It's always been my belief that "Inner Game" is the most important aspect of not only meeting and enjoying women, but living a rich and fulfilling life.
Yet, so few people I have met truly have good Inner Game. Even some of the best PickUp Artists that I have had the great pleasure of meeting and hanging out with don't seem to have a grasp on this part of their personal growth.
What is this "Inner Game" that so many people seem apt to talk about and discuss at length, but which seems to elude everybody?
I look at Inner Game as a kind of internal mindset and belief system which affects your actions, thoughts, and speech. Everything you are stems from this set of beliefs.
These beliefs are created at an early age, influenced by parents, siblings, friends, and life experiences. But we also have a say in how we choose to process these influences, and that determines how we play the game of life from within these little vehicles we call our "bodies."
We even give a name to try and encapsulate all that Inner Game is meant to encompass: Confidence!
But that only creates more confusion, because now we have one word that defines many different beliefs (all of which vary from person to person).
Everyone tries to "be confident" on order to try and define what these beliefs are for them. Some people try "faking it until they make it." Others ignore it and try to make due with what they have. Still others stay stuck, and never truly discover what confidence is.
And confidence is never more apparent than when it comes to dealing with women. Too often, men get their sense of confidence from the validation of women who tell them they're good looking, or smart, or talented, or prove it to them by sleeping with them. Maybe that's why men so crave sex, because once the act of sex is over, that validation quickly fades into memory and we go about looking for our next fix.
Confident people don't need sex. In fact, they are often willing to walk away from it. They distance themselves from people they don't like, and they are unafraid to take risks. Why is this?
I believe it is because confident people supply their own sense of validation. They don't need others to feel good about themselves. They have such an amazing set of beliefs and see the world from such a position of strength and security that they aren't afraid to lose something they want in order to have something they feel they deserve: Self Validation.
But it's not the people with confidence this section is meant to address, since people who have confidence have very little problems in getting what they want. No, I mean to address people who DON'T have confidence. People who have yet to strengthen their "inner game."
I've gotten so many emails from guys looking for advice, trying desperately to figure out what's wrong with them and how to feel better about their lives. I know I used to be one of those guys (and still am in certain respects).
Let's take one of these guys as an example. Let's say JoeBlow is an unconfident guy who's lonely. He doesn't have a girlfriend, or any girl "friends," and few guy friends for that matter. He hardly ever leaves his house, except maybe to go to work, and he spends most of his time surfing the internet looking for a way to fix his life, which he feels is the most pathetic thing on the planet.
Then, one day, through some stroke of luck where the Gods smiled upon him, he meets a girl and she agrees to get together with him again (like, on a date! Gasp!)
So JoeBlow is excited, but fearful as well. He believes that it was a complete fluke that this sexy girl would agree to date him, and he doubts his luck would hold out for long.
So he nervously tries to figure out what to do with this girl now that he's got her. He wants to please her, he wants to keep her, but most of all he wants one thing and one thing only - to stop feeling so anxious.
Instantly, every possible worst-case scenario runs through his head. What if she doesn't like the restaurant? What if she calls and cancels? What if everything goes great and he's so nervous that he's lousy in bed? No matter what, she's going to discover what a big LOSER he is.
All this is happening because JoeBlow completely and utterly lacks confidence.
A confident man would not waste his time thinking about these things. Instead, he'd be thinking about how much he loves the food at the restaurant he's going to take her to, about how he'll find something else fun to do if she cancels, about how good her pussy is gonna feel when he bones her (whether she cums or not).
There is a fundamental difference between the "confident" and "unconfident" mindsets, and it's not about being "selfish" like you might think the Confident Guy is like, or about being an utter "pessimist" like Joeblow. It's about how they see the world they live in.
Be aware of this little fact: Confidence is based on how you see the world around you.
People damage their potential for confidence by acting like psychic mind readers. They construct a skewed view of the world based on their assumed notion of what others think and feel.
Magical predictions about failure confirm the way you are used to feeling about yourself. When men generate so much shame about anticipated failure and supposed subsequent rejection, their sexual arousal quickly fades. They stop having fun. They set a down-tone for any interaction they have. They think they will fail, and will be rejected by the woman they so desperately want to impress.
So many guys are genuinely thinking about every woman's likely response (after all, us men are problem solvers by nature, and tend to look at every possibility). But the cold, hard truth is that we are only thinking of ourselves!
We trust our immature, shame-based, self-critical feelings, and then believe our embarrassing predictions are really going to happen! Our suspicion and mistrust has nothing to do with each other and everything to do with our own utter lack of confidence.
FACT: People who lack confidence are self-centered.
I know this because I am extremely-self centered. Most "nice guys" are. This is where the fallacy of "Nice Guys vs. Ass Holes" lies. Nice Guys tend to be the most self-centered people out there. All their actions are in an effort to please others so they can get that "validation fix" they so desperately want.
Therefore, their motives are selfish.
Ass Holes don't need anything from anyone. Therefore, their actions of kindness are completely selfless, because they expect nothing in return.
Nice Guys tend to judge themselves quite harshly.
Ass Holes don't bother to judge themselves. It's a waste of their time.
Therefore, it is easy to say that people who lack confidence are in a perpetual state of judgment. All day, every day, they sit in a jury box and judge themselves - over and over again.
People who lack confidence simply do not understand other people. They nervously see others as judgmental and projecting because that's how they are, and they think everyone else must be exactly the same way.
In order to offset their own negative feelings about themselves, many will pour blame and criticism onto others, and never look at their part of the problem, which is this:
The way you judge yourself forms your view of other people.
If you judge yourself critically, you see others as judging you in the EXACT SAME WAY. And when you live in a world where everyone judges you as harshly as you judge yourself, it is impossible to feel good and be confident.
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