There are a couple of gestures in the seductive dance that cultural convention insists men must always be the first ones to initiate. The most difficult "gesture" of course is the one that lies central to all our problems with women... i.e., being the first one to have to speak up and say something, and thus revealing our (shameful) interest in her and (shameful) need for affection. However, there is a second action which is equally as crucial... one that you may not fully grasp the importance of, possibly because you've never gotten this far! The critical action of which I now speak is the delivery of the superb first kiss.
The romance novel / chick-flick movie industry is built up around the secret longings that all women harbor to be kissed in a way that makes them weak in the knees. Kissed by a man who is taking the daring chance to escalate their relationship at just the right moment! Men don't ordinarily attach any special significance to a first kiss, (other than praying that we're not going to get rejected this close to getting her in the sack)! For us it's regarded as little more than some of the pre-game maneuvering we have to do. This is another great example ofjust how vastly dissimilar the brains of men and women are when it comes to seduction, and how having a keen understanding of these differences is what can give you the tools to separate yourself from all the other simple-minded chumps out there taking up space in the field.
For a woman, the first kiss is always memorable... whether it was her first kiss ever (when she was a teenager) or the first kiss she had with a guy who eventually became her boyfriend or husband. Though she will perform some rather shocking sex acts on most any perfect stranger who comes along with enough cash in his hand, no prostitute will ever allow a "john" to actually kiss her. That's because even a whore views kissing as something far more intimate than actually blowing some horny slob! It all has to do with the Kiss being the pathway that leads to the act of true, emotionally meaningful sex. For any woman, sex can be just sex. Emotionally connected, meaningful sex is a whole other ballgame. Passage into this wonderful world for women comes only by way of the Passionate First Kiss.
As a master seducer, you must learn to exploit this aspect of the female psyche by doing all the little things that will make your First Kiss one that will knock her socks off . One that she'll remember forever. A great first kiss will place you on the glideslope to a hot sexual experience. In fact, she will actually take over the seduction from you once you've passed the final test of the First Kiss. More about this later in the final segment of this chapter. For now, let's examine what goes into the making of the knockout first kiss and exactly how a schlep like you can pull it off cleanly and seem like the master Don Juan of the Ages. First let me list the salient points that you must understand and then I'll discuss them all in finer detail:
• You must lay the proper groundwork before attempting the First Kiss by developing a deep sense of emotional connectedness with a woman. No 'stolen' kisses, or the entire seduction is ruined!
• You must read her cues properly, and then boldly seize the moment to deliver the First Kiss. No fumbling uncertainty allowed!
• That moment must seem to be spontaneous and thus romantic.
• No wimpy pecks allowed! Save those for grandma!
• Do not ask for permission to kiss her. Just do it!
• No groping! Buttery lips, but no forced tongue!
• Follow up quickly the next day to keep the momentum headed towards the bedroom.
You must lay the proper groundwork before attempting the First Kiss by developing a deep sense of emotional connectedness with a woman. If you spring a first kiss suddenly on her without having first created a sense of connection that makes the kiss seem like the next logical move in the relationship, the kiss will be a total flop and the seduction will be all but dead in the water. The first kiss is a pivotal moment in a seduction that's very much like a pre-sexual climax, and it must occur as a sort of climax to what should be a growing sense of excitement and passion flowing between the two of you. Whatever you do, don't waste the first kiss on her before that incredible sense of connection has been built!
She understands the importance of the first kiss, and you must not treat it as though it's no big deal or you will soon be no big deal. Play the game of seduction properly and she will be mesmerized by your actions, especially if you keep things flowing right along at a reasonable pace. The first kiss acts as a major point of escalation and cannot occur until you've already gone as far as you can go building closeness with her through conversation and shared experiences. At that point you must escalate to the next level and the passionate kiss is the way to do it. She understands that the kiss must happen when the time is right, and will accept your challenge to move forward to the next level. If you've done the foundation laying first, there is almost no chance of rejection at this point. Things have moved along too far, too perfectly.
You must read her cues properly, and then boldly seize the moment to deliver the (Ch. 6 -- Pg. 190)
First Kiss. During no other phase of the seduction is the timing so critical. There are two facets to this problem, 1) you must read her cues properly so as to know when she's ready for the kiss, and 2) once you get the signal you have to seize the moment and do it... if you choke and get cold feet and fail to kiss her when the moment is ripe YOU'VE BLOWN IT AND YOU'RE DEAD!
I want to drum this point home into your thick skull one more time because this is a serious issue... if you don't boldly take action when the her signals are clear that she is ready to be kissed, the seduction is over and you've lost. Just like that you will left with a cold fish or another 'friend'. There is no going back and recovering if you miss the moment to lay the First Kiss on her. Pound this into your brain because it's super important... NO - GOING - BACK!!!
One of the worst signs of low male status is timidity displayed in the face of a female who is beginning to signal sexual submission. Failing this test tells her that you are not a man and that whatever thoughts she may've entertained about you as a potential lover were all wrong.
Want a male equivalent? It's as if a hot sexy chick suddenly swelled into a 300 pound fatso right before your eyes! You would instantly be aghast and immediately lose all sexual interest in her, right? Well, that's what you look like to her when you wimp out of the perfect moment for the First Kiss!
Of course a real-life woman swelling up to 300 pounds like a Road Runner cartoon is physically impossible so she's safe from having this sudden grotesque turn of events happen to her, but you're not! That's because a woman's attraction to a man is primarily psychological and not physical like it is for us. And unlike the physical world, our psychological appearance to her can change on a dime if we fail to effect the correct behaviors in the mating dance.
