending most of your time here?" he asked her, "hanging out on the beach?"

Get a Life Line!

Notice how David asks an open-ended question (one that can't be answered with a simple yes or no and thus bring the conversation to a screeching halt) and then LISTENS carefully to her response. If she gives him some clue as to what is interesting and exciting to her in her life at this moment, does he roll right over it and start to brag about what a great guy he is and how many rich friends he has and how bright and shiny his new Corvette is?... NO! David picks up on the clue and turns the conversation in that direction. He draws her out and shows some genuine interest in what she's into. In this case, he's soon to discover that it's Nikki's new found enjoyment of scuba diving.

People love to talk about themselves, and are endeared to anyone who shows any little bit of interest in the things that make up their world.

The key here is genuine interest... if your approach seems like that of a slick phoney who's just pretending to be interested in what a girl's saying in order to get into her pants, she'll pick up on that sort of bullshit in a heartbeat and shut your ass down just as fast. Consider yourself officially rejected. You can leave and go home now.

Instead, demonstrate your legitimate interest by lingering on the subject for awhile and asking a series of relevant follow-up questions. Bring some of your own views or curiosities into the discussion... don't just stand there like a mindless slug with a '1000 yard stare' and drool trickling down the corner of your mouth. You may be attracted to her body, but you must be interested in her persona in order to trigger the processes in her brain that will get her to consider you as potential mating material. This process cannot be induced with lewd comments or canned, obviously fake, hypnotic pick-up "lines".

How long do you listen? Allow the topic completely exhaust itself naturally before moving on.

Then search for another LifeLine! That's right... let her do most of the actual talking if she's willing to. Let your moves and attitude communicate to her non-verbally the critical things that you want her to understand about the feelings you're having about her right now. Women are not like lunk-headed men who have to be smashed in the face with something before they get it... they think intuitively and tease all the hidden meanings out of the seemingly innocent expressions, attitudes and body postures of the people they encounter.

Especially the men who are coming on to them!

To summerize, the whole idea is to begin to make any degree of emotional connection with her, no matter how seemingly insignificant. You do this by seeking out common interests, goals and outlooks on Life. You need very few words for this job... but a lots of intelligent maneuvering of the conversation in the direction of a man-woman romantic context.

"Actually, I've learned how to scuba dive..." she said, her eyes lit up with excitement.

"Oh that's cool," he responded, "I hear this place is a paradise for divers. That's all you see are dive shops and reef tours all over the place. I was half-tempted to walk into one the other day and sign up for one of their quickie courses..."

"That's what I did. It's not as scary as it looks. It's something I always wanted to try." Her hair seemed to sparkle in the fading sun. Her pale skin painted orange. David was having a hard time not just staring at her like a work of art.

"Was it one of those one-hour certifications?"

"Yes. You get some instruction in the pool to become familiar with the equipment and how to breathe correctly so that you don't hurt your lungs. Mostly you have to know to exhale whenever you rise to the surface, and how to clear you ears when you go down so that they don't pop. The rest of it is pretty easy."

"Did they take you out in the ocean?" he wondered.

"Oh yes! We went right over there," she pointed with her long slender arms out towards the falling sun, "to Annie's Reef which is just about a half mile off shore. They took fifteen of us out on the Lazy Polly, you may've seen it..."

David maintains an unassuming and captivated attitude towards her throughout their conversation. He projects no tendency towards having any sort of ulterior motive. Sure he's interested in meeting and talking with her, but why not? She's a pretty girl, and no dominant male makes excuses or apologies for his desires as a man.

He just strives to express them in a most classy, impressive way!

Nikki might've been a bit nervous at the outset of their encounter, but David's limited stabs at humor and his choice of interesting (to her) conversation topics have diffused away much of her anxiety... and very subtly endeared him towards her. He's also being careful not to say anything socially offensive or sexually callus, which can easily burst the delicate bubble of trust that's already begun to develop between them. Women are super keen on trust, it's a monster issue with them. Its one of the first things they start to evaluate when any kind of potentially romantic/sexual situation presents itself to them. That's the reason why it's so difficult to operate in a bar or nightclub setting -- the women are all immediately distrustful of the motives of most of the men they meet, and you have to fight your way through this barrier of mistrust in order to make any progress with them.

