Family member: Co-Worker:
After you use this technique on them, record their reactions. Did you notice how their response to you was more friendly than usual?
Now, try the SOFTENER technique on the next person you meet and record their reactions to you:
TAPE 2A: THE SECRET OF SMALL TALK
Discover the secrets of making charismatic conversation with new acquaintances, and why the first words out of your mouth are crucial. Includes a 4_point Small Talk Checklist to make sure you are on target with your opening words. Then learn the Secret of Small Talk to keep all your small talk appropriate and engrossing.
Some important points on small talk to remember
The secret of small talk is: It should be_
The most important factor to consider in making is small talk is the s______of what you are saying.
Like in music, in small talk, the r_____the m_____and the f______are more important than your words.
Whenever first meeting someone, let your s____and your b___
Concerning your first words, have the courage of your own t________
Technique #1: THE COMM_YOU_NICATION TECHNIQUE
Try to start as many sentences as you can with the magic little three-letter word,
Technique #2: THE RESIST THE "QUICK_ME_TOO" TECHNIQUE
Whenever you hear that you have something in common with your conversational partner, the longer you wait to reveal it, the more i________he or she will be.
THE SMALL TALK CHECKLIST Your very first words should be...
When talking with a stranger, make sure that your first words reveal everything you want from that person.
Try to make your first words relate to what is going on at the moment.
If you say anything unpleasant or disagree too early in your conversation with a new acquaintance, that is 100% of their impression of your total personality.
In your first conversation with a new acquaintance, agreement on small points often subliminally determines whether the conversation will continue or not
There are two kinds of people in this life. Those who walk into a room and say
"Well,______!" And those who walk in and say,
"Ah,___________!" You want to be one of the latter.
TAPE 2B: TRANSITION FROM SMALL TALK TO DEEPER TALK
Here are 6 techniques to shift from small talk into communication which is more engrossing and profound. Includes a linguistic trick to revive a conversation that is petering out, and another to uncover your conversational partners' hot buttons. Then learn a dozen rapport establishing phrases, and discover 2 unique methods of making a new acquaintance subconsciously feel like you are an old friend.
Technique #1: CHERRY PICKING
To make the conversation more interesting for your conversational partner, and to slide out of small talk, adjust the cherry picker in your ear. Listen for any a______, any d________, any d_________, or any mention of another p _
Technique #2: EMPLOY EMPATHIZERS
Make liberal use of simple, short, supportive statements like "I can understand how you felt about that." Or "You made a wise choice," or "I'm so happy for you." Write a few of your own empathizes here:
Asking about someone's job:
What is a good substitute phrase if you are hesitant to ask a new acquaintance, "What do you do?" Technique #3: THE MOOD MATCH
Before jumping into deeper conversation make a mood match. Take "p______p_________" of the other person to determine if they're in the mood to talk more meaningfully.
The sequence of going from small talk to deeper conversation.
Make sure your opening questions have a subtext of a_______
Technique #4: THE TREE TECHNIQUE
When you get stuck for good conversation, use the tree technique. Ask about a person's r____, their t____, their b_______, or their l_____.
The progression of appropriate conversation from its most shallow small talk to closer communication goes from:
2) Between acquaintances:_____
4) Between intimates: talk about___and__.
Technique #5: SIGNAL SCRAMBLING
To make new acquaintances subliminally feel like your friend, cut quickly to number above and use the discussion mode of intimates.
Technique #6: CAPTIONING
To make a new acquaintance feel like an old friend, develop a private joke (or even a pet name.) Whenever your conversational partner is telling a story, remember some part of it that they are________, and then refer to it later.
TAPE 3A: HOW TO SOUND LIKE AN INSIDER IN ANY CROWD
Arms you with 2 techniques to make stimulating conversation in any group of people no matter how little you have in common. The first gives you methods when you know in advance what type of people you'll be talking to. The other is for when you "go in cold" and need to talk intelligently with a diverse group of strangers.
Technique #1: CONVERSATION HOMEWORK
When you know the interests of the people you will be talking to, ask a friend who shares that interest about the i______i__b_______and the i h b .
Whenever discussing someone else's interests, it's important to throw out a l_____b___to show you are knowledgeable.
Technique #2: SCRAMBLE THERAPY
A technique when you don't you know the interests of the people you will be talking to: Once every three weeks do something totally out of your pattern to pick up the right words and the right questions to make you conversant in that interest for the rest of your life.
Scramble therapy not only involves doing lots of things just once. It also means: Occasionally reading a different n____
Turning to a different s______of your local________°
Ask your friends about any special insider's g_______in their interest.
TAPE 3B: MEGA REWARDS FOR MEGA°LISTENING
Introduces a unique approach to listening. Brings the difficult task of absorbing the speaker's messages to life and makes it fun. You'll learn to pick up every subtlety by listening like a translator listens, a dancer listens, a filmmaker listens, a psychiatrist listens, and finally like a lover listens. With the 4-Point Listening Checklist, you then uncover your conversational partner's hidden messages and learn to give responses aimed right at their heart.
The human mind is capable of thinking _ to _ times faster than the ear can listen.
The five filters that words go through from the time they leave the other person's mouth until they reach our brain:
We only up hearing about_% of what someone says.
The six ways to listen:
Listen like a translator: To make what your CP is clearer and more memorable, p_________what he or she is saying in your own mind.
Listen like a dancer. To express total empathy with your CP, become a w____b___l_______
Listen like afilm maker: Since we remember only 7% of what we hear, and 85% of what we see, turn what we hear into what we see by p________it like two little TV sets in front of our eyes.
Listen like a psychiatrist: Listen between the lines and ask yourself, how does my CP____about what he or she is saying.
Listen like a lover: Realize that often the point of having a conversation is simply To_________________
The four-point listening checklist.
While listening, ask yourself the WHEW questions.
TAPE 4A: HOW TO WORK A PARTY LIKE A POLITICIAN WORKS A ROOM
Gives you the 6 questions politicians and serious socializers ask themselves before going to a party. Learn how to meet the people you want, and then how to gracefully get into ° and out of ° conversations with them. Discover a technique to present yourself as a fascinating person when they ask you, "And what do you do?" Discover the one item you should wear to every party, and learn the best way to follow up on the important people you meet.
THE SIX°POINT PARTY CHECKLIST
Before going to a party, ask yourself the following questions:
W__is going to be there?
W___should I arrive?
W__is the party being given?
W____is the collective mind of the people at the party?
W___should I take to this particular party?
H__am I going to follow up on the people I've met at the party?
Why is it a mistake to head right for the refreshment table? Why is it a mistake to talk mostly with your friends at a party?
What is the simplest thing that both men and women are afraid to do in public if they don't know each other... but is the most effective way to meet people?
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