When I got divorced, I was so naive about courtship and dating. The radical changes that had taken place in The Dating Game were shocking. Women were so distrustful, so cynical and so unwilling to take my word for anything.
I didn't realize that nowadays women do not trust any man. It took me two years to accept that it was normal for a woman to test me to see if I measured up to her standards. Does this sound familiar?
Courtship is practiced by all species in which the male is a beggar, that is, the female does not instinctively and actively seek copulation.
It should, it's from the fourth chapter! Men, the key word is beggar. She has what you want, but every other man wants it too. Why should she give it to you? She knows nothing about you. Your intentions and sincerity are suspect. Your manliness is unknown. Your worthiness has yet to be determined.
Before she can be persuaded, a woman must be convinced that you're worthwhile. In short, she wants to know, "Is this guy a real man, or what?"
As explained in Courtship Tactics For Men, coming up, few women respect, or are attracted to, men who take crap. They see it as a sign of weakness and an indication they already have you.
But, it's always necessary to show interest. However, you must maintain the appearance of aloofness, otherwise she'll get around to you after she's tested the guys who do not chase her.
In bars, nightclubs, spas and other pick-up situations, a woman tests you almost immediately. In other settings, she might begin testing during the first conversation but usually waits until the second or third conversation.
She starts out by pretending not to be interested. You must prove your sincere interest. If you persist, mildly but briefly, she's convinced, for the moment, at least.
A conversation or so down the road, she wants to find out if you're a real man, so she rejects you gently to see how you handle it. If you get angry, she figures she's already got you, The End. You also fail when you act like a hurt, little boy. To prove your worth, you must react like a man. Walk away calmly and quietly as if it is no big deal. Do not utter a word. The unspoken message you send is, "I was slightly interested, but no longer."
She must come to you after this happens, or you must wait for time to pass. How much? Depends. On what? How good you are at reading her body language, her mood and her real motives.
Rejecting you strongly is her way of avoiding a situation she can't handle or you came on too strong.
Then again, she may think you're a jerk. It happens to us aS.
Move on, but take time after your ego heals to review the entire scenario from start to crash-and-
burn. Think about what you did wrong. Think about what you could have done differently. Want a guess? Before I get into that, take this side trip with me.
ASIDE ON SUBCONSCIOUS LEARNING
This is for both sexes. Want to learn from your mistakes? Want to make certain you don't commit the same errors again and again?
Immediately after you screw up, write down everything you did correctly and everything you did incorrectly. Later on when you can be truly objective, review your notes. Figure out what you wish you had done or said instead of what you did. Write that down beside the goof up.
This technique makes it easy for your subconscious to prevent future mistakes of the same kind. It now knows what you're supposed to do in that situation because you told it!
I can vouch for the unbelievable power of this technique, taught to me by my shrink and mentor, Nathaniel Branden, in 1975. It works during courtship, job interviewing, asking for a raise and all other pressure situations including dealing with difficult relatives, associates and friends. Now back to what might have gone wrong before we took this side trip.
Okay, what happened? A guess. You frightened her or offended her. A second guess. You violated Meeting Commandment I. Remember what it is? If not, you're doomed to get shot down again and again. For a refresher, flip back to Commandments OfMeeting.
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