Famous guys ( because women feel they already "know" them from their source of notoriety i.e., movies, rock songs, athletic achievements, etc. ) and rich guys ( the women don't care what kind of scumbags they might be, they're just after the wealthy lifestyle if they can get it ) I believe do the best in these high pressure social settings. All the rest of us everyday ordinary chumps start out in a deep hole of distrust and have to "prove" our way out of it. I hate bars and nightclubs myself, they suck.

(NOTE: The fictional scenario I'm presenting here is significantly different because David and Nikki are in a strange land without the meat market aspect of the usual hometown bar scene going on all around them. Plus they are pretty much alone on the patio -removing the distractions of other, "more beautiful" people constantly parading themselves around in front of them. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, ya know? What I've described here is actually a perfect 1 on 1 kind of situation that you should always be on the lookout for)

Also remember that you don't need to hammer a woman with blatant sexual comments in order to communicate your amorous interest to her. Trust me, she knows. Yet some men are so afraid of being misinterpreted as a "buddy-buddy wimp" that they'll risk making complete fools of themselves with lewd commentary just to insure that a woman doesn't catagorize them as some nice guy or a friend. While their desire to stay out of the "friends zone" at all costs is laudable, their method of achieving it is so ham-handed that it destroys any real chance of seduction with all but the most sluttiest types of women who will often fall for a very brazen come-on. I'm assuming that you'll eventually want to do better than that, right?

The classy way to demonstrate your sexual interest in a woman is with non-verbal cues (deep eye contact, tonally modulated voice, mirrored body movements, etc.) and brief, inoffensive touches. In the game of seduction, women read between the lines (i.e., your attitudes and the underlying assumptions that you hold about yourself which create them) in order to get a sense of a man's dominant male status, and thus, his attractiveness. Inappropriately premature dirty talk is a clear low status signal to her. It screams: "...Hey, get a load of me baby, I know all about how to have hot sex with a woman, even though I know I don't look like it..." A truly sexy, dominant male knows he projects plenty of sex appeal to women (with his attitude!) and therefore doesn't have to go around broadcasting it like a complete asshole.

"Oh yeah I did... that 25 footer in the Jackson Marina right down the road. Those are dive boats?" David asked. He turned to face her and stepped closer along the rail. She mirrored his movement with a casual and friendly ease.

"Yes. Many of them. The dive shop owns three of them I think."

"The reef dive must have been cool... "

"It was awesome." her deep brown eyes drove deep into his soul, "it was like being inside a gigantic aquarium. The fish were all different colors, and many of them were striped. We saw a school of giant blue angelfish that were about a foot long, and a couple of small lemon sharks. I touched one of them."

"The shark?" he gasped.

She nodded and put her hands in front of her mouth. "On the tail fin. I don't know what made me do it. I just wanted to know what it felt like. I was afraid it was going to turn around and bite me, but it didn't... thank God."

David laughed. "Sound like quite an adventure for your first dive."

Nikki then went on to describe how breathtaking the ancient coral forests were, and how the clear ocean water gave the illusion that you didn't even feel as though you were down very deep, although they had been as far below the surface as fifty feet at one point.

"There's a few shipwrecks not far from here that you can dive on too, so I've heard anyway..." David said. Mrs. Roger passed by the door and David motioned for her to bring them another Corona and a glass of white Zin for Nikki.

"Yes, the Balboa and another one, I forget what it's called."

"The Cale, or something like the that?"

"The Cali! It's an old Mexican freighter I think," she replied. They held eyes for a long moment until Roger's wife stepped between them with a tray and their drinks. David paid and tipped her generously. Nikki thanked him and insisted she could pay for her own, but David wouldn't hear of it. The issue was dropped immediately and their conversation about the local dive spots continued for a few minutes longer.

They watched the sun swell into a red, oblong ball and shimmy its way down into the aquamarine sea. In silence they shared this magnificent visual dreamscape. "Gone to west," David finally said, mimicking Elmer Fudd's silly voice. Nikki giggled at his playful stab at a turn of childish humor.

