People perceive the world in three basic modes: Visual (pictures), Auditory (sounds), Kinesthetic (body feelings). While everyone uses one or more of these systems at any given time, most people have a preferred system. If you speak to them using terms from their preferred system, you will create great feelings of rapport and warmth, because you are, in effect, speaking to them in the language their brain prefers.
How To Find Out Your Date's Preferred System Step One:
Ask, "Can you recall the last time you had a really fun vacation?" Step Two:
After getting a "yes" answer, ask, "What did you really like most about it?" Step Three:
Make sure your date uses SENSORY terms to describe the experience. If she just says, "It was really fun!" you haven't gotten anywhere. Ask her what specifically about it was fun.
Listen for the sensory based terms she uses to describe the experience. "I really liked the water. It was so clear and blue. And you could see the bits of sunlight sparkling off the tops of the waves." Guess what? She's visual.
Describe a recent experience of yours to her, using terms from her preferred system.
Watch her non-verbal responses as you describe your experience. You should notice, if you are really getting through to her, pupil dilation (her eyes getting big and wide, dumdum) increased breathing rate, etc.
Was this article helpful?