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Let's go down the list.

Comparing: People with the bad, confidence-destroying, habits use comparisons as attempts to prove, beyond any doubt, that they are inferior or superior in some way to another person.

Whenever you say "I'm better looking than that guy, I can get more girls than him," or "That girl is ugly, I could easily get her to sleep with me," you're giving yourself false approval that provides false courage. The effect is temporary and never fixes the deep-rooted problem of your bad habit. Why? Because this is a solution at the expense of putting down another person! When you do this, you are still relying on other people for your own sense of validation.

Confident people don't feel the need to put themselves or others down. Connections to others and popularity are byproducts of confidence. Confident people will see others as equals and will offer to help instead of criticize. Beliefs of superiority or inferiority on your part will only hurt you in the long run.

Critiquing: Constantly sitting in judgment is unhealthy. The act of critiquing is a self-centered habit, especially when you apply it to yourself (ie: being self-judgmental). It's easy to justify a critiquing nature as a way to avoid being criticized or even as a form of self improvement. But this habit only invites that which we hope to avoid by using it! It causes us to be so into our own thoughts that we distance ourselves from others.

Thinking you're too ugly to approach a girl may just keep you from meeting someone who is actually attracted to you! But your critique of your looks served to shame you out of an opportunity for happiness. You sought to avoid rejection by rejecting yourself before the girl had an opportunity to. You just made the process quicker and in some ways, more painful!

Critiquing yourself also brings your weaknesses and insecurities to the forefront. It makes you put your worst foot forward in every situation and will project a negative energy. People don't want to be around someone who's always negative.

Criticizing: If you ever want to be truly confident, you must rid yourself of all desire to blame or criticize anyone, including (and especially) yourself. When you criticize yourself or blame yourself for something negative, you are creating negative feelings that will destroy your confidence. And when you blame and criticize others, you only serve to create hostility and avoid any responsibility for your role in whatever happened.

For instance, let's say you try to make out with a girl and she pushes you away. The self-critical man would think:

"I blew it! I'm so stupid! She hates me, I'm unattractive. No woman wants me. I can't blame her. I'm a loser."

The criticizer of others would think:

"Stupid bitch! How dare she lead me on! She must be a fucking lesbian. I'm too good for her anyway."

Thinking like this takes away from the fact that maybe you moved too fast and didn't read the signs she was giving you right. Maybe she was into you, but needed a little more time to warm up and be comfortable kissing you. A confident man would just sit back and continue on with her until the next opportunity arose. Your habit of criticizing ends the relationship right there.

Alarming: One of the worst things you can be is an alarmist. This is when you tend to think of the WORST possible case scenario in every situation. This is a habit that will keep you on the edge of your seat with worry - constantly. As we all know, worry is self-defeating and time consuming (not to mention tiring!). Nothing is ever good enough for the alarmist because he always sees dark clouds on the horizon. To this type of person, nothing good can ever last. People get annoyed with these types of people and tend to ignore them or distance themselves from them.

An alarmist is the type of guy who gets a great girlfriend, and instantly thinks she's going to break up with him. Because of this, his actions are so alarmist that he ends up driving the girl away with his constant worry and mistrust, so that his fear became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Alarmist are always looking for ways to ruin a good thing just to prove to themselves that they're right, and bad things always happen to them.

Crippling: The best way to handicap your confidence is to think in ways that cripple all forms of positive feelings. Whenever you hear someone say the words "I can't do that. I just can't," they are communicating the fact that they're indulging in a crippling habit.

"Can't" is a 100% sure-fire signal that you're in a crippling thought process. The statements below are examples of crippling thinking:

"I can't have sex. I'm too embarrassed about my body." "I can't talk to her. She's going to reject me." "I can't kiss her. She's not ready."

Now, replace the word "Can't" with what it really means - "Won't."

"I won't have sex. I want to keep feeling embarrassed about my body." "I won't talk to her. I'm afraid of success." "I won't kiss her. I'm not ready."

People who indulge in the Crippling habit always look for excuses as to why the WON'T do something, and then frame it as something that's actually out of their control.

Whenever you have negative thoughts because of one of these five habits, rewrite them. Find out what your thinking habits are, which one of these bad habits you rely on the most, and re-edit the words for yourself. How you interpret the events around you dictates what you feel.

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The Bad Habit Liberator

The Bad Habit Liberator

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