That They Can Get You Laid Automatically

The Holy Grail Of The Dating Game

Quick Start Guide to Dating Women

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You are about to learn some very effective methods for meeting women. While all of them are effective, some of them might not be right for you to use in an overall sense. If, for example, you need to work on being more direct, then using some of the trickier methods that rely on getting a woman's attention via some kind of ploy might hurt you in the long run. Use your own best judgment and try to think long term.

Singles Bars

Even though I don't particularly care for singles bars, I guess I am obligated to tell you some ways to work them. Here are some things to keep in mind if you want to use singles bars to pick up women:

Women in singles bars are sort of like motorcycle cops. Motorcycle cops have heard every story in the book from people trying to talk them out of tickets. Women in singles bars have heard every story and line (if they are halfway decent looking, that is, and if not, who cares?) trying to talk them out of their panties.

Since you are running against the odds, you are going to have to go through some numbers before you get a pick-up. Unless you are a movie star or look like a Greek God, figure about 10 "no's" (would you believe, "fuck off") for every yes, if you are lucky. So pick an approach you enjoy doing, since you are going to have to use it a lot. Personally, I prefer a funny approach, because I like getting a laugh, enjoy a woman with a sense of humor, and generally have fun with this angle of attack.

Since most bars are so loud, what with hundreds of people talking at once, and more often than not, music blasting as well, BRING A PEN AND SMALL NOTE PAD!!! This will save your voice and allow you to communicate!

Keep moving, and don't let a less than optimum response stop you. This is a numbers game, and if a particular girl isn't giving you the response you like, cut bait and move on to greener pastures.

OK. Here is my favorite singles bar method. It involves using a note pad and pen. What I do is pick out a girl that interests me, scribble this note, and hand it to her:

"Hi," I'm taking a survey on bad lines. Circle which one you think is the worst.

"1. "Come here often, sugar pants?'

"2. "Hey, baby. Can we go out in the cold and hug?'

"3. "Hi. I'm taking a survey on bad lines.'"

This almost always gets a laugh. When it doesn't, I just walk away, because if the chick can't take a joke, then to heck with her. But, as I said, this is a fun, enjoyable approach for me, it's unique and different, and it's a good opener.

There are lots of variations on the basic note pad and pen approach. You could pretend you are writing a book for men and want to survey women on the best ways to meet them in bars. But this approach might arouse some suspicion, and I kind of think it's more common than you'd believe.

Happy Hours

Your local restaurant or bar's happy hour is a great place to meet women. They go there to relax and unwind after work, and that means alcohol consumption, and plenty of it. So, you already have one strike in your favor, because their inhibitions are going to be a lot less than normal.

The "taking a survey method" works better in this setting than in a singles bar, as women are, as I said, less suspicious. You're probably better off saying that you are writing a book for men and you are working on a chapter on bad lines. Ask the women you meet to tell you the worst pick-up lines they've ever heard. They'll be more than happy to tell you- one of the things women do most when they get together for drinks is to chick about men, so you'll probably be right on subject! This is a fun approach, that adds some humor to the stale "best ways to meet women survey" approach. You'll meet lots of women, and some of them are bound to go for you, out of sheer numbers alone. Who knows, you might find out that some of your favorite lines are actually the ones women think of as being the worst! That alone would make it worth your while! Waitresses

One of the things I noticed when I was first trying out singles bars and happy hour strategies was that the waitresses were almost always better looking than any of the female customers! Take a good look next time you go to these places and you will see that I am right.

I love picking up waitresses. There is far less pressure, they have to talk to you, and you can take your time. Unlike a girl you meet in a bar, who you will more than likely never see again unless you get a date, you can pretty much know where and when the waitress of your dreams will be.

I should point out that with waitresses, as well as sales clerks, and other "working women" you have to decide on a one step or two step approach. By that, I mean that if things seem to be going really good on your first meeting, you can ask her out right on the spot. If not, you can try to build more rapport on later visits, before you hit her for the date or phone number.

