Avoiding

Avoiding is a process that is invoked by fear. Something you experience causes you to want to avoid a certain type of action. For instance, the fear of meeting women will make you avoid talking to them.

Some people might call this "fear of rejection," or something like that, but regardless of what you call it, its fear that's keeping you from meeting the women you're attracted to, right?

In order to overcome the habit of avoiding, lay out the emotions that keep you from being courageous and confident. Try to understand what your ongoing fear is. What is it your feeling and what causes those feelings to emerge? What happens afterwards? Do you blame yourself? Others? When do you feel safe? What has to be present to make you feel safe and comfortable? Why do you feel the need to avoid something?

Somewhere in your development as a human being, your brain learned to avoid things as a way to protect yourself. Maybe when you told a girl you liked her for the first time in second grade, she laughed at you and said "Boys are icky!" before running away. If that made you feel bad or ashamed, your brain made it a point to try to keep you from telling girls you liked them as a way to avoid feeling those bad emotions. You basically trained yourself to avoid situations where this might occur.

In order to change this habit, you'll have to train yourself in a new routine. A work-out program for your brain that will continue to protect you in a new way if you persist at it.

By associating your fear with calm and comfort, a new brain algorithm will develop: fear calm -> fear -> calm. It will take time for this to really take hold because your fears are illogical, not logical, so they require a psychological response.

Whenever you feel fear, respond to it by calming yourself. Be honest and reasonable about what's causing you to be afraid, and realize that you will be in no physical danger by approaching a woman you like (or whatever it is you are avoiding). Take deep breaths and center yourself. Force yourself to face your fears and realize you've been trained wrong.

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