Once you've got some degree of familiarity and connection established between the two of you, a little bit of goofy humor is okay. But don't lead off with it! She doesn't know you yet. Are you just kidding, or are you an asshole? How's she supposed to know? She doesn't, so only use humor as a spice. Save your routine for Letterman.

From that point on, everything that happened seemed almost magical. She reached over and touched the back of his hand for just a second or two while describing a small fight that had broken out between two of the guys they were watching play volleyball farther down the beach. Evidently everything had worked out alright because the guys were on the same team now, laughing and kidding around. When David looked out and described the pair of clouds that were hanging perfectly still over the still-blazing horizon as looking like a pair of radiant ocean liners, he turned to see her gazing at him with her head slightly tilted coyly to one side. Like a painting.

Their conversation continued for nearly another hour as the twilight faded into the soft tropical evening. It remained upbeat and interesting, not too personal, and not too self-revelatory. David kept them focused in the present with the goal of creating a warm memory of this moment that perhaps they would both be able to keep forever. He surely would. His tone of delivery was soft and flirtatious, a slight pause hanging before every response to her many questions about him. There was a kind of a laid-back lethargy to his words that Nikki soon experienced to be hypnotic. Even his movements had somehow become fascinating to watch.

Made comfortable by the ease with which they were seeming to connect, Nikki suggested that they take a walk down the beach to where some friends of hers were having a clambake.

Very interesting. Made comfortable, a woman will frequently take the lead in pushing a new relationship along to it's next logical level. Recall what I said before about escalation (Chap. 6, Pg. 156) and how important it is that every seduction hit its mark and keep moving along or risk grinding to a complete halt? You must escalate before the phase that you're presently in gets too stale -- but at the same time you must display the patience, and the respect, to experience all of the steps in their proper order (eye contact ; smiling ; teasing and flirting ; first words ; interested & safety issues ; open ended questions ; exchange of names ; sincere compliments ; connecting common interests through conversation ; humor ; eye reading & establishing rapport ; minor self-revelation ; touching ; gazing ; mirroring ; asking for contact information or making a date, etc.) or risk provoking her scorn!

Guys fuck up big time when they deliberately skip over these highly important seduction steps simply because they think the whole thing is bullshit. But when we fail to honor the process of seduction, most every woman is eventually turned off. Why? Because if you show her that you're too impatient to even bother seducing her properly, she knows you're probably going to start taking her for granted too soon after you start getting laid. Condescending to romance is right up there (actually, right down there) with acting like a phoney-baloney fake on the first date -- which clearly demonstrates a willingness to use deception and lies to get what you want, a poor character red flag if ever there was one. THIS IS HOW GUYS GET THEIR ASS REJECTED!

Instead, David's "laid back" sex appeal and High Status Male confidence suggests the perfect mix of empathy ( good listening skills, genuine interest ) and ego drive ( no attempt to apologize for his male drives and desires ) that a woman loves to see in a man. Things progress in their proper order with no skipped steps, no impatience, and (imagine this... ) no stalling out for fear of rejection either!

The careful pace of seduction is in itself a form of hypnotic suggestion that places Nikki into a kind of trance... where she willingly submits to David's gentle advances.

"Over where that bonfire is going?" David asked, pointing.

She nodded. "That's them."

Notice that David does NOT suggest going back into the bar for more drinks, instead of meeting up with her friends at the clambake where she's more likely to lose her undivided focus on him. That's because this type of tired, worn-out old "get-her-hammered" ploy triggers all sorts of emotionally-charged, potentially negative dating associations that can break the aura of connectedness that's beginning to grow between them... real fast. This time it's different -- David is not the insecure and jealous type but open to letting her express herself, and that intrigues her into hanging out with him for a while longer, if for nothing more than merely to see what comes next. Mystery, grasshopper... Mystery!

They turned to face each other. Surrendering to an urge that he made no attempt to control any longer he reached over and brushed a strand of her auburn hair aside and looped it back over her right ear. She smiled at him and looked down, softly... like a dream.

Don't forget the power of touch! Even just innocently touching her hair can be enough to turn loose a cascade of emotions that will leave the two of you measurably closer after a mere instantaneous event. Keep the touch brief, and pick a moment that feels just right. Don't rush it before it would be welcome. Timing is everything with this powerful escalation.