Waitress Bait

As with any pick-up, key first step is to get your targets attention. Here are three good ways to do that:

1. The clever line approach. Here's a line that I've used time and again. God must have whispered it in my ear, the first time I used it. It works when you are in a singles bar or other bar or restaurant that has lots of female customers, and your target is busy serving drinks. Just look at her and say,

"I just wanted you to know that ninety-nine percent of the women who walk in that door would kill their own mothers to look half as good as you do."

This is probably the most effective line you will ever use. It's one thing for a beautiful woman to hear that a man thinks she's good looking, but it isn't really that big a deal to her. After all, she already knows it is true, and may even be tired of hearing it.

But, women being such cat-like creatures, nothing pleases them more than to know that they are SO beautiful that other women hate them for it and are insanely jealous! Even the most jaded, hard-assed woman would love to believe this is true!

2. The direct approach. Here, you are direct, but you also acknowledge the reality that you are a stranger to her, and that you respect her need to earn her living without being harassed by pick-up artists. Walk up to her and say,

"I don't mean to interrupt you while you are working, but I just wanted you to know that I think you're one of the most attractive women I've ever seen, and I'm really glad I worked up the courage to introduce myself to you."

Tell her your name, ask her hers, and then let her get back to work. Chances are, she'll be so impressed, she'll come over to talk to you. This line is very flattering, and what really makes it work is the last bit about "working up the courage to meet you." It implies that she's so beautiful that you just had to overcome all that shyness just so you could get a chance to meet her. Women eat this line like candy and it will get you laid by waitresses, salesgirls and the like with startling frequency.

3. The dirty, sneaky, fake like you are in show biz approach. Here in L.A., 99.999% of the better looking waitresses are aspiring actresses, waiting for that big break. Some of these women are so gorgeous they would make you drool in your pants, and they are ripe for someone who they think can help them along in their career. Now, keeping in mind the ecology warning at the beginning of this chapter, let me tell you how I stumbled on to this scam and how it can help you to sleep with the most beautiful women around.

At the time I stumbled on this approach, I had a roommate who worked for a small aerospace research company. They had just moved into a suite of offices that previously had been occupied by a talent agency. Opening a closet one day, they discovered a few hundred pictures of very good looking actresses who were applying for a role in a film.

My roommate brought about a hundred of them home, and as I was going through them, slobbering all over myself, it suddenly occurred to me that: Most of these girls were probably working as waitresses to support themselves. What better way to get favorable attention from some cutie pie waitress than to walk into a bar or restaurant with these and just start going through them.

So, that's what I did. And sure enough, before long, a very gorgeous young food and drink service technician (bureaucratese for waitress) came by to see what I was doing. I told her that my sister ran a company that makes movies for TV (which happens to be the truth, but don't worry if you don't have a sister that does that, you can talk about my sister if you feel guilty) and that she wanted me to go through these pictures and select the ones I thought were the most attractive. Naturally, this sweetie pie was an aspiring future Oscar winner, and asked if she could get a resume to me. I said it would have to be fast, as my sister wanted to know by tomorrow. Of course, she invited me to come back to her place after work to get the picture, and well, we had a few drinks and

The key to this method is not to make it seem like you are blackmailing her. Tell her you would be happy to submit her picture and resume to the right person. After you have agreed to that, THEN ask her out. The threat of you not doing it if she doesn't accept hasn't been made, and nice guy that you are, you wouldn't even think of implying it. But she might be afraid of losing your good will, and so will accept. Try to get her to go out with you on the spot.

Now, some of you may be wondering, "Well, it sounds great. But what if I don't have a roommate who happens to work for an aerospace research company that happens to be in the same office that used to be used by a talent agency?"

Good question. What you do is put a simple ad in your local paper along these lines:

"Models wanted! All expenses paid, plus $500.00 photo shoot in Tahiti! Send 8 x 10 to: Your Name Productions, Your Address."

That should get you some nice responses.

Street and Supermarket Pickups

One of the toughest places to pick-up women is right on the street, and that's why I love it; it's a real challenge.

Of course, one of the easy ways out is the old "taking a survey" method, but that isn't nearly as much fun as using lines.

