All my life I've heard that love comes along when you least expect it. I can vouch for the truth of that adage except for the very first time.
I was trying to meet someone when I met my first wife. I was 19, she was 17. My friend and I were cruising the boulevard. She and her friend were promenading.
Twelve years later, my second wife walked into my life when I least expected it. Later, in June of 1993, I went to a local coffee shop simply to escape my sweltering house and met Joanna. We live in paradise, on the Big Island of Hawaii. This book is dedicated to her.
Here's more evidence. Since divorcing in 1982, I have never been able to date a woman I met in some other way than being introduced by a mutual friend or she introduced herself or I introduced myself at: (a) social gathering (b) class or club meeting (c) my company or (d) her work place after being a customer for weeks.
Okay men! What conclusion can we reach from these facts? When you're not trying, you have The Right Attitude.
As explained in Reluctance, Resistance And Tests, when you are obvious about being strongly interested, some women write you off as a pushover. With others, if you radiate too much indifference, it causes them to lose face. The End. Finally, other women believe that just by being friendly, they are chasing you! So what works?
Nearly all women are attracted to a man who won't kiss ass. They are strongly drawn by self-confidence, feigned or real.
In short, she will date you, if you're friendly but slightly aloof, relaxed but powerful and confident without being arrogant. Your unspoken attitude must be:
I'm not going to chase you. Sure, I'm friendly, but I'm friendly with everyone. Yeah, I'm somewhat interested. It might be possible if you, lady, play your cards right. Well, gotta go. Catch you later. By the way, you're not bad.
Here's how you communicate The Right Attitude without words.
SLIGHTLY ALOOF HIGHLY INTERESTED
Sometimes open posture All openness
Body usually angled away Body facing her
Rarely lean toward her Always lean toward her
Neutral or pleasant face Moderately serious
Preen now and again Preen often
Relaxed posture Erect, ready posture
Rarely touch her Touch as often as possible
Polite smiles Broad smiles Occasional, intense eye contact Look her in the eyes
Caress yourself once -Caress yourself regularly
As you talk, make her feel like she must try harder before you'll make a move. The best course to follow is showing brief flashes of intense sexual and romantic interest. Not with words, right? Separate these with long periods of being pleasant while remaining moderately aloof. DOMINANCE AND SUBMISSION
Once in a while throw in a few digs and a bit of sarcasm to irritate her. This keeps her off balance and guessing about you. It also makes it clear that she must fish or cut bait as well as forcing her to realize that she will get nowhere is she's only just engaging in, what she considers, harmless flirting.
During it all you must nonverbally demonstrate that you are dominant. The simplest act of aggression is to lean into her personal space briefly, then lean back out, as you continue talking all the while. Use any pretense, such as setting your glass on the coffee table.
Another way to dominate is to briefly become larger than she is. When you are both sitting, stand up as if you're getting the kinks out, but keep talking as you tower over her, then sit back down.
After demonstrating that you are the dominant one, you must reassure her that you intend no harm. If you stood up to tower over her, after you sit down, adopt a timid, shy posture for a couple of seconds. If you leaned into her personal space, do the same when you lean back out. APPEARANCES COUNT
Confident people are not in a hurry, not pushy, not nervous or excited. Moving slowly and talking slowly at least gives the appearance of confidence. First impressions are lasting impressions.
Take your time. Don't he too happy, too excited or too interested. Of course, this applies to women as well as men and not just in courtship settings, but also in business and office politics.
Was this article helpful?