They set their empty drinks aside and made their way towards the rear entrance of the bar. It was a different world than the one David had left only what?... was it two hours ago already? Whatever. The place was filling up with boisterous tourists and the air was split with the hammering thump of steel reggae coming from the eight speakers that encircled the perimeter of the room. He spotted Roger and his friends still hanging out at their private corner of the bar, smoking thick, foul cigars and drinking shots of rum.

"Hold on one second Nikki," David shouted to her above the din. He drove his way through the crowd towards Roger, pulled a $20 dollar bill from his wallet as he approached and palmed it down onto the bar in front of him. Roger raised an eyebrow, his plastic tooth glinting like a sapphire in the hollow glow of a nearby Budweiser sign.

"One good tip deserves another," David said.

Roger glanced at the bill and laughed. "Gets mighty cold in Buffalo dis time of year, Captn'. Come back and visit me one more time before you leave, right?"

David nodded, "Sure will."

As David and Nikki walked past the feisty Calico Jack on their way to the beach, the battered old macaw cackled and whistled his avian farewell.

Outside again, the night air clung to them like sweet honey. A gentle sea breeze made Nikki's sundress dance like a billowing cloud in the old pale mercury streetlight. David reached for her hand, making a hook of his index finger. They met halfway and locked fingers as they set off down the beach, guided by the billowing bonfire in the distance. Beckoning them towards... who could say for sure?

In the east, looking out across the far side of Cayman island in the direction of Africa, an orange, surreal-looking three-quarter moon had just cleared the horizon on the start of its timeless arc across the night sky.

Being engaged with others and having a social circle is also comforting to women. It makes you seem "normal", as though you have a stake in Life (you do, don't you?). That's why it's no crime to change your focus for a moment now and then to chat with friends or acquaintances, so long as it doesn't turn into your completely ignoring her for any undo length of time.

So there you have it. My imagining of how a cool, classy first encounter with a woman would go off in a perfect world. Of course, the world is far from perfect, and all sorts of things could've gone wrong with this picture. In reality, Nikki could've been uninterested in meeting David for any number of reasons... she might've been engaged or married, or had personal problems that were holding her imprisoned in a foul mood. Or maybe David just might've been her "anti-type" -- the kind of guy whose looks just turned her off no matter how otherwise charming her might behave. In other words, there are many, many factors that could've caused David to be rejected that were (and will always remain) completely out of his control.

Why is this concept so important? Because you must always keep in the very front of your mind that it's extremely important to score yourself on your performance, which is totally under your control, and NOT on all the various X-factors like those I just listed above which are not under your control. In other words, if you try your best to do everything that you can to present yourself as a dignified, dominant male, then you have no right to beat yourself up if the results of the approach do not go off as you would've liked them to. So endeavor to become as skilled as you can at those things about your attitude and actions that give you the best chance to succeed with women, and release yourself from bearing any responsibility for those aspects of the seduction which no one has any control over. Remember, it takes two to tango... she has to be willing to meet you halfway or the seduction will never get off the ground.

Study this story carefully whenever you need a quick refresher -- it demonstrates an ideal example of how you can best hold up your end of the deal. Acting under the assumption that she will respond favorably to your advances is the single most important thing to recognize and will minimize your chances of rejection greatly, as long as you remember to play the role of the dominant male and bring all those particular behaviors to the table every time that you work a flirt.

Beyond that you have no absolute control over any woman's reaction to you. You can attempt to guide and influence her with all the things you've learned to do in this book, but there are always limits to the psychological persuasion that any man can bring to bear no matter how clever or powerful he thinks he is.

Any man can always be rejected by the whim of a woman, no matter how overwhelming his persona or charm. As long as you always remember to score your performance and not her reaction, you can hold your head high and move on to your next seduction and eventual conquest.

Was this article helpful?

0 0
Simplify And Destress

Simplify And Destress

Get All The Support And Guidance You Need To Be A Success At Destressing. This Book Is One Of The Most Valuable Resources In The World When It Comes To Changing Your Habits To Cut The Stress And Be Happier!

Get My Free Ebook


Post a comment