The absolute key to street pick-ups is to be very upbeat, happy, warm and friendly. Do NOT come on heavy on the street. Women are naturally (and justly) cautious in the big city.

Here's a great street pick-up for you that will also work in a supermarket. I call it the compliment string.

Pick out your target, then walk alongside her. Find one thing about her you can genuinely compliment, then say:

"I like your hat."

She'll say "Thank you."

Then say, "I like your watch."

She'll say "Thank you."

Then what you do is pause, sort of look at her sideways for a moment, and say with as much charm and good humor as you can:

"Come to think of it, I like everything."

Nine times out of ten that will get a big laugh. If she doesn't laugh, she's a very uptight chick and you'd just get rejected if you straight asked her out anyway.

Once she's laughed you hit her with this:

"My name's ________ . By what name are you called, you shining example of genetic perfection?"

(I know that sounds corny but it will get a big laugh. Trust me.) Once she tells you, you say,

"You know, I can tell you're woman with fantastic good taste. And you know how I know that?"

She'll ask how.

"Because you laugh at all of my jokes."

She'll laugh again. Then you hit her with another laugh line.

"Do you believe in irrational and self-defeating infatuation at first sight?"

She'll laugh again. If she says yes, then you should jokingly look heavenward and say,

"Thank you, God. Would you like to get a cup of coffee?" If she says no (to the infatuation question, not your coffee invitation), you say,

"Great. Then I'm not being irrational if I ask you to have a cup of coffee (or some frozen yogurt, or whatever is nearby and convenient).

Whatever the response, you want to try to invite her to do something with you, in a public place, right then and there.

If she says she'd like to, but is in a hurry to get somewhere, ask her out for that evening, if it is at all feasible. Say something like "I'd be very flattered if you'd have dinner with me tonight." Be direct, but charming at the same time, and don't back down! Your very directness is part of what makes you appealing, and when you combine it with charm, a smile, and the ability to make her laugh, you are really going to hit her hard. And that bit about being "flattered." Well, for some reason I can't figure, that works very well. Make sure you add that in. It's like you're saying that the nicest compliment about yourself would be to be seen in public with her.

This approach will also work well in a supermarket. It's unique, different, funny, direct, and fun and romantic for you and her. I discovered another great supermarket pick-up totally by accident. I was suffering through another attack of hay-fever during allergy season, so I went to the local Osco drug store to get something for it. As I was walking along I spied an incredible honey wearing very tight jeans and an equally tight T-shirt. As I walked by her, I had to sneeze, but the sneeze wouldn't come out, so I paused right next to her as I struggled to sneeze. I noticed her looking at me, and instantly my magnificently sleazy brain phonied up a scam.

With one finger up to my nose, as if I were about to sneeze, I said to her, "Do me a favor. Pound me really hard on the back." She said, "Are you sure?"

She gave me a good slap, and I said, "Well, it didn't help the sneeze, but I think I just fell in love. What's your name?"

Then I hit her with the other lines you've already seen. Unfortunately, she was married. Oh well. But I've used the line on other occasions with success. It's a numbers game, good buddy, a numbers game. But you'll find this "sneeze" line works well in just about any public "non-pick-up" setting, such as the beach, parks, etc. Try it, and you'll see it's nothing to sneeze at. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's what's called an author's right to abuse his readers.

How To Ask A Woman Out

When You're Both In Front Of Other People

Once I was in barber shop, getting my hair cut, and an incredibly sexy lady was waiting her turn. She was wearing a skirt that was so short that you could easily see her juicy thighs. Her legs were screaming out to be mine, but what could I do? Although I was busy chatting with her in front of the barber and the other people waiting their turn, I couldn't graciously ask her out right there in front of everyone, could I?

I started reviewing my other options. I could hang around after my haircut, and wait for her to finish, and then hit her as she was coming out the door, but that would be lame, and kind of scary for her.

Well, I did a little mental exercise that really helps me when I'm stumped for what to say. I made a picture in my mind of myself, sitting in the barber chair. Then I saw picture of myself standing a few feet a away, watching me sitting in the barber chair.