What are some of the signals that you should be watching for so you know when the time to act is near? Well, you should both be comfortably touching each other frequently and exchanging long periods of lingering eye contact (the so called 'copulatory gazing' that social scientists have identified as one of the preludes to sex in the human mating ritual), and there should be a bit of synchronization of your body movements and postures. The two of you should be locking wavelengths and mirroring each other both in terms of physical movements and thinking styles, emotional states, etc. This seems like a tall order when you read it written down like this, but I'm sure you'll have a sense of things just "feel" right to you. That is the moment at which you must strike!...
And that moment must seem to be spontaneous and thus romantic... do not let the ideal chance to demonstrate your growing feelings for her with a perfect First Kiss slip away or you will be kicking yourself in the ass forever! This is the most golden opportunity you will ever have to deepen the Trance of Romance that I talked about earlier in a very certain way. Women spend fanciful hours dreaming about the First Kiss -- and you can tap into this lifetime of preliminary hypnotic work she's done to herself by substituting yourself for the anonymous dream guy in her fantasies. Don't do too much first kiss pre-planning or the whole thing will seem phoney and contrived, which will ruin it for her. Be spontaneous and take a risk here, it will pay off big time for you.
No wimpy pecks allowed! Needless to say, one of the stupidest things you can do is pick the perfect moment to deliver the Kiss and then blow the technique of the kiss itself. How? By being too timid. If you dispense the kind of quick, antiseptic "peck" that you would give your grandma, your prospective lover will be horribly disappointed and you will have done irreversible damage to your chances of further seduction. This is no place to lose your nerve!
Here's a great way to handle the First Kiss... technically. I learned this from watching all those excellent old time movies. (This stuff never gets outdated so listen up!) When the time is right, reach up and touch her chin lightly with your fingertips. As an almost unconscious reaction, she with tilt her head back and part her lips in anticipation of your kiss. It's a total green light and open invitation! This really works, you'll be amazed. Now just lean in and kiss her, but do it like this... keep your mouth slightly open and your lips relaxed and buttery. No tensed lips (that's a goddamn peck!). Now let your soft lips just sink into hers and feel her melt into your body. This "tried and true" technique will produce a thrilling, truly memorable First Kiss for her... trust me. This technique dovetails right into all the romantic fantasies that she's had since she was a kid. It will cause all the best dreams and ideas that she's ever had about a romantic affair with a man to come rushing up and take control of her. And those dreams will have little ol' nerdy you at their focal point!
No groping... Butter lips, but no forced tongue! I just told you how to kiss her properly with "buttery" lips for maximum effect, but I want to make sure you get it right. This aspect of the seduction is important to understand thoroughly -- don't go forcing a sloppy french kiss into her mouth right away. Swapping spit is reserved for when you begin to move along into more passionate kissing. The First Kiss is the Romance Kiss. It's objective is to trigger all those unconscious mental associations she's been harboring ever since her a teenage years... a magical time spent watching love stories and reading romance novels by the dozens. You want to tap into these memories and link the good feelings they produce to YOU, then you become the source of them in her present reality. See how sneaky all this seduction can be if you're clever enough?
The First Kiss is the powerful opening kiss of the relationship which communicates to her in no uncertain terms that you are turned on by her and feel that your emotional connections have deepened to the point where your lust for her is now beginning to express itself (uncontrollably?) in a way that she's always fantasized about.
You are stepping deep into her exotic dreams now, this is amazing stuff! She almost has no control over her reactions to this kind of maneuvering on your part, it's like a role that she must play along with.
Do not ask for permission to kiss her. This is a major, earth-shattering mistake! When the time is right she will signal that your kiss is welcome. Whatever you do, don't break the Trance of Romance by asking for her permission to kiss her! Yikes!... this is a major passion killer. No dream lover in her fantasies ever asked her if it was okay to kiss her... how totally fuckin' lame! He just knew when the time was right and took her -- and you must now do the same. Play your role like an actor!
I kid you not, she has a script rolling around in her head of how this is all supposed to go down, and if you can be the one guy who matches her hidden fantasy with your real life actions, you will be "In Like Flint" and on your way to capturing her imagination in a breathlessly hypnotic way that's almost frightening. I have personally seen this happen -- the transformation from suspicious-hopeful woman to melted kitten is stunning to witness. Remember, all the really important communications of feelings and emotions that go on between a man and a woman are expressed non-verbally. Therefore...
...Actually speaking the words and admitting what you're doing is totally ruinous to your efforts and will completely break the Trance of Romance. This is a Jeffery Dahlmer-sized seduction killer! At this point, the time for words has passed... just shut the fuck up and do it!
Follow up quickly the next day to keep the momentum headed towards the bedroom. Call her no more than two days later (preferably the next day) and set up another get together. No acting coy and calmly disinterested now... you don't want her to cool off. You only want to allow her enough time to think about the incipient new relationship the two of you are growing, and for her to build you up in her mind for about a day or so. One unfocused afternoon of daydreaming at work should do the trick. She will literally hypnotize herself into your social-sexual influence. Remember what I said before... we fall in love while off on our own. The psychological state of "being in love" is molded in the crucible an internal, solitary process that happens when we're off by ourselves imagining and obsessing about the person who's been creating these feelings in us. That's how women have fallen in love all throughout history... by exchanging passionate love letters with men who were off at sea or at war. Today they use e-mail... Whatever!
For both men and women, falling in love is a self-actuating mental process that you merely have to trigger, and then step aside and allow to work for you on its own.
Then you move in and pick up the seduction again in the real world -- predicating your next actions carefully on her starry-eyed, more captivated, point of view.
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