Somehow this kind of "mental distancing" myself from a situation always helps. Sure enough, the right words came to mind.

I said to my target, "Let's see. You're a knock-out in the looks department, you have the great taste to laugh at all my jokes, and you're also very sweet. And life is so unfair that it's got to be the case that you're either married or have a boyfriend, or both."

This got a laugh from everyone present, most importantly her. "Actually, I don't," she said.

By this time, instead of being an embarrassment, it had turned into great entertainment for everyone present, and she was enjoying being the star of the show. You could have cut the silence in that place with the barber's straight razor, as everyone waited to see what the outcome would be.

"Thank you, God", I said, looking heavenward, holding my hands together in mock prayer. Another laugh from all assembled. Then I looked at her, smiled, paused, then said, "I'd be very flattered if you'd have dinner with me tonight." She said, "I'd love to." We set the time, and she gave me her address on a piece of paper and it was one of the most enjoyable and romantic evenings I'd ever had. And her legs felt as good as they looked.

A Last Ditch Method That Will Almost Always

Get You A Date Even After A Woman Has Said "No" To Going Out With You

This method will work 9 times out of 10 and really knock a woman out. You should use it only after she's refused your initial offer for a date. I've seen it melt women who had no interest in me whatsoever and initially refused to go out with me.

It works like this. Find out when your waitress, or store clerk, or other working girl is on shift. Go to your local florist and get a nice bouquet of wildflowers and such made up. Don't go for a dozen red roses; that is way too heavy.

Write on the card, "To (Her name), from your secret admirer."

Then have a buddy deliver it on or before her shift. If you can't get a buddy to do it, try to talk a passerby into doing it. People usually enjoy helping out when it is a matter of love. Corny, ain't it?

Wait a few days, before you go for the piece de resistance. Go to your local T-shirt store, and have them make up a T-shirt. It should say, "I AM YOUR SECRET ADMIRER." Put this shirt on under a button up shirt or jacket, and then walk in on your honey pie's shift. Waltz up to her, tap her on the shoulder, and open your shirt or jacket.

Now, that will make an impression. You were clever, different, unique, and went to all that trouble just for her. (Never mind that you only have to pay for the shirt once, but can use it over and over again. Just make sure it stays clean, so it doesn't look used - that will really blow it for you!) After she gets through hugging you, or even kissing you, tell her you'd like to see her, and you're willing to go to some effort to do it, and then some. Then ask her out. If she's got any smarts and heart at all, she'll go for it. This is a great, fun method, and it really works like a charm!

By the way, if you don't have a local T-shirt shop, and want to try this, you can order a shirt from me. Specify Small, Medium, Large, or X-tra large, and whether you want the girl's name put on the shirt, so that she knows for sure you did it specially for her, or whether you want the plain, "I AM YOUR SECRET ADMIRER" message. It's twenty bucks, to the same address and same name you sent your original payment for this book.

SLASHING COMEBACKS FOR SLEAZOID SLUTS!

Women are not always sweet and friendly, dying to meet you, and eager to fulfill your every desire as a man. At times they can be downright nasty.

Who says you have to put up with it, fellas? Here are some wicked replies to her bitchy putdowns, to let her know just who's in charge!

HER: I'M REALLY NOT INTERESTED IN MEETING YOU.

YOU: One of these days you are going to see a man across a room and you're going to want to meet him but it's not going to happen because he's going to intuitively pick up on your incredible capacity for rude behavior.

Alternative One:

YOU: Thank you for showing me how warm and feminine you are. Alternative Two:

YOU: You've got a little piece of snot hanging out your nose. Alternative Three:

YOU: (Gazing at her upper lip) Gee. It's amazing what they can do with electrolysis these days.

Alternative Four:

YOU: (pull out a tampon which you should carry for just this purpose) Here. It's gotta be that time of the month!

Alternative Five:

YOU: I'm a lonely person trying to overcome my shyness and you've just slammed me back into my shell for months. I hope you're happy.

Alternative Six:

YOU: Chill out, skirt!

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